Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution Is a Great Lie.

Children should be loved and protected.. not thrown away like garbage. Shame on us !

This incident took place when I was 15 yrs of age. So far nothing has made me change my mind……..

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution Is a Great Lie

Some may believe, some may not believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution, but I have decided very strongly that human race did not evolve from the very source that monkeys evolved. For sure these creatures are not our ancestors. There are many differences and one of them is so great that I have always failed to close the gap between us.
A certain day in my life forced me call the great Darwin a liar. It so happened one morning, a man going to his fields heard an infant crying non-stop. His curiosity awoke, he went in search of source of the sound and found an infant barely a day old thrown on the railway track. The helpless little soul was yet alive, thanks to the famous Indian railways which always sees to it that the trains don’t arrive on time so that anyone contemplating suicide on the tracks gets a chance to ponder over and change their mind. This policy had prevented the huge monster from mauling the small wailing baby, but the ants did not follow this policy and had been prompt and on time to nibble and devour the just born fresh skin. Helpless and unable to anything else, all that the discarded one could do was to wail at the top of his voice which even at the top was very frail. The morning wind was piercing cold and had been attacking the angel mercilessly, turning his snowy color to blue. The man forgot his fields, picked up the baby and brought him home. But, Alas!!!! It was already too late to save him. He was born just to suffer the torture of few hours. No one ever cuddled him, dressed him, fed him nor loved him. When our maid narrated this tragic tale like the headline of the day, which would be replaced by something on the next morning, I just turned away from her to hide my tears. Through my window I could see some monkeys happily prancing away. Then suddenly I saw something which shook my soul and conscience quite roughly. There on the top of the roofs among the monkeys going ahead in search of food and mischief was a monkey with a baby which was lifeless. The mother refused to accept the fact and continuously made efforts to make its little darling cling to its womb as it did before the cruel death had slurped all its strength. The monotonous failing did not deter her. She tried again and again, to feed her baby from her breast or some food she found. Struggling thus with her dead baby she kept moving ahead and disappeared in the vast world leaving me behind to ponder over the theory of Darwin. Do we humans who throw away our live infants, who kill, murder and torture the young kids belong to this clan who loved their dead babies so much???????

PhotobucketDarwin may have a lot of proofs for his theory but I refuse to accept any of them.

Monday, May 18, 2009



An ever smiling face
Is a very beautiful thing
It wins everyone’s grace
And makes every heart sing

Smile gives face a charm
Making it look pretty as dove
Face that is smiling and calm
Above everything else I love

Do not lose any opportunity
When you can win hearts with smile
Smile is a gift to humanity
No animal can ever smile

Ugliest is the face sour
Smiling face is fine
It is prettier than the stars
Prettier than the moon that shines.
Farida Rizwan

At times we do not see the miracle of the smile... the changes it brings about in people. A smile can change the world around us just like dawn. Everything seems so different after the dawn and smile. Above all it is free. Why not make use of it as much as possible?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Thats my girl........................

Just a few days ago I was holding a little baby in my hands… so calm and peaceful she lay asleep that I could not believe it was my own baby. OH NO!!! it was not a few days ago. It has been freaking 14 years now. What year is it? 2009???? Ok!

It seems just like a few days ago. I can still feel her warmth, smell the baby smell and hear her baby snore. So my baby is turning into a fine young princess. A beautiful young princess with a cold and running nose LOL.

When doctors told me she is special girl I did not have any trouble believing them. She was special and I could see that. As days changed into months and months into years, she went on to prove to be special in everyway. I have seen her bring out the best in people. Even the not so good ones. She has smile and love for everyone in the world. She doesn’t know the barriers of countries, caste, creed, color, money, status, age, etc. Not even the importance of human race LOL. For her all creations of God are equal. For her everyone with a ‘HI’ is a friend. Anyone with anger, scowl or growl is ‘Me happy no’. So simple is life in her terms just like her language. To be happy, sad, and angry just happens naturally. No drama. Nope. I remember her saying bye to the ceiling fan before shutting it off. Saying sorry to a pencil for dropping it down.

People who do not see what she sees make all those unnecessary exclamations which has sadly changed her a bit. But inside she is still the same baby with fiery temper which lasts for few minutes. Like it has always been easy to make her happy and smile so is it easy to make her sad and cry. I hope that everybody connected to her will understand her innocence and make her smile always without hurting her … even when I am not around. I send a silent prayer to God to take of our (she just partially belongs to me) little angel always………..

There is a story I would like to share with you, which has always helped me deal with my daughter for all these years. Helped me to restrain myself from making changes to her. Not wanting progress in a hurry. I know deep in my heart that there is reason for everything happening around us.

A man strolling through his garden found a cocoon of a butterfly. He would watch it everyday. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily . Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God's (Read "Nature's" if that comforts you) way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon . Sometimes, Struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God ("Nature", for those who don’t believe in supreme power) allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Not only that, we could never fly.
(Source of story : Unknown)

Have a happy flight Farheena… you have squeezed enough power in your wings now.

Wishing my dear girl a very happy 14th Birthday..
At age 3

Aged 5 months


Her own small pond LOL. Always loved being in water


Lucky to have the most loving brother who took her for strolls and took time to explain everything they came across on road.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Surviving cancer for 13 years.............

Kicking cancer butt and keeping it away for 13 years ............Hooorrrraaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Thirteen years ago Cancer invaded my body and demanded that I suffer chemo, go through hair loss and give away one of my breast. I had to do it for my survival and did it grudgingly. I hated it with all my heart and considered BC to be one of my worst enemies ever. It went to prove me right by taking away my sister and mom in years to come.

Today after 13 years, I am sitting here and thinking. Personally, what I lost and what did I gain from breast cancer, or precisely what I gained in my life after BC.
I lost one of my breasts. I lost my hair too, but it has come back. Self confidence has grown much more than what it used to be. I value my life more now because I had to fight for it….. and that too with a demon named cancer. I feel my life is something I have earned now. I have enjoyed watching my kids grow into their teens and loved every moment of it (other than few moments like Farheena going through her surgery etc). I would never have known how wonderful my kids are and how blessed I am to have them, if I had not fought cancer furiously 13 years ago.

I turned into an extrovert after my cancer experience. It was just too much to keep in my chest and I felt my ribs breaking out. So had to pour out everything; to my amazement I found out it really felt good to share our feelings with others. I have found amazing friends in the past 13 years. I have met wonderful people who made much difference to me and my attitude towards life. They changed me into much better person by helping me to realize my own potential and resources.
When I had slipped into a great depression, one of the counselors, who used to visit us during my sisters illness suggested I go to helping hand which is a free counseling center in Bangalore. Initially I was very hesitant but when I visited helping hand, I met people who changed me for good and also made me much better person with my kids and all kids in general. I cannot forget how helpful the people at Helping Hand have been for me and my kids. They are the ones who do not give you fish but teach you fishing.

There have been friends who have made me realize that it is not necessary to berigid. Sometimes it helps to flow with the tide and enjoy life. I don't know where I would be today without the help from these people. Farheena being a special needs kid, me getting BC and losing my sister to BC all in a span of year made it very tough for me to handle it emotionally. Rizwan was being nasty and was not much help during the toughest period of my life. He chose to exhibit his worst self when I was going through worst period. May be he was not tough enough to handle the pressure cancer brings with it and also he was not willing to accept that he has a special needs child. He was living in complete denial. Strangers supported me emotionally where my close ones failed. At times they ended up by hurting me by saying hurting words when it could have been easily avoided.

I hear many horror tales about doctors and wonder where they are... All the doctors I have met so far have been very kind and helpful to me. Most of them are like good friends I consult when I am in doubt about decisions.
I have wonderful friends half way across the globe who I may never have met if not for cancer. I don't like having cancer but when I think what I would have missed in life if not for cancer then maybe I don't hate it totally. I hate it and there is no doubt about it. I have found morefriends recently who have been through this ordeal like me. It amazes me to see how quickly we bond together, even though we have a grand canyon of difference between our cultures and lifestyles.

As a kid I had a dream of visiting Disney World. I am cartoon and comic book lover and wanted to be in their world sometime. Always wondered whether that would ever happen...
Rayyan’s dream was NYC; as far back as I can remember he always wanted to see NYC. I still cannot believe that we realized our dreams last year. The most shocking part was Rizwan willing to give consent to our visit to USA and also providing the tickets first to USA and then to Disney World. How things were set in right place all through our tour is amazing. We got to enjoy the fireworks on 4th of July from the best view possible in Philadelphia courtesy of another survival friend Judy. There were amazing people who accompanied us and made our Disney World trip totally enjoyable.

I know that there are times when I bitch, groan and moan and also at times squeak and squeal LOL at life; but then I realize how much I have to feel grateful to God. I feel angry at people when they misunderstand or under estimate me and my values, or consider me helpless cancer survivor who is verge of death due to cancer any moment, but then I realize no matter what I still love them. Cancer makes it easy to forgive follies. I have known the joy of being in water and got introduced to swimming on my USA trip. Loved it a lot and miss it now.

Some may find this funny but I have found a great joy in knowing a wondermachine called computer. It was love at first touch for me. I am a woman of questions and computer with internet has most answers though not for thoseimportant questions which I have to find answer all by myself alone.

I have lived for thirteen years being NED and enjoyed my life with my children, family, friends and computer. Have loved playing games, tasted new food, dressed in a new ways and become totally non-religious person. I trust and believe in God a lot but realize I am not meant to belong to any religion. The battle has been won and has remained on my side until now and the life after cancer has been worth fighting for... so to anyone who is fighting cancer. Kick hard and fight with all your might and will power. Don't give in. I know I willnot.....


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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