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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Listening .. A skill taken for granted.


( People who have tagged me or awarded me .. Please forgive me for the delay in appreciating you. Life is very hectic and I am posting my musings which has been typed already as I cannot sit down and spend time on creating a blog post. I promise to do it.. just have patience. Thank you )


Listening is a skill many of us take for granted. If used properly this skill can win you more friends and a good reputation quite easily. Human beings are usually very expressive and in the race of showing off our views we do not care to listen. Listening is a best and cheapest gift we can give to people around us.

God (our creator) has given a clear message to us by giving us one mouth which looks best shut and two ears that cannot be closed that we have to do more listening than talking.

We cannot help hearing the sounds, but many a time we do not listen to what is being said. We just hear and don’t listen. We listen and do not comprehend at times.

Listening can be of various types like.

Active listening: - Here you are totally attentive and involved in what is being said. You give signals indicating ‘I understand’.

Passive listening: - This is what I call hearing. You hear sounds and

respond, but do not comprehend.

Supportive listening: - this is where a listener is providing support (emotional) and encouragement. It provides

strength, approval and is being in favor of the

person.

Stress is inversely proportional to your listening ability. The higher your stress the worst will be your listening

We speak at an average of 100-150 words per minute where as we think at an average of 500-800 words per/minute

You can listen to silence also as silence is a means of communication

Silence can be divided into

Warm silence: - There is lot of warmth being felt and there is no need for words for communication. Everything is being understood. (people in love)

Cold silence:- This is a way of communicating anger/ hatred etc ( A girl staring at the boy friend who bought her very silly cheap valentines gift)

Neutral silence :- as existing between 2 strangers (two people traveling on a bus and not interested in each other)

Demanding silence :- here a person demands an explanation without communicating with words but expressing his/her thought the body language ( A wife who puts the plate in front of the husband who has come home late and stands there looking at him without saying a word… )

To be a good listener;

Ø Be yourself

Ø Talk as an equal. Just because you are listening to someone doesn’t make you a great person. Never think you are doing a favor to someone by listening to their woes

Ø Listen actively with attention. Express your interest through gestures, eye contact, body language and comforting words

Ø Show interest and empathy

Ø Smile (not if it is very inappropriate for the topic)

Ø Receive the feeling of the talker, not the problem. It is how a person feels towards anything that is more important

Ø Remove bias filters

Ø Rephrase your understanding

Ø Take special care if you disagree

Ø Do not assume what the caller is going to say

Ø Be patient . your impatience will make a person alert and warn him to be aware of you

Ø Carry silences. Be comfortable with silence

Points of bad listening

* Calling the subject un-interesting. No subject is un-interesting. There are only people who are either interested or not interested in a subject

* Criticism of the speakers delivery (better say I am not following you properly rather than you are not being clear)

* Getting over stimulated (excited , aroused, influenced) by one point in the talk

* Listening only for facts

* Trying to outline everything

* Faking attention. Remember ‘attention’ has to be genuine. It cannot be faked out

* Tolerating or creating distractions. It is very difficult to stop and talk again especially when you are talking about emotional pain

* Avoiding difficult matters

* Letting emotion –laden words throw us out of tune

* Wasting the differential between speech, speed and thought speed

* Being under stress. Stress is universally proportional to listening quality



35 comments:

  1. Wonderfully written with impressive points. Its true how we sometimes ignore what's being said. Hearing sure can have a huge impact on relationships.

    BTW, does repeated comments on that post count as votes? I hope you win it. All the best to you...:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I loved this post Farila, and I wish more people would follow your lead and Listen instead of just jumping in with nothing really to say.
    Good luck in your competition, I tried to get as many people to visit as I could, but I'm not getting that many comments myself at the moment.
    I was planning a big "Give Away" when I reached 200 followers, but that looks unlikely to happen now.
    Take care, my dear little friend.
    Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderful!!! I really enjoyed this post!!
    You are such a wise woman, thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, Farila, those were great tips!
    Being a good listener I think that is so essential in our relationships and when interacting with people.
    Wishing you a great Sunday!
    B xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lots of points to ponder there, super mom...:) all the best for your contest

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have rightly elaborated on all the points of listening. As a counselor at the SAHAI helpline for Suicide prevention, I can add one more point- A good listener must be non judgmental.

    ReplyDelete
  7. First of all thanks a tonne for following my blog, you have a wonderful blog here and it was a pleasure reading your post. You have made a very important point on listening. The process of communication has some parts like speaking, listening, analysing and feedback. Most people just ignore listening because its silent in nature! everyone thinks by making noise they can make themselves noted, so they prefer to choose speaking!!But actually in a longer run the one who listens Makes a definite impact everywhere he/she goes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. wow...lots of research involved in writing this post...
    I too sadly sometimes fail to listen :(

    Will take pointers from your post to improve. All the best for the contest.

    ReplyDelete
  9. That was a great post. A very informative one. Thanks for sharing the well researched piece!

    ReplyDelete
  10. interesting post... well written :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great post...you are right about silence...some seem to make you red in the cheek...and some leave you cold...best of luck for all your endeavors!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am new to the world of blogs. But I cannot help coming back to your chapters quite often. I simply love them.

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