1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father: A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after?
30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
In my childhood I often came across old deserted women and men sitting on the road side and begging for food. Most of them once belonged to some good family. I once saw a man begging but he looked well educated and smart. I occasionally would talk to him and one day found that his son was specialist in medicine. These old people would sort of wring at my heart and I would feel very sad and helpless. I was afraid someday I will be different and forget all these people. I was afraid that someday may be I will change into one of those uncaring kids. I felt helpless at not being able to do much. I found solace in the thought may be their end is good and peaceful. I wanted it to be so. Here it is for you to read….This is something very close to my heart and it means a lot to me. I must have written this when I was 17 yrs old… back then I at least had some hope but today at the age of forty four I feel sad, miserable, helpless and also without hope when I see the deserted old people on streets. I did not turn into one of those ungrateful kids.. but also I have never done anything exceptional to help those people.
AN ANGEL LIED
An old woman; in dirty tatters she was clad
Her wrinkled face even when smiling looked sad
Though her five children were now well off
All they managed to give her was just a scoff
Rumor was she was bad tempered and threw tantrums now and then
So keeping her with them was insulting for her children
All of them, whom she had once carried in her sack
Were not bothered now seeing her womb kiss her back
How easily they forgot she had fed them from her breast
They couldn’t remember for them she had given up rest
Now in her time of need they chased her away
Their clever brains decided with them she can never stay
Driven by hunger she begged around
Parched and broken lips parted yet came out no sound
For months and months no comb no oil touched her hair
If we called her rags clothing, it wouldn’t be fair
Her wrinkled skin forgot what is soap
Yet she had something left in her. She had hope
The hope that someday God would send a kind soul
Other than this she had no other aim or goal
Though she never saw God, in his kindness she believed
With respect to the life he had given her she continued to live
If not begging one could hear her whisperings
Looking up at the skies and calling upon the king of kings
Under her breath sending him her only prayer
To show a human heart; which of kindness had a layer
But nothing changed and the monotonous days passed by
Till a night came with not a single star on the sky
Sleeping under an old banyan tree the old soul shivered in cold
She tried warming up by rubbing her hands but found them feeble and old
Everything about her was worn out and she needed help
Her heart cried now, because now she couldn’t help herself
The cold stormy night lit in her heart a burning desire
To save her from cold only if only someone would light a fire!
To her surprise in dark she saw someone with light
He was a handsome lad whose smile filled her with delight
He looked pretty and innocent like a blooming flower
Sitting beside her and talking kindly he lit a bonfire for her
The fire burnt and made the cold woman warm
She looked at the lad and wondered at his charm
Suddenly she realized she was hungry and famished
The warmth disappeared and her smile vanished
The woman unable to speak just pointed where trouble stood
And slowly whispered whether he had with him some food
He opened a bag and delicious dishes he spread
To the content of her heart the old lady he fed
Satisfied now she gratefully looked at the lad
Something on her face said her heart was yet sad
Holding her hands the young man said “consider me your son
Mother, even now you are so sad; please tell me the reason”
He held her dirty body in a comfortable embrace
The lady looked at him, doubt written all over her face
She said, “Only one word, you have to tell
Child, are you a human or are you an angel?”
“Mother” said he, “In such a way why do you scan
I assure you I am no angel but just a simple man”
The old woman now smile written large on her face
Lifted her hands upwards and sung her lords praise
She thanked him for at last He answered her prayer
And sent a person who could love and care for her
“My parents” said she, “to love me never came forward
When married I had to put up with a drunkard
I thought my lovely children were my consolation
But truth is bitter and they turned out to be my worst delusion
So my lord I longed to see a person to me who could be kind
Today in human form my longings here in front of me I find
Humanity is not lost, it can’t be surpassed by
As you have proved this to me, in peace now I can die”
Saying so she lay down as drowsiness began to creep
Soon the young man saw peacefully she lay in deep sleep
He slowly stood. His face was now firm
His appearance changed and he glowed like a glowworm
He looked at her sadly and as he spoke his face fell
“I said I was a man, but truth is I am an angel
If you had not asked from selfish man for kindness
I wouldn’t have landed myself in this mess
If you had asked for health, beauty or power
Gifts of it over you I could shower
Even richness, wealth and realms of gold
If asked I could have paid you in hundred fold
I could have easily laid at your feet any nation
For that matter anything from dear lords creation
But you asked for a gift which is impossible to find
How can this selfish human heart be kind?
A person who would care for an old street woman
I searched everywhere but I found none
Alas! To fulfill your last wish I had to lie
For if not consoled thus, in peace you wouldn’t die
Forgive me lady with you I played foul”
Thus saying the angel of death took away her soul………………………..
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I loved the thought of my mommy waiting sitting on the small stool in the kitchen wondering “Where have they been…???????”
So off we go to a roadside water pump and clean the kitty … most of the work is done by my sister, where as I help by pouring water and making comments. She is soaked and dirty in the process. My mind is working on the two words ‘Always’ and ‘Never’. I want to include them in the coming communication as much as possible and see the effect.
So we enter the house and I give back empty bag and money to Mommy and she is sitting there with the questioning look on the stool in the kitchen. How silly it is that she thought I was lying and we both are coming back with the puffed rice.
“Where is the puffed rice?”
“In the shop which is closed. You ALWAYS doubt me when I say something. You NEVER agree that I do not lie”.
My mommy looked at me to say something but then was shocked to see my sister soaked wet and all dirty with something in her hand.
“Where have you both been to? What is it you are carrying in your hand?”
Now it was my sisters turn to take over and she did it smoothly,“We had been to shop mommy. It was closed. While we were hurrying back home we found a poor kitty who came running to us. We could not help but help it.. look how cute she is”
“ God! you two have been playing around with kitties when I am waiting here to get the breakfast ready. Your daddy will have to leave for factory in about 20 minutes and what am I going to serve him now?”
“It is your fault Mommy. If you had trusted me earlier you would have had lots of time to cook the breakfast for daddy and all of us. You ALWAYS mistrust me. You NEVER believe what I have to say”.
“What is wrong with you Fari? When did I not believe and when did I mistrust you? Stop saying always and never… may be once in while I may feel you are playing a prank on me … Ya Allah! It is so late now to cook anything else”.
My mother was very upset with the confusion of cooking breakfast along with a very dirty daughter with a sparkling clean kitty shivering and meowing pitifully in her arms.
“Both of you take that kitten out and keep it out until I finish my cooking. Don’t disturb me now”.
“But mommy we NEVER have any pets. Why do you ALWAYS refuse to give us any pets. We want to keep the kitty with us please please please…..”
“Shut up. It is too small to survive without its mother. Go there and look for its mother and put it back with her. You don’t want to kill it? Do you?”
My sister was aghast to hear this. “Mommy! This is quite a big kitty and I will take care of it. I am much better than its mother in taking care of it. If I had not seen it, may be some dogs would have gotten to it and torn it into pieces. I want to keep this kitty and I am not going to put it back from where I brought it”.
By then my dad asked mom if his breakfast was ready because he was getting late for office.
My Mom told us to keep the kitty and rushed to fix something quickly for dad who was getting impatient. He usually spent a lot of time getting ready for the office and then hurried up with remaining tasks. I at times wondered why he spent so much of time grooming himself every morning where as it took my Mommy lesser time to get ready to go anywhere.
My dad walked in asking “Is the breakfast ready yet? I have to leave in few minutes”.
“I am having trouble fixing something for you today. These girls took so much time to come back from the shop and they did not bring anything. In a minute I will roll some rotis for you”.
My Mommy is a excellent cook and she had rotis and egg omelets ready for Dad who was mumbling and grumbling at the same time. He did not like cats much and if he saw the kitty when he was in a shitty mood then there was no chance of us having it.. but if they threw the kitty out I was sure they had to throw my sister out too. Once she decides to help an animal then there is no stopping her. Her sympathies are very strong and it can take away her mind and stunt the working of her sense organs. She cannot think straight, cannot hear the reason, cannot see the facts and loses her fear. Anyway we both hid out of Daddy’s sight until he went to office. Then I had an idea flashing in my mind. I had watched people bottle feeding babies and when my little brother was born I wanted to feed him too. But mommy never allowed me to feed him because she was afraid I may choke him or something. I don’t blame her because there were times when I would get lost in thoughts of God knows what and would forget what I am actually doing. So here I saw the chance of bottle feeding this kitty. My sister beamed with happiness when I told her that we should bottle feed the kitty and we both broke our piggy banks. To the horror we found that someone had been tampering with them. We had way less money than we actually put in it. But this was no time for playing police so off we rushed to the shop to buy a feeding bottle. We had a little argument over the color.. my sister wanted red and I wanted yellow one but finally she won the argument by putting some extra cash. We rushed back home and my sister slowly went up to my mother who was now busy getting the lunch ready. It was amazing how my mother was engrossed with cooking most of the time.. and when she was not cooking something she was feeding someone. My sister asked in a very pleasant tone
“Mommy can I have a glass of milk?”
“Off course Beti ( daughter) .. so finally my lovely daughter realized milk is good for her hmmm”
“Mommy I want to feed the kitty”
“Oh God! Is it still alive. It must be lucky to survive you two demon girls. Have you been picking it up and bothering it much?”
“No Mommy we have made it sleep in the basket on an old sweater”
“Whose old sweater?”
“Grandma’s old sweater. Fari said that is the best one for our kitty”.
“Off course she would say that… I can almost hear her saying that and I can also hear your grandma shrieking and making a fuss out of this .. OH! What else for today?”
“Don’t worry Mommy. I will tell Naani that I took her sweater and please let me keep it. She won’t say anything”
My sister was right. She was my grandmother’s pet and she would forgive her few murders, where as she would not forgive me one dirty look in her direction.
So she came back with the milk and we both took turns in feeding the kitty. We had to decide on a name and we decided to call her either Rosy (because of her pink nose) or Julie for some unknown reason. Finally we ended up calling her Julie because my sisters teacher was Rosy and we did not want the cat to share the teachers name.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
“ Do you always feel confused ?”
“ Ah! Here comes the word I hate the most. How can something related to people be described as always? That is the worst mistake you grown ups do. I hate to listen to that word. Sometimes it is so silly. There is nothing like always when we are talking about people. It is a word which describes the sunrise and sunset the best.. Sun always rises in the east and sets in the west.
Let me tell you what happens when people assume something always happens in a particular way. This incident was not a big deal but it made me go through a lot of emotions..
One day my mother wanted some puffed rice and she sent me to the shop to get it. There is a shop in quite some distance from my home where such stuff is sold. I went there to find the shop closed. I came back home and told my Mom so.
“How is that? He is always open on Tuesdays. He is closed only on Fridays. He has to be there. May be you did not go all the distance because you felt lazy. He is always there and you better go and get the puffed rice. I am getting late in serving the breakfast”
Now I start to wonder what I am to do. This is so frustrating and I am not very happy. My mind starts on its evil journey where I decide to get back at my Mommy. I decide to use the word always as much as possible in everything to irritate her.
I am standing there wondering when my Mommy says
“Now when are you going to get the puffed rice?”
“I am not going alone. Send someone with me so that you will know I am not lying. You are ALWAYS sending only me on errands.”
So I am sent back to get the puffed rice from the shop that is closed with my sister accompanying me. She loves to catch me red handed doing mischief. I can see the grin and now I am more dedicated to keep her included in the revenge which I would have on my Mommy. Can’t I love them? I think I do and quite a lot. But this feeling of anger and revenge comes over me when something irritates me. When I am pushed by them. I am very sure that I do not want them hurting or in pain ever. As I am walking I start wondering what if the shop keeper has come back? What if he had temporarily closed it? Would I be labeled a liar? But then I relax thinking there is always a way out. I can ask the shopkeeper where he had been a little while ago when I had come down.. Whew!!! What a relief it was.
The shop was closed. So I laugh and say “See, coming all the way down here was a waste of time and energy for both of us.. Mommy is so silly and she does not trust us ( I wanted to include her with me). We are walking back very slow when I saw a kitten shivering in mud water. I love kittens a lot and wanted to have one at home. It was so cute that I was willing to fight hard to keep it with me but then I realized that I need not do it at all LOL. I have someone else who would do all the dirty work for me.
“Babe!!! (my sister’s pet name). Look what a nice little kitty there. I am sure if washed it is going to be all white and shiny. You said you wanted a pet few days ago… ( she wanted a parrot or dog for a pet) how about taking this and cleaning it. Shall we take it with us?”
“Wow! It is so pretty. And poor thing it is suffering so bad. I hate its mother who has left it to die here. Come let us pick it up”
“Wait I saw it and I am going to take it home”
“I am bigger than you and it will be safe with me.. please let me carry it home. Here hold this bag and money. Let us pick it up and take it home and clean it”
“We need to clean it before we show it to others. Or else they will tell us it is stray dirty kitty and we should not bring it in”
Here WE is just another form of YOU. It was meant ‘you’ but said ‘we’ ha ha ha….
I knew with all her pride and I am leader qualities she would do everything all the way till fighting to keep the kitty near the bed where we sleep.
To be continued………………
Friday, January 22, 2010
Shows I like to watch
Sorry about this .. I do not have a TV at home.
8 things I look forward too
Finishing my graduation with flying colors
Getting on stable ground in life
Being independent and free
Getting my daughter safe and settled
Making sure my son has a good goal in life
Watching Avatar on big screen in 3D
Getting a dream job
Living in a house with basic facilities like running water, uninterrupted power supply, etc
8 things that happened yesterday
The sun came up from west and went down in east
I tried my hand at yoga again after giving it up for 8 years
Worked part time in my school and enjoyed every moment of it
Spent time with my kids
Had an argument with husband over phone
Felt insecure about the whole marriage after the argument :(
Spent time on internet trying to come out of gloom
Slept happily until morning
8 things I love about winter
I don’t sweat 24/7. Only 14/7
I can try some of my good dresses on
I can leave my hair down for few hours
I can enjoy a hot coffee
Can save on power a bit (by switching off the ceiling fan)
Can be sure I am not dehydrated
Can walk around without putting my tongue out and panting
Soft drinks are not necessity of life in winter
8 things on my wish list
I wish my kids to have a beautiful future
I wish all the kids in the world to have a beautiful future because they deserve it
I wish for a cure for cancer.. it sucks to live in fear of it coming back
I wish for more encouragement for my blog (comments please LOL)
I wish to visit
I wish to meet the people I am connected to in real life
I wish to own a Ferrari
I wish to fall in love …..
8 things I am passionate about
Internet and computer
Friends and family
8 phrases I use often
You are absolutely right!
I am blessed! (all above three are mostly sarcastic)
Oh MY God! No.. not again…
NO.. I mean NO
Don’t say please.. it will not take you anywhere!
Wait for sometime…. And wait quietly
F*&^ and S&^% ( hanging down my head in shame here)
8 things I have learned from the past (not copied from anywhere.. genuinely learnt lessons )
You will buy decisions in secs for which you will pay in years..
Do not believe in promises made during er%$tion .. they will be forgotten after ej&^tion..
Wonderful relationship with your children is something precious and at your hand. Reach out and grab it before it slips off
No matter what you do.. you always end up feeling you should have done more for your parents.
Never give up on education… for any reason. It is your right and get it. If not you may have to regret
Love and money are not stable things in our lives
Always believe in good luck.. do not depend on it
You get to live your life only once… make decisions and responsible for it. Or else you will regret when you are 44
8 places I want to visit
8 things I want/ need
House with basic needs supplied
A good job
8 bloggers I would like to tag
Thursday, January 21, 2010
It made a difference to me when I was in dumps... It actually made me take a step up .. one at time and come out of the pits. I remember my school days and lovingly recall the Moral Science period we had back then. Our teachers would narrate wonderful stories which had a moral behind it. Also they allowed us to discuss any doubt we had. It has gone a long way in shaping my character and personality. Now I don't see it in schools around here any more. Maths, Social Science, General Science, English etc etc are the only things kids are getting to learn. When will people realize the importance of Moral Science in school again??? Isn't it important to equip our children with skills to deal with life?
One day a farmer‘s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn’t worth it to be retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come out and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then to everyone’s astonishment, he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. as the farmers neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal he shook it off and took a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped over the edge of the well and trotted of !!!!!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!!!!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy
1) Free your heart from hatred
2) Free your mind from worries
3) Live a simple life
4) Give more
5) Expect less
Enjoy your time………………………………..
And remember ..
Shake it off…!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
We have to agree that life is a comedy... LOL
Monday, January 18, 2010
More than all the pills and pricks
A kind word can do the tricks
A kind word that touches the heart
So sincerely it plays its part
That we forget we are sick with pain
And find the bright light shining again……………….
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Sunday, January 17, 2010
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top !!!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
We are busy with our lives most of the time. Now the world is moving at a pace where we are running to be on the same spot. Money has become very important aspect and earning it, we are at times losing out on valuable relationships.
We don’t have time for our Parents who are old and are looking forward to get some amount of love and attention they invested in us. How many of us at least try to pay the interest leave alone the principal amount?? When it comes to pay the loan we have taken from bank we are so prompt. We would feel so ashamed if we cheated them but when we do not pay back our parents there is no feeling of guilt at all.
Brothers and sisters are all lost in our hectic schedule and so are best of the friends.
Lonely wives waiting for the hubbies to come over for dinner and falling asleep on the dining table is a common sight. Many of them (including me) have spent their youth and most of middle age being grass widows.
Then come the children. Those tiny tots for whom parents are the idols to look forward to. They yearn for the little praise and little hug of love. But how generous are we to them? As I type this out I just wonder whether I should shut down the computer and be with my two lovely kids because I should practice before I preach………….. but then they are off to school and college respectively. So I am free to preach you all.
Here is a incident I read long ago which touched my heart ,,,,,,,,,
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his six-year-old
son waiting for him at the door. “Daddy, may 1 ask you a question?”“Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.
“Daddy, how much do you make an hour?” Thats none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily. “1 just want to know Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy. “If you must know, I make Rs 50 an hour.”
“Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I please borrow Rs 25?”The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy then go straight to your room and think about why you are being so selfish. Do I work hard everyday for such this childish behaviour?” After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs 25 and the kid really didn’t ask for money very often.
The man opened the door of the little boy’s room and went up to his son, “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man, “lts been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the Rs 25 you asked for”
The little boy sat straightup,.smiling. “Oh! I love you, daddy!” Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. “Daddy, I have Rs 50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”•
If you are interested in helping out the Haitian children, I am posting a link to a blog that has lists of trusted agencies devoted entirely to those efforts. LINK Even if you don’t want to read about Haitian relief, it's a blog that will touch your heart. I highly recommend it.♥
Thursday, January 14, 2010