Tuesday, February 28, 2012

A Girl with Brown Eyes on Her Back

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?
Henry David Thoreau

When we were touring USA and staying with my friend Paula for four months, Farheena was very much influenced by the Americans. She wanted to be one of them first by changing her appearance and then her attitude. Now one thing missing from her style of imitation was the wedding ring all my married friends wore. Most of them had one special finger ring and Farheena started pestering me for one.
Finally we decided to get her one and off we went with Paula to a mall, shopping for a perfect ring for Farheena. I had limited budget and had to get something for her in that. What came within my budget did not look very special to Farheena and so she kept moving from counter to counter choosing finger rings which were way beyond my budget. I was distracted by something and when I looked back I found her standing still in her tracks staring a young lady in 20’s who was shopping for kids items nearby. Farheena doesn’t like people staring at her; neither does she stare at people. This was odd. I told her in a whisper not to stare at people like that, because that was rude. Anyway, I could not see any reason for Farheena to stare at her either. Farheena whispered back a bit loudly saying eyes… eyes …eyes...
The young lady turned towards me and smiled. I was feeling quite embarrassed thinking that, maybe she knows Farheena is staring at her and even talking about her. I was giving her a smile back, when Paula came back to join us from nowhere. The girl walked up to me and told me that she has been observing Farheena for sometime now, as she found her very attractive. Her innocence had captured her heart. I was relieved that she was not offended and told her that Farheena never stares at people, but something about her had caught her attention. She laughed out loud and told me that must be the two eyes she had on her back which Farheena had seen. I was taken aback and so was Paula, when she quickly turned her back to us and we found being stared at by two eyes on her back just below the nape of her neck. It took us some time to realize that those were real looking tattoos of brown eyes. Paula and I stood stunned as her back stared at us. It was as though the eyes were real and watching us. That was the most amazing tattoo I have ever seen.  Even Paula, the tattoo hater, was quite impressed with it.
She wanted to know about Farheena and we wanted to know about her. All four of us moved to a corner and started sharing our stories. When Paula is around she does the most and starts talking even before our lips can part. She told her about how we connected through breast cancer support board, the story of our dream visit of USA, the miracle of everything falling in places and many such stories.
Taysha, the girl with brown eyes on her face and back, said that the tattoo on her back was done by her when she was cheated by her boyfriend when she was pregnant with his child at the age of 17. It reminded her to watch out for those who cheated her behind her back. Once bitten always shy. Like every dark cloud having a silver lining, her child was a blessing for her. She went through some illness 3 years later which meant she could not conceive again. Paula and I were very much touched by her story and we had to fight hard to control our tears. She had gone through so much at very young age. She said she was wondering if a girl like her could be taken for a ride so easily, how Farheena could be safe in this world. How could she know the good from the bad?
When God or Nature or whatever takes one thing from you, then it compensates it with something other. Farheena being a special needs child has this ability to know good and bad people. In the past few years I have learned to accept her gut feeling more than my gut feeling, my brain, my experience or my heart. She keeps away from people who may hurt her and at times tells me she doesn’t want to be with someone or someplace as she feels it is not safe for her. I quickly take steps to keep her away from that and so far I do not even know whether she is right or wrong. I don’t want to find out she is right either.
I was discussing this with Taysha when all of sudden she removed a ring from her finger and handed it to Farheena. I and Paula both stopped her telling that we will find a ring for her. She told us it was not easy to find a perfect ring for Farheena because she was special and deserved something very special. The ring she was giving her was very close to her heart, but she hesitated to tell us more. She made Farheena promise that she would take care of it and not lose it ever. I and Paula were not comfortable with a stranger giving a special gift to Farheena. Paula whispered that we should pay her in some way. We decided to take her address and get in touch with her later.
She was walking away after giving a big hug with tears in her eyes when Paula asked her for her phone number. She wrote down her email ID in my phonebook and gave it to Paula telling her that she would give her number over the mail later. We said goodbye to her and brought the now satisfied Farheena back home. Farheena was very happy with the gift she got, because she had found love and affection from a person not known to her earlier.
Though I do not use the phone book much, I cannot bring
myself to throw away her writing...
When we tried to get in touch with Taysha through her email, it bounced back. I feel she did not want us to pay her back in any way, which is why she avoided giving us her contact info.
I had met many wonderful people in USA who have left a permanent impression one me, but they were not strangers. They were friends who were like a family to me. The four months we spent in USA has been the most remarkable period of our life with lots of fun, parties and meeting friends. It is amazing how a young woman stands out in my memory among all this marvelous events. I had barely seen her for more than an hour. Farheena thinks of her often, and keeps the ring safe after one bad experience of losing it for a short time. With people being divided by religion, colors, attitudes, beliefs, boundaries, languages etc, it is wonderful how people also connect and bond with each other so easily. I have learned something from the girl with brown eyes on her back and that makes me worry less about Farheena’s life after me, because I realize there are people who can love her unconditionally, unselfishly and without expectation in this big bad world.
Farheena's gift of the golden ring with the word 'LOVE' engraved in a heart.

 This article is written as part of the contest organized on IndiBlogger by Travel Around the World with Expedia  

Sunday, February 26, 2012

You Have Got It All Wrong -

Thank you Blogadda

You have got it all wrong ....
 Statutory warning: Keep away if you hate narcissism 

Some discussions on my blog comment had me thinking and evaluating myself. Going through my illness and laying on the hospital I had nothing much to do, so I got my brain working.
“Why do you bother about what others say?” you may ask.  Hmmm… Yeah! I am one of those people who think about crap before flushing it off.  Anyway, I noticed an odd trend when people say they respect me or applaud me. It is all for the wrong reason. Most of them respect me and applaud me for surviving cancer, when they should be applauding my doctor for having done a great job on me. Did I have a choice and fight for someone else? Did I fight for a noble cause? Did I fight for world peace? No. I fought cancer and survived because I was greedy for life, I wanted to be with my kids. I couldn't leave them behind and die. There, I was totally selfish and greedy, but people respect and applaud me for being a survivor for 15 years now. 
 Not many may know that I feel a sense of guilt at times for having survived, when I have lost my dear ones to the monster. Like the question, ‘why me?’ I often do ask, ‘why not me?’ I did what anyone would do, maybe I did it in a bit of style by choosing the right response, at a young age of 29, with two small kids; but I did what anyone with cancer would do. Fight the monster to save my life and be with my loved ones. Why should somebody applaud me for that? You say the attitude and will power etc etc but that is not a big deal.
Coming to Farheena, she is my only daughter. I am loving person towards kids, so naturally I love her. I love to talk about her, tell people how special needs people are really special in many ways. She has touched my life in the most unique way, given me a special vision to look at the world. There is nothing special when I love her. She is lovable kid and most of the people who have been touched by her, love her. There is nothing you have to respect or applaud me for being a good Mom. There are only good moms in this world, if they are not good then they are not moms.

I don’t say you have to disrespect me people. That is not my horrible intention at all. I want you to stand up and applaud me as loud as possible for my real great achievements. Actually what follows in this blog could end up as height of self-admiration of a woman for herself, but Ahem! Here I start my real deserving list of achievements.
Though I am living in a village, where you cannot tell one woman from other, when they belong to my community, I have made a mark for myself. Yes, I do walk around here totally covered with my black robe, where you see only my eyes. I was commonly addressed as ‘Bibi’ when I visited offices, hospitals or any public place. The darkness is strong enough to overwhelm people and swallow them whole as a python.  I haven’t allowed the shadow of my cloak to overshadow me, I have found light and shone my colors through it. It may have swallowed many people like me, but I have escaped it clutches and I have discovered the real me. I am not a Bibi anymore for the people.  It is hard, it is dangerous and it takes a lot to hurt your own people, especially when you love them. It is tough to question what everyone around you believes in. I had the courage to do it. I am brave enough to stand up and say what I really am. Not until you are there will you know, how it feels to be an ugly duckling among the chickens.
I have never allowed anyone to treat my daughter differently or without respect. I have been strong and fought to get her the love and respect she deserves. No one dares to fool around or mess with her. Bringing out this kind of behavior from people who were not used to it is something I have achieved.

 From a small depleted house, sitting in my small room, where my tall brother cannot stretch himself, I reach out to the world. I have fallen down only to get up with more vehemence. When everything was fading away in my life, I picked up the leftovers and started to prepare a new dish to relish. I reached up and caught the rainbow of my dream – pursuing my education again at the age of 44.
It is not easy at my age to sit down like a school kid, prepare notes and study for the exams. What with children, house work and my health issues distracting me. But I did. I studied hard enough to score first class passing marks in my first two years of graduation, and, the jewel in the crown was my scoring 92% marks in Psychology. It is something when you do that with your chemo brain. My brain is not what it used to be in school days, where I could memorize pages within hours.
I have learned everything about internet and computers, surrounded by the walls of my room. All the help I got, was an instruction on how to switch on a computer. Today, I am kind of computer repair person. I can almost fix my computer all by myself.
My blog is something I feel proud about again. It is not easy to share your problems, miseries with the world. Some say, pouring my heart out on the blog can take away my pain. Only those who haven’t lost a breast, been worried about the future of their child, lost dear ones to cancer or suffered as me can say that. Easing pain is not that easy. Even if I write thousand of blogs and millions will read it, the problems and pain will stay. When I was supposed to be quite and walk in shadows, I dared to go ahead and share a part of me with the whole world. I received a lot of flak for posting my personal details, pictures and other information on my blog, but I decided to live my life my own way. It is not tough when you are independent financially and healthy person. For me, being a rebel meant a great risk. I don’t have a job that could support me, neither am I highly educated, I fear recurrence which looms on my head all the time and I am responsible for my daughter. These restrictions were pulling me strongly towards the gutter where I could lie, rot and be lost without trace after a few years. I have decided to jump in and check the depth of the well. This is something I would pat my back for if I could just reach it….
Win= Sin? Wrong again. When I win, be it a blogging or any other competition, you need to realize it could be a small victory for me, but a great victory for those women who are lost in the shadows. When, a housewife, uneducated woman competes with great writers, geeks and wins blogging contest, you should stand up and applaud and show some respect, but I find people reacting differently to this so often. My problems, my disabilities do hold me back; distract me when I sit down to write a blog. Yet I do not allow my mind to wander in gloom and doom. I get it to work. 
This is what belongs to ‘me’; this is what I have achieved. Not my survival of cancer. That is where I have been lucky. I share and brag about my cancer survival so that others would realize cancer doesn't mean death. It doesn't control your life. I wish to spread hope of the survival.  I wish someone would really appreciate me for the right reason sometime.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Can We Ever Say, “I Can Quit Now”?

Tired but feeling better ....

Add caption
Fifteen years ago, when I was waiting for the Biopsy reports of the lump I had found in my left breast, I was worried leaving behind my children and dying. Unfortunately, it turned out positive for breast cancer, III stage, and 10 positive nodes. With treatment which involved surgery and chemotherapy I survived.
 8 years later I went through another scare of recurrence with a scar tissue hardening up on my operated site. My children had grown up by then, but the fear of leaving them behind and dying still lingered in my mind. I did not discuss it with them and they did not know anything about this. The reports came back saying it is negative for cancer.
13 years later, a lump was found in my right breast and I worried again about leaving behind my children who were teens now. They did not know much about it because again I thought let me find out first and then let them know. It turned out benign.
Last month, a polyp was seen in my digestive system. Doctors said it looks sinister and should be removed to be sent for testing immediately. Could it be cancer, the fear came back again, to my surprise again I found myself being worried about my two kids, ooopppsss sorry, they are grown up young people now. So correction, I found myself worrying about my youngsters again. Rayyan is not even living with me anymore, as he is doing his animation in Bangalore and staying in a PG. Farheena is still the same kid and needs me and that doesn’t seem to change ever.
I did some introspection and checked out myself; whether I was just holding on to the kids as a reason for my own instinct to survive and live. We humans are known for our eternal quest for long life and eternal youth since ages. Somehow I feel it is the kids who are motivating me to fight better.
Both Rayyan and Farheena responded in two different ways to my hospital experience.
Farheena was very nervous and on the edge most of the time. Every time I coughed, sneezed or even turned to change sides while sleeping, she would ask, “What happened Maa?” It was sad to see her worry so much. She did not sleep the whole night prior to my surgery. Whenever she heard a tiny sound from my side, she would be alert and wanting to know whether I was all right. The hospital must have scared her a little more. With no option left this time around, I had to take both of them with me to the hospital.
Rayyan on the other hand, was the rock of support for both of us. He had a storm churning inside him, I could sense his concern and worry but he tried very hard not to show it to anyone. He took great care of Farheena and was there handy for me whenever I needed something. He never asked anything or talked about anything. But if I had to say something he was all ears and listening without throwing much advice.
Both their response wrung my heart. I think they suffered more than me all through this ordeal. The way things are going nothing seems to be changing soon. So maybe for years and years to come I will say the same thing, I am afraid to leave behind my kids and die. I don’t see when I will ever be ready to quit.
I say may be it will be good enough when Rayyan is married and settled down with his family, but then I may find some other excuse. Life is never going to be smooth and I would want to be there to clear bumps for my children even when they are sprouting grey hairs.  We can never say ‘I am ready to quit now’. That is human nature.
I finally sat down today morning and thanked God for the life he had granted me after my BC experience. It thanked him for allowing me in bringing up my kids up the way I wanted them to be brought up; keeping them away from violent behavior, bad habits, swearing words, addictions and narrow mentality. I wanted them to be kind, gentle and humane in their life and they are. The time I spent with them has been wonderful and they have made me very happy.
I thanked God for allowing me to get closer to myself and know, understand and discover the person I am meant to be in a better way. Today I see myself as a much better human than I was during my pre cancer days. I thanked God for allowing me a chance to correct and improve myself.
I may not say I am going to quit now but I can be strong enough to face life or death without complaints anymore. If I go on finding reasons to complain than I am going to have it always handy forever. No matter what happens, it will never be enough. Somewhere I have to stop and be grateful for what I have received in that past few years.  
I am glad I did not make a drama of being sick and waiting for reports like Ekta Kapoor made Priya do in Bade Acche Laggte Hain recently. Because I got a pat on the back (very rare thing) from Farheena, who said, “Maa you are much better than Priya who was so scared to go and collect her report. You were so cool about it”. LOL
 Wonder how come I talk about TV serials without having a TV at home? I was hooked to KBC and connected to it through internet. This serial plays right after it and Farheena got hooked to it. Farheena loves watching Priya and Ram Kapoor, therefore I do watch it with her in between. She loves to watch the antics of Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Show’ too, that I love watching along with her. Anyway Farheena made me realize that cancer or survival of it is not as glamorous as media shows us. In real life there is silent suffering. Not the wish list and people waiting to fulfill it. Sigh!

PS: A note to all bloggers who tagged me in awards or some other activity. I am sorry that my brain was not good enough to respond to your honor. I was exhausted and tired. Still recovering but I think I can occasionally write a post and read few at the moment. Sorry Guys. 

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Animator: Name Game..

This is the beginning of the blogging journey for Rayyan. Wish you all the best.

Having fun playing around with Photoshop CS4, premiere pro CS4 and sound forge !!!!!
Party Smiley

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Hidden Human Nature ..

The good news is that my reports came back negative for cancer. Whew!!!! My son has been a wonderful support all through my terrible scary journey of going through the treatment and wait for the reports. My daughter was worried and needed him by her side. The surgery has taken its toll and I am still unable to spend more time typing my blogs, so I am sharing something which I had posted earlier.
I know it is such a torture to read lengthy poetry work, but this is something very close to my heart, and today I feel like sharing it with you people once again. I usually write something very short but one day this just came out of blue when I heard my brother-in-law was getting remarried after he lost my sister to breast cancer.
I asked myself the questions,
Is all the love and care people show for us true?
How would people react to death if no one was looking over?
How long do we pine for those we know are never going to come back?
There were hoards of questions flooding through my mind and as an answer I went on scribbling something on the notebook I had in my hands. When I read it, I was shocked to see I had come out with a story poem which touched my heart…

Hidden Human Nature

Once upon a time, there lived a kind and just king

Everyone loved him; his praise they would sing

With his two sons and his beautiful wife
He was very happy and content with life
One morning, while riding his horse, a tragedy struck
He fell from his horse and was dead by sheer bad luck
The angels took away his soul as written in the record
To decide about his future they presented him before the Lord
With one glance at his pure heart the Almighty could tell
He belonged to the heaven and not to the hell
Yet drops and drops of tears rolled down from the king's eyes
God realized though good, the king was not wise
"My son, you weep because, you are not smart
Don't weep, very unreliable is human heart
Try to forget the past days, try to push the memories away
In this heaven where you don't die, you can forever happily stay"
Slowly the king whispered "I know my Lord, what I lack.
Where I am loved by everyone; there, I want to go back
My brave commander, wisest of all men my minister
They are all dutiful; nothing in my life is sinister
Everyone loves me dearly. In turn I love them all
My sons are obedient and are always at my beck and call
My queens fidelity my Lord, could surpass that of Penelope
More happiness than this to find, I can never even hope
I need no heaven now or anytime hereafter
Happy I am in my kingdom, whatever is the matter
‘O' Father, send me there where everyone loves me
If not, I assure you broken my heart would be"
God did not wish to break his heart, for good hearts are rare
Yet by his own rules he couldn't send him back there
Said God, "Once dead no one can go back dear son,
Yet I will send you back, though now you can't be seen or heard by anyone
Because you will receive your body only after three days
Till then you will be hiding and watching how everyone behaves
But if you fill find out sadly that people are selfish
You can come back to me anytime with your mere wish."
Two angels brought back to earth the now smiling King
There he had to watch, over his funeral his dear ones mourning
"Don't weep darlings," he said "this death is just illusion
Wait for just three days and there will be no more confusion"
No one could hear nor see their beloved King
They sobbed bitterly over the most tragic happening
Each and everyone was only talking about the King's death
They hated to be alive and cursed their every breath
One look at their face and even the silliest could tell
Since morning no one had gulped even a single morsel
The King's heart was touched deeply seeing all the love
He strongly decided once again, I will not go to heaven above
Thinking of his friendly minister the King came to where he lived
The ghastly sight that met his eyes had to be seen to be believed
His dear friend held tightly in his hand a very sharp knife
His bodyguards were putting in every effort to save his life
"Don't kill yourself," cried the King "O my dearest friend.
This is just a passing phase, believe me this is not the end."
The minister who was exhausted just slumped down
His children wept and his wife sat there fanning him with tip of her gown
‘What is my commander doing?' questioned the King in wonder
When he found sobbing and weeping his brave strong commander
Pointing towards sky the brave one let out a loud cry
"If you had to take a life our King's life ..... WHY?
In his place could you not push me into the grave?"
He banged his head and wept. He was no more ‘The Brave’.
The King's burning soul now cried for some solace
So he decided it was time to visit his palace
All the servants there stood still, all of them were silent
Not a sound could be heard, save a sigh and a lament
His two children were crying in the their own chambers
All consoling and cajoling only fuelled the embers
As tears trickled down they did not bother to wipe it either
Just under their breath they whispered, "Father! Dear father!"
It was too much for the King to suffer without being heard or seen
He wanted to find some consolation in his dear beloved queen
He found her laying still and shocked, on the cozy bed
Two faithful maidens stood wiping tears from the eyes ruby red
Looking at his queen's state the King bitterly cried
"Why are your luscious lips now parched and dried?
O dear! My beloved, like dead why do you sleep?
Why is your perfect hair disheveled and why your breaths so deep?
O my dearest, I am here. Only I cannot be seen."
He tried to talk but failed to console his beloved queen.
Suddenly the queen moved and she got up with a start
And let out a heart rending cry clasping her heart
"My beloved! MY love! My King! Where are you?
They say you are dead. How can this be true?
Life without you is worse than death, how can I bear this pain!"
Uttering those words she wept bitterly and fainted again.
Her maids discussed that it was the routine since morning
Anxiety rose in them and soon the doctor was called in
Absent minded the doctor gave some medicine which would help
The doctor like usual was not his jovial self
The King never had known, his queen loved him so much
He caressed her head though she did not feel his touch
Unable to move from her side he sat beside her on the bed
Cruel it was he couldn't console anyone by showing he was not dead
After a long time the queen slowly started stirring
"I want to be alone with the memories and thoughts of my King".
Saying so she sent away the maids and closed the door
Then she sat, biting her lips and her toe scratching the floor
The King feared there may be some danger to his beloved wife
He thought she was planning of putting an end to her worthless life
No one was around in the room or anywhere nearby on the cold, silent and dark night
When suddenly through the secret door of the chamber there arrived a light
Holding lamp in its hands slowly and steadily a shadow rocked
Peering at it the King saw his minister and he was totally shocked
‘What is he doing here?' thought the king ‘at this time of night'
Suddenly the queen rushed past the wondering King shouting with delight
She embraced and kissed the lips of her lover her dear minister
They whispered lovingly not knowing they had a visitor
"At last after many years, now we have become free'.
The King could neither weep nor laugh at this sadistic mockery
He was aghast seeing the naked form of love and friendship
His heart was burning as though it was scorched by thorny whip
He heard the queen planning of marrying as she could not be alone
‘Soon' she said the king of her heart would sit on the throne
This infidelity, this licentious treachery, the king could bear no more
He ran towards his son's chamber with a heart bitter and sore
There he was amazed to find their tongues and swords on full swing
They were fighting to decide, who would be the future king
Their faces were fierce. Of sorrow there was now no trace
The heart broken king had an urge to get out of that horrid palace
He realized in a hard way there is no value for human relation
For his burning soul he did not know where to find some consolation
On his way out he heard some low whispering sound
He followed it and all his servants discussing he found
They were discussing on his death rites what would be their share
The king heard them and moved ahead without much care
His commander-in-chief with army officials sat around a table
And announced "As the King is dead, the government is not stable
This is the proper time for coup; soon I will grab the power
When the crown is mine, on all of you, wealth I will shower".
Thus found the king his commander and his men of troupe
Not mourning anymore but scheming and planning for a coup
The King left that place even sadder than before
He thought to himself ‘why men are so rotten to the core?'
‘Yet everything is not lost' said to himself the poor King
‘My subjects still love me, my praises they still sing'
More sorrows awaited him as he observed them one by one
True love for him he could find in the heart of none
He then saw the beloved subjects who were now muttering and grumbling
And for the trouble caused they were even cursing the King
Now inside their homes making sure no one could hear them they said
"Is it our fault? Is it our problem that the king is dead?
We had to be starved and famished since today morning
If not others would accuse us of not loving our king
Everyone losing a day’s happiness was burning in anger
In the cover of darkness they were busy killing pangs of hunger
The King saw the bitter truth. Everyone in his life was a fraud
Losing his battle in a single day he sadly returned to God
"No more my Father", said the king, "I will suffer in this turmoil,
I thank you heartily for freeing me from this terrible mortal coil
Until now I thought everyone to me were duty bound
I am amazed and sad by the truth which today I found
No one cares for others vicissitudes nor are their actions just
All men and women are busy consoling their burning lust
Children need parents when are to be cared and fed
They care not a fig for parents when they learn they are dead
Everyone there My Lord I found so greedy and selfish
I wished to go back to them? I am very foolish
What I now realize is that all the love I felt back on earth
Was just a great drama without any real worth?
The world down there is very unkind and cruel
Happy I will be in heaven or even in a Hell
But never will I go back to my kingdom again
One meeting with the naked truth has given me enough pain".
Saying thus with shame the King hung his head down
The ever smiling God looked at him with a deep frown
"I created Man with great care and perfected his every part
But somehow I feel I went wrong when creating his heart
Its feelings were so selfish I had to hide it in his chest
Of all the gifts I have given to man this is the best
I had to give them power to lie, pretend and act
To lessen their selfish hearts acidic impact
To live with naked truth Man has not enough power
So the true faces I have hid behind a pleasant cover
Yet, you hate none, dear son; you are truly brave and strong
I should be ashamed for it is my children who have done wrong".
To take the King to heaven for angels God sent call
And sat there alone wondering ‘WHY I created man after all…..'


Farida Rizwan

Friday, February 3, 2012

Life Is So Unpredictable...

Life is so unpredictable! So what is new about it you may ask? The new thing is, I can blog about it ;).

My son Rayyan came home for a week... I had big plans for us. First I went down with viral infection; which instantly degraded Rayyan from being the precious child on a visit home, to a ward boy. Poor thing! Later when I planned to visit our best friend; a precious girl who is like a daughter to me,  married recently and living in her in-laws place, I decided to have a check up with my doctor on way because of constant pain in the lowest part of my abdomen. My doctor found a grape sized polyp which was looking sinister there. She was sure it should be taken out as soon as possible, especially since I have already been through cancer earlier. We had a little friendly discussion, (she is my doctor but also a good friend) whether I should wait till Rayyan leaves or have him there to be my caretaker after the surgery. She convinced me to do it when he was around. 
I took leave from her because I wanted to finish what I started. So we went ahead to our friend’s house, spent some nice time there and then I got into the hospital.  There is a lot to talk about my hospital experience and my hours in hell due to some minor duty lapse on behalf of the staff… but that is for later. Not fit enough to do full blogging yet. Keep me in your prayers because I am waiting for the report on the polyp. Hope it is benial and has nothing to do with cancer….

When in hospital I heard someone call a lousy person “YOU DONKEY”  and I recalled something I had written back in my school days. Sharing one of my old poems with you.. hope no one will start arguing about this again …


Once I saw a donkey, climbing a mountain in great speed
I wondered what had happened, and tried to inquire, but it did not heed
Perceiving there was something fishy going on, I followed it to the top
I saw the donkey ready to jump; unable to bear I shouted “STOP”
I asked, “Why are you dying ‘O’ donkey, though you are so wise?
Don’t you know committing suicide is an act of cowardice?”
The donkey wept bitterly and asked “How can you know my worry?
If you have patience to bear, I will tell you my story.
I have served my master all my life, with great love and care
Unlike his disobedient children who just roam here and there
But now whenever his children do something, which is not good
He calls them ‘You donkeys’, which is a disgrace to whole donkeyhood
How can I bear to hear him compare his bad children with me?
Instead of being compared with lousy humans, better dead I would be”
I had no words of comfort to say to this poor creature
But I resolved never to compare any human to animal in future.


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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