Friday, March 28, 2014

As you sow, so shall you reap!

A funny incident took place at home recently which was a great eye opener for me. We had issues with fees payment of Rayyan with a bit of confusion thrown in for spice. Finally, the issue was sorted out and a slip given which finalized what we had to pay.
I placed the slip very safely so that there will be no more confusion for us. But all of a sudden I realized that for the sake of heaven or hell, I could not recall where I had kept it. This does not happen to me. I am a person who can recall where I have kept things after years. Even after I turned almost everything upside down, there was no sign of the slip. Later in the day, I and Rayyan were discussing the new ‘Batman’ movie and I could not remember the name of the actor who was playing the role of batman. I could not recall the name of Ben Affleck. Eewww, that kind of scared me. As a part of my M.S. in Counseling and Psychotherapy, I am reading a lot about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. When you read psychology, you always end up relating yourself or people you know with one or other disorder. So I was wondering whether this was an indication that I was losing my memory. Rayyan found this very funny and started to tease me, which he loves to do all the time. I don’t blame him for this as I myself never let an opportunity to pull his leg slip by me.
We were having a mini funny fight when Farheena walked in home from her school. The young lady asked, “What’s going on?” Rayyan became serious and explained, “Maa has lost her memory. She cannot recall anything and is totally forgetful now. I don’t know what do to?” Farheena, totally calm and composed reassured him, “Don’t worry. Now that I am here, I will take care of everything”. It was very amazing to see her being so sure of herself. I decided to play along and shot her a questioning look. She pointed at the TV and asked what it is, I said I don’t know. She explained it is TV. The same procedure was repeated for the computer, table, phone, Rayyan, herself and me. I purposely kept making mistakes. She never scolded me, nor did she lose her patience. She went on training me in remembering the names of people and things around me. Finally, I decided it was enough and stopped the game and said, “Ahah! Now I can recall everything”. She turned towards Rayyan and said confidently, “There, the problem is solved”.
Annie being pampered for a festival
We had a good laugh over this incident at first, but later, when I went back over the incident in my mind; a great truth struck me and I realized that we reap what we sow, especially when it comes to our children. I never stop blowing my own trumpet shamelessly when it comes to my children or me being an amazing mom. I am not sure how many people around me have been tired of listening to my happy mom tales, but they keep their mouth shut and as a result, I don’t shut my mouth. Some rubbish off my happy mom tales as a honky dory unbelievable made up stories; because for most people, a healthy relationship without stress with their children is not something they can even imagine.
I have shown extreme patience in training my special needs daughter in her life skills. At times it would take me years to teach her a single activity or word. I took one step at a time to travel miles. I used to repeat instructions to her, until finally she could do it. She showed the same courtesy to me. Though we were playing a game, Farheena did not know that. That is the innocence that comes naturally to her with her special needs. It also made me realize in case I end up losing my memory, how she is going to take care of me.
The train of thought went chugging along and I see my parenting reflecting in my children’s behavior. They are not like me, but I know they are like my parenting. Farheena has a doll named Annie. She is treated with respect, love and care in my home. She is never left out of any activity. Annie gets the same upbringing that I have given Farheena.
Rayyan was a curious kid who used to discuss things around him with me, and ask a lot of questions. I used to drop down whatever I was doing to share some time with him when he wanted to discuss something. I never told him that his ideas were impossible, weird or rubbish. We always had healthy discussion which finally has made me a better person today. Rayyan shows the same courtesy and patience towards his cousins, who are much younger to him. He patiently teaches them computer games, using apps or drawing. He is very patient in answering their questions. His interaction with children is very similar to the way I interact with him. In fact, my sister says he is the best caretaker of children she has ever met.
With Rayyan around, children are always in smile
Rayyan has been solely responsible for Farheena’s computer skill. When she said, she wanted to use computer, he never said it was not possible for her. He patiently kept showing her keyboard keys and how to use them. His patience in teaching her how to use computer and facebook is beyond my reach.
I cannot say that I never use foul words. But, I have made sure that I never use them with or in front of my children. I have been very strict with the use of language and expression, though it meant biting my tongue quite hard at times. The result is, I don’t see the use of **&%$ words in their vocabulary list.
Be kind and gentle to those who cannot speak
for their rights
They are very kind and loving towards animals, even those that end up harming us eventually. They have no violence, anger or cruelty in their heart towards any living creature. They do not discriminate anyone based on their status or appearance.
I feel God has immense love for me to trust me with his two best creations. I don’t worry about my children lying to me, neither do I worry that they keep some secrets. They do not argue but they do discuss things in a healthy way. They know when Mom is right, and so do I know when I am wrong and they are right. We accept our mistakes gracefully and move on.
The list would grow on. As I said earlier, I love blowing my own trumpet when it comes to being a mom. But finally it all just reminded me of what I had heard in my moral science class nearly 4 decades ago. As you sow, so shall you reap! True. I have sown well and I love the harvest. Parenting is tough, but if we dedicate ourselves to bringing up our children well, the result is going to be worth much more than our efforts.

12 comments:

  1. Every time I come to your blog I learn something new....You have two gems and I hope they keep sparkling your life with theirs forever :)

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    1. I am lucky to have those gems in my life... it makes everything that happens to me appear fair

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  2. Amen to that, Farida! That you are doing such a good job with them is pretty apparent.

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    1. They make my job of parenting very easy Rachna.

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  3. Awesome post, Farida, simple and therefore profound - awesome. But the biggest kudos to Farheena for bringing your memory back !

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  4. Oh the trumpet is heard loud and clear! You do what we cannot even imagine and I don't think I have even half your patience. :)

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    1. I cannot believe that Janaki. You seem very gentle and patient. I should ask your kids now LOL

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  5. Great post Farida ! Your good parenting skills reflect on your kids. I observed them during the last meet.They are so well brought up :)

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    1. Thanks Dina.. they came that way. I just prevented tampering and making them bad with my parenting.

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  6. Please keep blowing your trumpet. Seriously. The problem in this world is, very few good people blow their own trumpets. As a result, all we get to hear is the noise made by the empty vessels. To reiterate, please keep blowing your trumpet.

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    1. I love what you said. Thank you. But do you really think I need more encouragement? Huh?

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