Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Reflecting My Heart…

Nothing can match the lovely experience of parenting your child. When a woman is pregnant, everyone around wonders who will the baby look like. Will the traits the parents and family treasures to have in themselves be popping up through this baby? Once born the baby is said to have papa’s eyes, mama’s lips, aunt’s dimpled grin and grandma’s hair to lovingly showoff how they are all connected in making of this lovely being.  But, as this lovely baby hits teenage, no one wants to be responsible for the traits anymore.
There are many parents who want their children to be a reflection of themselves. In my career as a counselor, I often hear parents complaining that their children are not fitting into their dreams, not pursuing the career they designed for them or not being a reflection of themselves. Often, parents have conflicts with their child who refuses to show any similarity to them. A musician born to doctor parents, sportsman in the home of professor, artist in the home of engineers are always considered misfits.
It is very important to know that, though a part of our own flesh and blood, our children are not us. They are independent individuals with a mind of their own. Accepting them as they are is very important part of nurturing a child. There will always be some part of you reflecting in your child, even if they do not turn out to be your replicas. We have to be happy with that!
As a mom, I do not want my children to be my replicas. I don’t want them to be anything at all… whatever they are, that is what I have to be happy with.  I accept them as they are. This is one of the best traits I have in myself which I wished to see in my children as well. Somehow, it must be the shooting star or something very weird, which made my wish come true but in a much exaggerated form. My children, especially Rayyan, have taken acceptance to a level unknown to me so far. He is not just OK with the way he is, but also OK with everything happening around him.
What has amazed me so far is the effect this trait has in his life. He is completely conflict free person. At the age of 23, he is yet to have even a verbal fight with anyone around him. He is at peace with himself and the world around him.
As for Farheena, who is challenged child, I wanted to see another trait of mine to reflect in her. The girl has developed the never give up attitude towards life, and knows how to fight fiercely for her rights – exactly like her mom. No hurdle or challenge is going to intimidate her ever.
My children do not reflect me, but I feel they reflect my heart. As a teen, I either wanted to be an astrophysicist or a mom. I am so glad I ended up being a mom because I still love the experience.
Those who enjoy parenting and demand that their children fit into their dreams will have to take some time to be grateful to have the amazing experience of holding their baby in their arms in the first place.  What if they were never given a chance at all? We take parenting for granted because we do not understand the loss of people who never had children of their own. We don’t even know how to mourn the loss of those who were not even there in the first place.
 It is good to know that Nova IVI Infertility clinics has erased pain and spread around 5000 smiles. The achievement sure demands a standing ovation.


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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