Purple Hat

Got this in my mail today and thought this would be good enough to keep my blog running when I study for my exams.

In memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.


IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending
the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for
the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before
it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet
was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and
worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light
a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble
about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my
husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a
summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television
and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was
practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a
lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have
cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment
growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a
miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,
'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have
been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every
minute, look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it
back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or
who's doing what instead, let's cherish the relationships we
have with those who do love us.




KEEP IT LIT!

IN MEMORY .. . . . ..

These are the colors that represent the different cancers.



Psstttt... Still too busy preparing for the exams.. I miss you all so much, will be back to reading and writing blogs on 6th June .

Happy 15th Birthday to my lovely daughter Farheena

It looks just like a few years ago that I first saw her.. all messy, unwashed, crying in the hands of a nurse. But even in the messy state she was so cute.. so she is today. The pics will be uploaded in a few days and details about the celebration will also follow..
For now asking some prayers to be sent her way...

Wish you a very very happy birthday dear girl.. Maa loves you a lot

Her last years birthday Link

Pic of the dress I made for her last year.

Happy mothers day to all... and a bit of catching up

Hello dear friends,
I have been absconding for sometime from my blog. I have been busy preparing for my English literature exam and today I have finished my paper. Have done it quite well and now to wait for the evaluator to rate it.
The pepsi contest has been won by another blogger but through the contest I realized how blessed I am with wonderful friends who would lend their support to me when needed. So I have been a winner at the same time.

My kids have been amazing and have wholly lent their support to get me educated. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

A few years ago Rayyan (7 yrs) walked up to me and rendered a verse which I treasure as a best gift. It was said in much simpler words but I wrote it down and kept it in my own words. It was conveyed to me in our mother tongue and on the mothers Day I want to share it with you all…..

And God gave me a Maa.

God has given me legs to walk

A boneless tongue to talk

A short nose to poke about

A big mouth to eat and shout

A cheek to receive lovely kiss

Friends to help me in crisis

Wonderful teachers to teach

A father to discipline me and preach

A heart to warn me when dangers lurk

Two tiny hands to do my work

Above all God gave me a Mommy

Who can do everything for me!

She talks for me when my words fail

She pokes about when I lose trail

She shouts on my behalf when I have sore throat

She plays with me when my friends tire out

She teaches me what my teachers can’t

She preaches me when my father won’t

She is in my heart to make it strong

She is like music and a beautiful song

I love my Maa.

Off course I love that dear boy who is grown up now.. and he loves me as much yet. Not that my little girl love me any less ...

BTW I miss my dear Mommy a lot too..

Indusladies.com wishes everyone a Happy Mother's Day! It provides all of us the opportunity to reflect back on the special relationship we have with our kids and/or our mothers (Also, see our Parenting & Kids Forum).

For this Mother's Day, we are doing something special.

We at Indusladies.com have been consistently amazed by the incredible talent of our Mommy Bloggers. If you have read even a few of them, you would be awed by how they provide expression to the emotions and sentiments that exist in the unique relationship between a mom and her kids.

We want this tribe to flourish. For this mother's day, we want to pay tribute to our mommy bloggers and provide them exposure to the 1 Lakh members and Facebook/Twitter fans of Indusladies.com. Even if each of these bloggers pick up a few regular readers as a result of this, we would consider this initiative successful.

The attached E-Bbook has a list of over ( click here for the E-book ) - >50+ Mommy Blogs and over 250+ Blog Posts. Please download, enjoy and share!

Thank you.

Indusladies.com Team

I have survived breast cancer for 14 years and still going...

I think I don't even think of it anymore as today I did totally forgot that it is my cancerversary. 28th April 1996 I was operated on and I think I should count it as my start of survival against the cancer.
Hope with good wishes and support from friends like you I live on to blog more and also as a gift win the Pepsi contest.. What better way can be there to celebrate.
I know I need to write more about my survival but today I will just give you some stats. The thoughts will flow sometime when they have to.

At the time I was diagnosed, I already had too much on my plate. My sister was in the last stage of her fight with the same demon and I was fighting to find a solution for my daughters rare kind of challenge she faced. Doctors were saying she would not be able to see, talk or walk. Her brain had atrophied. I was 29 and my children were 11 months and 4 years respectively. I was worried about the emotional trauma my son was going through.

Today I am happy to see that my kids are almost adults and I have simple things like exams, contests, weight, white hairs, etc to worry about. I could even forget that I had fought the battle so hard few years ago.

My advice to people having rough period is don't quit.

And after that back to my usual crazy rant which has been going on for past few days LOL
I heartily thank everyone one of my friend who has generously commented on my Youngistaan Ka Wow ! contest blog post. The contest ends on 30th. Whew!! you all can sigh in relief as I will not pester you for comments after that...
Send little prayers that I will do good in my exams. I have been wanting to graduate since last ten years but with growing kids it never worked out. So finally after a long long wait I am doing it this year. I am excited and nervous too.

Pyramid of happiness

Use... this... in... life
Talk----Softly
Walk------Humbly
Eat----------Sensibly
Breathe----------Deeply
Sleep------------Sufficiently
Dress------------------smartly
Act----------------------fearlessly
Work-------------------------Patiently
Think---------------------------Truthfully
Believe-----------------------------Correctly
Behave---------------------------------Decently
Learn------------------------------------Practically
Plan-------------------------------------------Orderly
Earn--------------------------------------------Honestly
Save-----------------------------------------------Regularly
Spend-----------------------------------------------Intelligently
Live Life----------------------------------------------------Happily

Exams are nearing and I have to catch up with the studies. With holidays and having my daughter at home will never help but then she cannot go out without me either. I may not be on blogging much but I will catch up with everyone whenever I get back here. Meanwhile trying to keep the blog moving so that it will not become stagnant.

I heartily thank everyone one of my friend who has generously commented on my Youngistaan Ka Wow ! contest blog post. The contest ends on 30th. Whew!! you all can sigh in relief as I will not pester you for comments after that...
Send little prayers that I will do good in my exams. I have been wanting to graduate since last ten years but with growing kids it never worked out. So finally after a long long wait I am doing it this year. I am excited and nervous too.

Listening .. A skill taken for granted.

( People who have tagged me or awarded me .. Please forgive me for the delay in appreciating you. Life is very hectic and I am posting my musings which has been typed already as I cannot sit down and spend time on creating a blog post. I promise to do it.. just have patience. Thank you )

Listening is a skill many of us take for granted. If used properly this skill can win you more friends and a good reputation quite easily. Human beings are usually very expressive and in the race of showing off our views we do not care to listen. Listening is a best and cheapest gift we can give to people around us.

God (our creator) has given a clear message to us by giving us one mouth which looks best shut and two ears that cannot be closed that we have to do more listening than talking.

We cannot help hearing the sounds, but many a time we do not listen to what is being said. We just hear and don’t listen. We listen and do not comprehend at times.

Listening can be of various types like.

Active listening: - Here you are totally attentive and involved in what is being said. You give signals indicating ‘I understand’.

Passive listening: - This is what I call hearing. You hear sounds and

respond, but do not comprehend.

Supportive listening: - this is where a listener is providing support (emotional) and encouragement. It provides

strength, approval and is being in favor of the

person.

Stress is inversely proportional to your listening ability. The higher your stress the worst will be your listening

We speak at an average of 100-150 words per minute where as we think at an average of 500-800 words per/minute

You can listen to silence also as silence is a means of communication

Silence can be divided into

Warm silence: - There is lot of warmth being felt and there is no need for words for communication. Everything is being understood. (people in love)

Cold silence:- This is a way of communicating anger/ hatred etc ( A girl staring at the boy friend who bought her very silly cheap valentines gift)

Neutral silence :- as existing between 2 strangers (two people traveling on a bus and not interested in each other)

Demanding silence :- here a person demands an explanation without communicating with words but expressing his/her thought the body language ( A wife who puts the plate in front of the husband who has come home late and stands there looking at him without saying a word… )

To be a good listener;

Ø Be yourself

Ø Talk as an equal. Just because you are listening to someone doesn’t make you a great person. Never think you are doing a favor to someone by listening to their woes

Ø Listen actively with attention. Express your interest through gestures, eye contact, body language and comforting words

Ø Show interest and empathy

Ø Smile (not if it is very inappropriate for the topic)

Ø Receive the feeling of the talker, not the problem. It is how a person feels towards anything that is more important

Ø Remove bias filters

Ø Rephrase your understanding

Ø Take special care if you disagree

Ø Do not assume what the caller is going to say

Ø Be patient . your impatience will make a person alert and warn him to be aware of you

Ø Carry silences. Be comfortable with silence

Points of bad listening

Calling the subject un-interesting. No subject is un-interesting. There are only people who are either interested or not interested in a subject

Criticism of the speakers delivery (better say I am not following you properly rather than you are not being clear)

Getting over stimulated (excited , aroused, influenced) by one point in the talk

Listening only for facts

Trying to outline everything

Faking attention. Remember ‘attention’ has to be genuine. It cannot be faked out

Tolerating or creating distractions. It is very difficult to stop and talk again especially when you are talking about emotional pain

Avoiding difficult matters

Letting emotion –laden words throw us out of tune

Wasting the differential between speech, speed and thought speed

Being under stress. Stress is universally proportional to listening quality

Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!

Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you can... it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…

Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!

Stop Child Abuse.. 

Child abuse is one of the meanest and most heinous crime taking place in our society. We often read in papers, about the sexual assault mercilessly being committed on children as young as 3 years or less. Thus when we talk about child abuse a picture of a dead, severely hurt or crying child comes to our mind. But, this is not always the case; since, more often the abuse is well hidden and carried out for years never to be discovered. We need to watch out for this worst kind of social evil which exists among us, wake up from being passive spectators, try to intervene and help whenever possible to eradicate this evil permanently from our society. We need  live in denial that such things do not happen in our cultural society. To bring about change, first awareness and then acceptance about child abuse is very important.

Why Children?

Child abuse takes place often since children are vulnerable. Again we can say that children are vulnerable due to three different  reasons.
1) Physically they are small and incapable of defending themselves
2) Psychologically they are ingrained that they should be good to elders and obey them. In addition they are made to follow the false belief that elders are always right.
3) They are gullible as they do not have knowledge about sex. They do not understand they are being abused at times. Moreover, if the Pedophile is cunning, he/she can mislead them to believe it is game, secret or sadly their own fault.

Change From Normal Behavior

In normal course an adult tries to protect the child, due to the inbuilt paternal and maternal instinct, which is important for survival of any speicies. But sometimes due to some psychological or emotional abnormality an adult may resort to abuse the child. Often it would be an easy outlet for their lust, anger, frustration or any other negativity rooted in them.

Different forms of child abuse
Abuse of children can be classified into 3 categories.
1) Verbal abuse
2) Physical abuse
3) Sexual abuse

Stop Child Verbal Abuse.... 

Verbal abuse: - The child is ridiculed and emotionally hurt by using words which are not to be said. Usually this abuse is carried on in the name of disciplining children. Every now and then we find a perfect target in a child to vent out our prejudices; frustration, anger, disappointments etc. In some cases it is carried on with actual bad intentions where a person may in fact hate the child for some reason. Verbal abuse can be done by anybody like mother, father, aunt, neighbor, teacher or any other person who is responsible for protecting the child.

The emotional impact of verbal abuse is quite strong and at times it leaves emotional trauma to the level of sexual abuse.

Physical abuse: - This is usually carried on by the people who believe in capital punishment (again in the name of discipline). Hitting the child, makes a person feel that they are in control of the situation and in position of authority. Often parents beat children because they feel it is a channel to vent out their frustrations. Some parents or teachers may not have skills that are required to handle a child with extra energy, inquisitive mind or a tinge of naughtiness. Their lack of knowledge and ability in handling the child will lead them to the easy way out by meeting out capital punishment. Physical abuse only gets momentary unwilling compliance from children. Constant physical abuse can push the child to become more stubborn and obstinate.Sexual Abuse : This is very dreaded word because verbal and physical abuse do not cause as much emotional trauma as sexual abuse.

·         According to survey 40-70%girls are victims of sexual abuse in India.
A large number of molesters are respected elders like uncles cousins etc.

Molesters can be in relationship like.
1) Male abuser to male child
2) Male abuser to female child
3) Female abuser to female child
4) Female abuser to male child

One of the most prominent misconceptions the society has is that it has to protect the girls as boys are often safe from being abused. When we usually doubt something could be amiss when a man shows interest in a girl child, we often tend to ignore it when the child concerned is male. It is important to note that men tend to abuse male child, scarring their psyche forever quite often.

Sexually Abusing a girl child scars
her for life 

Of all forms of abuse, the male abuser to female child incidents are highest and it leaves maximum emotional trauma. It leaves long term effect on the individuality of the child. She may grow up fearing men, hating touch, avoiding happiness and suffering from feeling of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Often they may feel they are sinners and indulge in self punishment.

In female abuser to male child, the child is always involved in some play and so doesn't realize he has been abused because there is no pain and no force involved with the act. He doesn't even know he is being exploited sexually due to unawareness about sexual exploitation. But when the realization comes, he may enter into the guilt feeling that he was too sex oriented because he enjoyed sex very early in life. That will make him conscious of his feeling of sex. Even normal tendencies may cause guilt that he is different from others.

The female abuser to female child again uses the same tricks where the child is fooled and does not realize what is actually happening. 

How to protect a child 

·         Communication: - Talk to the child about where she/he has been. Who they played with. How they played. Keep in mind that you should not to make the communication interrogative.

·         Teach vocabulary: - teach them how to say what they have to. Increase vocabulary as they grow up. Let them know that they have every right to refuse to do something they are uncomfortable with, even if it is their own parents telling them to do it.

·         Respect the child and let the child respect himself/herself.

·         Discuss potential abusers and abusive patterns. Teach them the difference between the right touch and the wrong touch and also that it is ok to feel uncomfortable and let the person know about it.

·         Be aware of movements. Keep track of as to where the child is spending his/her time. Who they were with, what they did etc

·         Build self esteem: - a child with low self esteem becomes a potential victim.

·         Remove loneliness. The lonely child is also more vulnerable.

·         Tell how to protect. Encourage to shout and scream when someone tried to harm her/him. You can conduct exercises teaching the children to shout. Assure them that they will be protected and not blamed for doing so.

Possible behavior pattern of abused child.

·                     Showing too much maturity for age

·                     Withdrawal from peer group, becoming a loner

·                     Lack of usual activities

·                     Using very adult like words

·                     Showing undue fear of places, situations, people etc

·                     Self punishment

·                     Guilt feeling

Every so often the abuser will be clever enough to instill the feeling of guilt and fear in the child. He/she may convince the child that they are also equally responsible for what happened. They were willing and happy because they never protested etc.

Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you can... it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…

The Bet!!!

Behind the smile... A scene from the backstage of the boxing ring.. LOL

I told her that she did not know whether the man was willing to marry the woman who had discussed the differences and problems that may arise out of this bond after marriage. May be he had seen my point and changed. I know if those were the days of mobile she would have picked it up for confirmation. We did not have telephones back then and the concerned person was in Byndoor, where as we were in Bangalore. I tried to quickly get out of the mess I had got into. I told mommy that may be he changed his mind and we should end the discussion there.

Mommy was never a person to let go of an opportunity. She knew I loved to study astrophysics and how much I loved watching stars. Once I got admission, there was no way she could lure me into marriage and if marriage would happen then it would not be with the one she had chosen. So this was her time and she held to it with whatever she had. She told me that she knew he would come in and confirm with her that he was still willing to marry me.

Me: When?

Mommy: Soon

Me: No I need a day.

Mommy: In a month

Me:That is too much of time Mommy. Be specific

Mommy: Ok. Three days. Do you agree now?

Me: I need a time too

Mommy: Ok. 11 a.m. Now you have got the odds favoring you tremendously. So if I win you need to agree to do what I say.

My mommy was an ordinary house wife and I swear she had no visionary powers. So I told her the promise will be held for its word until the third day and after that she has to let go of it. She agreed. I made her promise that no telegrams should be sent. ( it suddenly struck me that they would send some telegram with weird message of someone’s death etc). She agreed. I told her third day 11.00 am was the dead line. She agreed. If the husband supposed to be did not arrive by then and confirm his consent I would never be stopped from studying astrophysics ever. She agreed.

WHEW!!! I had got myself out the mess quickly enough. My mother had not heard from her chosen one for 3 months and there was no chance that he would suddenly land in when she wanted. So I went back to my books and started studying for the exams which were going on. I had done two of them and 4 remained. I forgot all about the bet.

The third day at 9.30 a.m.I remembered the bet and gave a knowing smile to my mother. My mother went about her everyday chores ignoring me. I reminded her that her opportunity to take advantage of my promise had gone to waste because of her big wish. She said she still had 90 minutes left. When a person travels from Byndoor to Bangalore, they reach there at around 7 a.m. in the morning and if late at 9 a.m. I reminded my mother of promise to allow me to study astrophysics and she said she never goes back on her word once she promises her children. I knew there had to be a catch somewhere but could not find anything amiss anywhere.

Lost in thought I did not see the clock hands move towards 11 a.m. I was sitting out in the verandah and studying, my mom was cooking and sister watching television when there was a knock on our door. I absent mindedly opened the door and was shocked as though I have seen a devil……….there stood the chosen one.

What? He asked

I did not say anything … silently walked into my room and looked up at the clock. It was showing less than 5 minutes to 11 a.m.

The Choosen ONE....

The picture reminds me of the boxers shaking hands before actual action starts.. LOL

From today I am starting few blog posts under the category .. Marriages are made in heaven. That is what my Mom told me. I will share some serious events, few funny events and jokes of my married life with you along with my big cultural shock within India which was greater than the one I had when I went to USA. Not everything was funny.. and when I look back on this important event I realize how different I was back then. This is going to be an open invitation for all of you to join the party.

Many say marriages are made in heaven….. some have added they are suffered on earth. I am not sure how the heavens are connected to this event but my Mom knew for sure. She knew right from the day I was 11 days old or so she said, that I should be marrying a certain boy who was running tiny errands for her then, when I grew up. She knew exactly he was the Mr. Right for me and we would be a successful pair. All the years I grew up she had visions, dreams, messages from supernatural etc telling her exactly this was right choice she had made. Not once did she waver from this decision
As for me, the boy she choose was not bad, liked him but knew we had a grand canyon of difference between us and could not believe that opposites attract and love each other.
I discussed this with the husband to be back then and he reported every word to my mother. I was supposed to learn something there but somehow it went right above my head. A court was held and my sister and Mother decided that I had gravely wronged the dear husband to be guy by telling him all the differences we had between us. I am still confused about this … but by then I had lost my brattiness that I had as a child and so listened to them. Actually I grew up thinking I have wronged my mother a lot, have been cause of her misery etc and decided I am going to make her happy. So as a teen I was not the brat I was as a kid and almost obeyed my mother on most of the things. Did my grandmother finally win the war?
My mother kept telling me that I would give her a massive heart attack someday when as a kid I kept throwing tantrums after tantrums. One day doctors said her heart was weak and she should avoid stress. I may have gone through the guilt of feeliing may be I have contributed a great deal to it and so changed into a good obedient daughter gradually after that. The change was slow so that it would not give my mommy a real massive heart attack.. which a sudden one was sure to give. One fine day I was hovering around my mother being very lovey dovey and I did something very stupid for no reason. I asked my mom lovingly what I can do to please her. She made me promise her first before placing her wish … give up your desire to study astrophysics and marry the person I choose for you. Now I was thinking on terms of cooking something she liked, or doing a tough errand etc and never thought of such a big deal. Oh no!!!! I tried to back off but tears and all the emotional black mailing started after that. Unknowingly I had triggered something that would change my whole life.

April 2010 - Youngistaan Ka WOW! Contest

Hi Friends,
I am trying my luck with the Pepsi IndiBlogger of the Month contest.
It is you who can make me win as the winner is going to be the one with highest number of comments. Please be generous.

Now the question
If you were the game master, what challenge would you like to throw to Ranbir?

Answer:
If I were the game master I would break the empty pepsi bottles and ask Ranbhir to do a Basanti of Sholay dance on it to reach his love……..
The song he has to sing would be a bit different though

Jab tak hai pyaas… main nachoonga…. (As long as I am thirsty I will dance)



Link for the original song…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfnMl40LeAo&feature=related