Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!

Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you can... it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…

Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!

Stop Child Abuse.. 

Child abuse is one of the meanest and most heinous crime taking place in our society. We often read in papers, about the sexual assault mercilessly being committed on children as young as 3 years or less. Thus when we talk about child abuse a picture of a dead, severely hurt or crying child comes to our mind. But, this is not always the case; since, more often the abuse is well hidden and carried out for years never to be discovered. We need to watch out for this worst kind of social evil which exists among us, wake up from being passive spectators, try to intervene and help whenever possible to eradicate this evil permanently from our society. We need  live in denial that such things do not happen in our cultural society. To bring about change, first awareness and then acceptance about child abuse is very important.

Why Children?

Child abuse takes place often since children are vulnerable. Again we can say that children are vulnerable due to three different  reasons.
1) Physically they are small and incapable of defending themselves
2) Psychologically they are ingrained that they should be good to elders and obey them. In addition they are made to follow the false belief that elders are always right.
3) They are gullible as they do not have knowledge about sex. They do not understand they are being abused at times. Moreover, if the Pedophile is cunning, he/she can mislead them to believe it is game, secret or sadly their own fault.

Change From Normal Behavior

In normal course an adult tries to protect the child, due to the inbuilt paternal and maternal instinct, which is important for survival of any speicies. But sometimes due to some psychological or emotional abnormality an adult may resort to abuse the child. Often it would be an easy outlet for their lust, anger, frustration or any other negativity rooted in them.

Different forms of child abuse
Abuse of children can be classified into 3 categories.
1) Verbal abuse
2) Physical abuse
3) Sexual abuse

Stop Child Verbal Abuse.... 
Verbal abuse: - The child is ridiculed and emotionally hurt by using words which are not to be said. Usually this abuse is carried on in the name of disciplining children. Every now and then we find a perfect target in a child to vent out our prejudices; frustration, anger, disappointments etc. In some cases it is carried on with actual bad intentions where a person may in fact hate the child for some reason. Verbal abuse can be done by anybody like mother, father, aunt, neighbor, teacher or any other person who is responsible for protecting the child.

The emotional impact of verbal abuse is quite strong and at times it leaves emotional trauma to the level of sexual abuse.

Physical abuse: - This is usually carried on by the people who believe in capital punishment (again in the name of discipline). Hitting the child, makes a person feel that they are in control of the situation and in position of authority. Often parents beat children because they feel it is a channel to vent out their frustrations. Some parents or teachers may not have skills that are required to handle a child with extra energy, inquisitive mind or a tinge of naughtiness. Their lack of knowledge and ability in handling the child will lead them to the easy way out by meeting out capital punishment. Physical abuse only gets momentary unwilling compliance from children. Constant physical abuse can push the child to become more stubborn and obstinate.Sexual Abuse : This is very dreaded word because verbal and physical abuse do not cause as much emotional trauma as sexual abuse.

·         According to survey 40-70%girls are victims of sexual abuse in India.
A large number of molesters are respected elders like uncles cousins etc.

Molesters can be in relationship like.
1) Male abuser to male child
2) Male abuser to female child
3) Female abuser to female child
4) Female abuser to male child

One of the most prominent misconceptions the society has is that it has to protect the girls as boys are often safe from being abused. When we usually doubt something could be amiss when a man shows interest in a girl child, we often tend to ignore it when the child concerned is male. It is important to note that men tend to abuse male child, scarring their psyche forever quite often.
Sexually Abusing a girl child scars
her for life 

Of all forms of abuse, the male abuser to female child incidents are highest and it leaves maximum emotional trauma. It leaves long term effect on the individuality of the child. She may grow up fearing men, hating touch, avoiding happiness and suffering from feeling of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Often they may feel they are sinners and indulge in self punishment.

In female abuser to male child, the child is always involved in some play and so doesn't realize he has been abused because there is no pain and no force involved with the act. He doesn't even know he is being exploited sexually due to unawareness about sexual exploitation. But when the realization comes, he may enter into the guilt feeling that he was too sex oriented because he enjoyed sex very early in life. That will make him conscious of his feeling of sex. Even normal tendencies may cause guilt that he is different from others.
The female abuser to female child again uses the same tricks where the child is fooled and does not realize what is actually happening. 

How to protect a child 

·         Communication: - Talk to the child about where she/he has been. Who they played with. How they played. Keep in mind that you should not to make the communication interrogative.
·         Teach vocabulary: - teach them how to say what they have to. Increase vocabulary as they grow up. Let them know that they have every right to refuse to do something they are uncomfortable with, even if it is their own parents telling them to do it.
·         Respect the child and let the child respect himself/herself.
·         Discuss potential abusers and abusive patterns. Teach them the difference between the right touch and the wrong touch and also that it is ok to feel uncomfortable and let the person know about it.
·         Be aware of movements. Keep track of as to where the child is spending his/her time. Who they were with, what they did etc
·         Build self esteem: - a child with low self esteem becomes a potential victim.
·         Remove loneliness. The lonely child is also more vulnerable.
·         Tell how to protect. Encourage to shout and scream when someone tried to harm her/him. You can conduct exercises teaching the children to shout. Assure them that they will be protected and not blamed for doing so.

Possible behavior pattern of abused child.
·                     Showing too much maturity for age
·                     Withdrawal from peer group, becoming a loner
·                     Lack of usual activities
·                     Using very adult like words
·                     Showing undue fear of places, situations, people etc
·                     Self punishment
·                     Guilt feeling

Every so often the abuser will be clever enough to instill the feeling of guilt and fear in the child. He/she may convince the child that they are also equally responsible for what happened. They were willing and happy because they never protested etc.

Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you can... it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…


  1. Thanks, Farila for this post!
    Something has to be done to stop this cruelty sometime!
    I am very angry while I'm writing this.
    All of the abuses you referred to are of equal importance!
    Wishing you a great day!
    B xx

  2. a nice topic put forward and you have written it very well!

  3. Great post Farila...a very serious topic and you have written about it very well.

  4. Great post, Farila! It really makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors.
    These are the children who grow up knowing nothing better, so we get second and third generations of people not knowing any better. This is the trouble with todays youth...just take a look at their parents!
    Big hugs, my dear friend!

    Hey, Bob is back blogging, just incase you didn't know.

  5. Since you are working in the field of education you are capable of creating an awareness..

    I believe the disfiguration of chracters begin right from the schools... OUr schools are capable of churning out only indivduals single mindedly focussed to mint money

  6. Good post for discussion. Verbal abuse is a tough area, a grey area that authority systems don't know how to address.

    Not all situations are clear cut black and white and in a society that attempts to keep the family together, abuse seems to measured by the physical impact and very little thought is given to the psychological and mental impact.


  7. It makes me feel very good to see good moms like you are so much concerned about this issue... I appreciate your attempts to create awareness by writing on such grave topics... Child abuse is an issue people do not talk about much... It might have happened to many of us... but it is neglected in the pretext of a faint, unplesant memory... It is hight time to talk and create awareness about this issue...

    I had attempted a 55 fiction on this topic some days back...

  8. Child abuse can indeed be quite traumatizing, and in the long term, can lead to serious issues in the mind of the child.
    I suppose a lot of children in India, end up victimised or traumatized in one way or the other. Either in the form of parental pressure to perform, or verbal abuse of sorts.
    This in turn leads to severe personality disorders, and as a consequence the child fails to function normally in society.

  9. My son travels 8 months a year with cricket teams and thus I have made him aware where on his body he is not to be touched by anybody. Once, when in a hotel corridor he was invited into a room by a man to watch a match on TV, he ran out in a hurry because he remembered what I had told him. Safe and not sorry. I did chat with him about all this till he turned 13...after that the "I know everything kicks off"...these boys no longer listen!!...but he remembered what I had told him when he was 8 years old.
    Very useful info...more so now due to the type of exposure a child gets...a child is inquisitive...if you don't talk, he will find other means to answers.

  10. Good concise post. A subject that needs to be addressed more all over the world. Sad situation that with all there is going on in the world that this is also a problem that no one wants to address.

  11. Hey I tagged u check out

  12. This is such a serious and sensitive issue and you have presented it very well. Thanks for the post.

    BTW I have voted for your "Youngistan Ka Wow" post. That's a good challenge too. Well done!

  13. Such issues should be taken more in number. Chanz also took one such issue which moved my heart and now u mam..:)
    Its so gud to see such kind of work.
    I will soon be taking up such issues under my new blog Praani..:)



  14. This is a serious topic. I am glad I read it. Child Abuse as you said is still hidden in many places. I hope it all comes to light one day and children start learning to defend themselves from such predators.
    Very well written.

    Have a wonderful day Farida...:)

  15. I am familiar with all the signs of abuse and I watch Mia very carefully.I wish every child had somebody watching out for them.

  16. Very well written...You should post your article here on this blog as its all about child and their education

    You should send in the articles at and submit your blog entry

  17. Thanks for this very beautiful article. My wife and I have been in education since years and this article is so well written in very simple words that it needs applauding.
    Almost all points are covered in it and there is so much out there, yet this is excellent.

  18. Very nicely written...Good education to the parents..Keep blogging

  19. happy to see a more aware mom and who carries her awareness around the globe....good work madam....:)

  20. Awesome blog, absolutely awesome... I am a child abuse SURVIVOR (sexually, mentally, emotionally, and physically). I spent 17 years of my life in absolute terror and realize that no child should ever be in that much pain. Today I fight against child abuse and have successfully broken the cycle with a very bright, beautiful, and happy 5 year old son. I am currently in college trying to become a LCSW to help other abuse survivor. Thank you all a lot.

  21. a great post and very educative.....ignorance is never a bliss at all times!

    Keep writing.....

  22. Wonderful post! And great that you're raising awareness on such an important issue.

  23. Hi Farila,

    Your Blog is awesome, you people inspire me to write more

  24. Thanks for sharing some profound knowledge out here. Its really sad that a kid is being abused in today's society. We should spread this awareness and stand against Child Abuse. Really loved this article, its nice but a bit depressing as well.

  25. This is so true..I read in a malayalam news paper that children are often targetted for sexual abuse, the reason being that they will obey easily,and they easily fall in the trap -
    Being a victim myself, I know how badly it affects the small minds emotionally and recovery is not that easy. Masha Allah!!I got help..But It is sad that children are being USED so badly..Thanks for sharing how to help them get out of it.

  26. Thank you for this!
    I am glad you brought this out

  27. So well written Farila ji!! I could understand the intensity with which you wrote.And yea,,kids today are really in dire conditions!We 've gotta help. That video really is an eye opener!!

  28. Such an important post...glad you have written and highlighted it! Thank you!

  29. this issue should b considerd as a serious one... child labour and sexual harassment is increasing day by day... dont knw were r v going....

    i hv written an article on jagran junction.. hope u will visit

  30. I don't have kids yet, but everything going on around me in the big bad world scares me - it's a tough world for the kids - has it always been this way or am I only noticing this in the last few years because I am reading and following the news more :( Very valid reminders Farida.


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