Monday, November 5, 2018

The Best Picture of My Life

I wanted to have children and play with them even when I was a little girl myself. No wonder when I had children of my own, I loved painting, walking and playing with them until cancer happened. The shock of being diagnosed of Breast Cancer, Stage III at the age of 29, took some fun out of me. Chemotherapy, surgery, picking up broken pieces of life, dealing with relationships, managing finances and other challenges that come with cancer took its toll and I was not the same person I used to be. Somehow the fun activities were pushed into background, despite the fact that I was always there as a caretaker for my kids. Though not a big deal, coping with total hair loss was tough on me and so was losing the symmetry of my body. 
One day my son, who was sitting alone and creating some painting on his own asked me, "Maa, is our lives changed forever? Can we never paint together again?” That was the day I snapped out of my self-pitying role and climbed out of the pit. Nothing was going to stop me from having fun and living my life, especially I was determined not to allow Cancer to steal the love and enjoyment I could share with my children.
It was time again for long walks, games, carom, book reading, and off course painting.
This picture is my favorite photograph because it was captured unknown to us, when we were drowned creating our masterpiece and were totally unaware of the world around us. This still inspires me to snap out of tough times, as I had done earlier. It tells me that happiness lies in small things we enjoy with our family. Since then I have never allowed anything to stop me from having fun and enjoying life to the fullest. It gives me hope and tells me the battle we fight in our lives are really worth it. 

Monday, August 20, 2018

Wish You A Great Year Ahead

Happy birthday Rayyan. 

Rayyan, my wonder boy turns a new leaf in his life today. He is celebrating his 27th birthday by joining BYJU'S, a wise career choice he made keeping in mind how he can be useful to society. He completed his project with his previous company, where he loved working. I am so happy that I have lived to see him grow into a wonderful human being. As I reflect back on the years he has been with me I feel so overwhelmed by his character. He could set a Guinness record for behavior. Never has he fought with anyone, never landed a blow on a single person or animal, not once has he fought with me, never pestered me for anything he needs (he always would let me know what he needs and then will wait until I can get it for him or else we talk and then he will realize I cannot afford it and lets it go at that). Today when he is earning and is financially independent, things haven't changed much  The ‘never’ here is not a general once in while never. It is zero actually a zero score. Am I lucky? You tell me. A young man who will never be awed by someone others will consider big nor will pretend big to someone who others consider small. A sense of equality Rayyan possesses makes me feel guilty. He has changed me a lot in the past 26 years. My daughter has been the reason why I fought cancer fiercely but Rayyan is the person in my life who helped me fight cancer. Even as a young child he would be there to comfort and encourage me. The worst emotional trauma for him was to watch me go bald very soon after I lost my sister. It was too much for a 5 year old to feel he may lose his Mom like he lost his aunt. It was very scary. He was very close to my sister and he loved her very much. He never let me feel hurt though by asking questions or making fuss about how he felt. He suffered silently and I was worried about him. No other child could have dealt with his father the way he does. He is understanding , patient and comforting to him. He is smart enough not to argue with his father like he does with me, my friends and his friends. LOL. He knows which tree bears the fruit. He has a talent for coming up with some wonderful quotes at times which makes sense perfectly for the situation which has me rolling in laughter. I think he is compensation for all the rest of the shit I have in my life. Thank you Rayyan for being such a wonderful son any mother would be proud of. Never once have I regretted having you as a son nor once have I been frustrated. I may never have dared to ask for such a wonderful son ever. Thank you God for considering me worthy enough to have Rayyan in my life. I may have given him birth, but he has given me my life back  He makes such a huge difference to me…………… Happy birthday dear boy.. or should we say man? May you have many more. Love you.


Monday, July 16, 2018

The Smile Farmer Speaks ....

Life has not been easy or smooth for me. Born with a disability which I completely ignored, diagnosed with 3rd stage breast cancer, unsettling marriage, a special needs child and many other spices made my life challenging.
But with guidance from Rayyan, my son and wisdom that came with life experience, I made some right choices in later part of life and settled down. Good job, financially secure and a bit bored. In January 2017, I put aside some money for my trip once again to USA to meet my sisters in survival. This is when I came across a place which was barely suitable for starting a preschool and day-care center. I had to make a choice. Go ahead and meet my sisters in survivals after a decade of our first meeting or start with my dream project.

How it looks now...

After discussing with few people who matter, especially my friends from USA the ladybirds, it was decided I start a school first and then can plan my trip when things settle down here. Another motivation was my daughter Farheena. When talking to me, one fine day she said, 'You people'. Initially I assumed funnily she was referring to grown ups or something like that. It took me sometime to realize that she has decided that she is not one of us. When she says "we people" it is the people in her vocational center with challenge. What can be more hurtful to a mom? How can we change this? Only a inclusive society can make a person with challenge feel no different anyone without extra challenge.

Once I started the project, the old place just started sucking in all my funds. The drains were blocked, most of the things around looked rusted, the floor was rough on the skin, hygiene factor was very low and many more things needed to be settled. Blinded by my dream, I had overlooked a lot of things and also until I moved in some of the problems remained just hidden.
How it looks now.
No matter how much I did, something remained as a pending task needing immediate attention. Not just all my funds which I had kept aside for my tour of USA was sucked in, but also some of Rayyan’s funds which he was setting aside for his wedding. Yet the place did not look good enough for a day-care and preschool. So finally I gave in and looked out for someone who would join hands with me in my venture.

One of my friends, pooled in some money and joined me.  Finally my center, Giggle Garden opened on 15th June. On the first day, 5 parents who had known about the opening of our center walked in for admission. One of them was with a child with Down’s syndrome. 3 parent’s objected to her admission, with just one parent not objecting to it. This was a tough call for me to make, but I did the right thing ethically though it may not be right financially for My Giggle Garden. Today, a year later when the child is making eye contact, greeting me, having food on her own, is playing pretend games and identifying colors with tremendous improvement in her speech, I know I did the right thing. Anyway, being a mom of special needs child, I really did not have an option there. Also the whole project was based to erase the communication of 'You people and we people'. Today, if feel so grateful to the parents that even when her father was transferred, her mother stayed back alone only for her daughter to be in our school even though it was difficult for her with lack of Kannada knowledge.
2 more students joined us and we had another for day-care. I kept working at my job to fund the center and it kept chugging away.  The first major issue that came ahead me was when my friend announced she could not continue due to health issues. She had to back off and I had to return her funds as soon as possible. She had trusted me and invested in the school without any proof or written document. I could
not hold on her payment for long and had to pay her back. Thankfully Rayyan stepped in and helped me return her investment and also make some more improvements in Giggle Garden. He also helped me buy few more required materials and improve the center.
Giggle Garden moved smoothly until another hurdle was thrown my way. I had taken the whole premises with two floors. The school and day-care was on the ground floor and we stayed on the first floor. Due to unavoidable circumstances and marriage in the owner’s family I had to give up my home on the top floor. I had not checked and verified the document properly which was a mistake. No place to go, my family had to shift into an adjacent room to the school temporarily, until we found a place where Farheena could walk into easily. By then I had a sprain and tore my tendons. Not knowing how bad I injured my foot, I walked on it making things worse. I ended up with a foot support and walker. My two employees were on leave for a month. All took its toll on this year's admission. Adding to it, once people with funds and place nearby saw how preschool have good business, competition came up in form of three new schools in our vicinity.
People were skeptical with my choice of having special needs children working on Montessori materials along with regular children. They doubted that I would ever walk and be active with children. I saw the fear of seeing a person with walker in people very clearly. They were doubtful about the safety with my family's presence in the school and there I was with them. I am not in favor of that either.  CCTV is of no use to chase the fear in parents about their loving one's safety. Rayyan stepped in again and we could shift to a flat next door to our school.
Adding to my challenges were parents who would not discuss their plans clearly. I made plans for students investing in manpower and things required, but some of them were in vain. I was making decisions emotionally rather than rationally which was required to make my business successful. Clearly I saw that I was failing as entrepreneur and businesswoman though I was very successful as a teacher. My
students have excellent communication, social, play and academic skills. A two year old is able to lead us in her prayer. Our child who did not utter a word is able to recite rhymes and stories in 8 months’ time in giggle garden. Gigglers are doing great.
I was having tough time without my regular job which I had to give up due to workload, sustaining a new business, paying rent, paying salaries and taking care of things required. I could not ask Rayyan for more
because he was running out of resources as well and I went through terrible guilt. I had no right killing his dreams to pursue mine.
I was regretting few decisions I made, but some though not profitable, I still stand by them. My center will always be open to all students no matter what. Only, hygiene and cleanliness will be a factor that will be decisive. This makes it neither a profitable business nor an NGO or charitable institution. But yet, I have faith that it will work out for me.
But no more falling for temporary admissions, temporary waving of fees, no more temporary day-care facility for those who can afford but take advantage of my trust. Rules will be strictly followed both for school and day-care.

Gigglers are learning and I am the foremost of the Giggler to learn my lesson. It has been stressful for me managing last three months, especially with the excruciating pain in my foot which was debilitating. I was
feeling like a loser though I did not want to show it out. I was wondering whether I made a right decision.  I could not make proper plans nor could I take up proper promotions of Giggle Garden. This is the first time I have crippled both mentally, emotionally and physically by pain. Did I really need this when I was at the peak of my career earning handsomely from the comfort of my home? I am not sure. But we have a
purpose in our lives and I think my purpose of life is somewhere this project.
I started looking out for ways to make this work out and found that a cancer survivor has more challenges in procuring loans and help. Partnership did not work out because they wanted the special children out of
center. Most of them were clearly seeing only $$$$$.  I want our future generation to be different from what I see today. I want people to understand that just because some people have special needs does not make them dangerous or outcasts. So, I stood by my decision. My children have responded beautifully to my own daughter as well as to other's whose needs are a bit special.
Kathleen, my friend, had once mentioned fundraiser for My Giggle Garden which I had not taken up back then. Asking for help has never been easy for me. After a lot of discussion with ladies I trust, I made one of toughest decision of my life and went for a fundraiser to make Giggle Garden a better place. I have to make this better and working or back off which means I lose all and have to start from scratch.  It also means letting down people (especially Rayyan) who have stood by me so far. Nothing in the world would allow me to shut door on the children for whom other doors were shut already. 
Impactguru stepped in and allowed me to raise a fundraiser on their site. I am touched by the gesture of my cancer survivor sisters from across the globe who got it going though they do not have much to spare. This shows the trust they have in my concept and project. This just made Giggle Garden my third child who I will take care of until I am there for Farheena and Rayyan.
Someday, I may build a place of my dream for children where they will enjoy learning. I am settling down as a Smile Farmer and I am going to nourish and nurture My Giggle Garden and grow smiles here.

Monday, July 9, 2018

I Have A Dream..............

 I have a dream. I have held on it throughout my life. I am sure that someday smiles will grow in my Giggle Garden and it will be filled with little Gigglers happily enjoying their time as they learn. I will be Smile Farmer.

My dream job in my childhood, like every child, was to be a teacher. Though for many children, the dream fades away as they come across different lucrative careers, for me the dream became stronger and stronger with each passing year.

When I was in 5th Std, I started coaching my classmates in Math and Science. That was the beginning. Then I started helping my brother with coaching for his exams. Few other children joined. I don't even remember how and when I became a tuition teacher for children in different grades.

Teaching has been a part of my life for a long time now. Being a counselor, I have heard complaints from students regarding the work burden they have in school. My coaching has never been dull or boring for my students and I have always received excellent feedback. This encouraged me to dream big of running a pre-school of my own.

My dream slowly turned into reality when I came across an affordable place which could be converted into a school. Many tell me, it is only me who could envision a school in this place. May be they are right. I did and I went about my job of making "My Giggle Garden" come alive.

I envisioned this space as a Big Sand Pit....



Image may contain: one or more people, people sitting, child and indoor

I saw this room and envisioned as my office room


This plain hall as my heart of Montessori working place



As I took up the mission of starting my school in a place which was used as go-down and factory earlier, the task became overwhelming for me. The drainage was blocked due to wastage dump and rats making it their tunnel. Sometimes my heart would sink and I wanted to give up, but then there was a strong urge in me to make it happen. This was chance to live my dream. Either it would happen now or never. Being caught in the work and taking care of my family, I may never dream having my own Giggle Garden where I could grow smiles. I persevered and toiled for 3 months and then finally I was ready to invite parents for admission. Slowly admissions started trickling in. 

We enjoyed some very good parties celebrating birthdays, functions, festivals and special occasions with our children. I am not sure who enjoyed more, me or the children. 

Image may contain: 2 people, including Farida Rizwan, people smiling, people sitting and people eating


The best part of My Giggle Garden is that no smile is stolen. Every child, even those with special needs who can fit into the Montessori program will be given a chance.

I will hold on to my principle of giving respect to the child and involving them in discussion and decision making. Their emotional need will never be ignored.

Running a business out of blue is not easy and I have my shares of struggles. There are times when I wonder, did I do the right thing, then someone gives me a smile or a hug and I know "I did what I am meant to do".

Someday, I plan to have a huge garden growing giggles and smiles. My plan for the building is ready. My curriculum is ready. All I need is a place and fund to make my dream come true. One dream has come true.  With time may be the other will come true as well.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Wish You Happy Birthday My Inspirational Daughter

When Farheena entered my life on 11th May 1995, my joy knew no bounds. Farheena has ensured that I continue to enjoy her company even to this day. She inspires with her uncomplicated thinking and way of looking at things without being prejudiced or judgmental. Having a daughter born after a son completed me as a mother.

I love the way Farheena greets the day with her unique sentence, "Tomorrow has happened!" There are many things that only Farheena can say or do, especially the unconditional and limitless love she shares with people around her. 
With her medals and certificate
Though life began with loads of challenges for Farheena, there is nothing that can stop her from being happy. Today, Farheena does not talk fluently, but she does communicate in her own way and style. She can see clearly. She walks with little help. Farheena manages her own life and keeps in touch with friends of her choice through internet. Facebook and recently WhatsApp are her favorites. 

When Rayyan got married last November, she couldn't be part of all the fun, due to mobility challenge but once home, she organized games for Madiha and all of us and enjoyed to the fullest. She also got pictures of Madiha in different poses on the flower decorated bed. 
She embraced her sister-in-law with all love and Madiha did the same. I love the picture of them below. Madiha and Farheena have a special bond unlike any I have seen.

With limited words she can pronounce or spell, she uses her creativity to convey messages to us. Her lack of complete vocabulary has not stopped her from communicating with people. She keeps trying until she is understood.  

Sharing her friend's secret with her baby doll Annie

2015 marked a new Era of my life because this was the year when Farheena walked in with her first Salary she received for making paper bags in YST which is now Fame Swalambhana. She is involved in lot more activities now.

That was the biggest goal of my life achieved. People who do not understand the whole concept often ask me, “How much does she earn?” That is not important. What makes it important for me as a mother is to know that she is now capable of being engaged in fruitful and purposeful work throughout the day. Apart from her job at Fame Swalambhana , Farheena is busy on limeroad creating her scrapbook with styles of her choice. She has given me a few fashion tips and tries to correct me when she feels I am wearing inappropriate clothes for an occasion. With lockdown shutting of her vocational center, she started her online shopping for friends, helping them find what they need and selling few products. She loves earning in her own simple way. She doesn't surrender to being completely dependent. 

My inspiration in 2021 or any yearis my special daughter Farheena who has not allowed anyone to take her for granted. She knows how to protect herself and when to ask for help if someone is bothering her. She carries herself with dignity of a queen and is proud of her achievements. She has the ability to make people feel like somebody special. Moreover, unlike many people I know, she loves and respects herself.
She showed the effect of society on special people which inspired me to start an inclusive preschool - My Giggle Garden. Even though we are now closed due to Covid19 Pandemic, she has ignited a passion in me to make our society more inclusive for special people like her. 
15 years ago, I was consulting a lawyer regarding my legal rights. During the course of discussion, I mentioned that I am proud of my daughter. The lawyer then retorted saying, “Stop lying to yourself Farida. Come out of the delusion you are living in. No one can be proud of a special needs child. You can accept and love her but cannot be proud of her”. I was confused back then and walked away without answering her. I knew I felt pride in my heart when I think of my daughter but I was not sure. 
Today, I can very confidently say that I am very proud of my daughter. She has taught me a very important lesson in my life that – it is not what you get in your life that matters, but what you do with what you have which makes the difference. I know she will continue to inspire me in the coming years as well.
I am very happy to share the story of my hope and happiness to people who may feel overwhelmed by the challenges in their lives. Hang-on and fight with all your might! You will succeed.

The pretty Baby

Loves to dress up

Determined to get on her feet after triple
fusion surgery on ankles

Making her style statement

One of those rare days when she cleans
our home


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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