Friday, October 30, 2009

Big power crisis in my village

We are most of the time without power and I am going through withdrawals of internet etc... If addicted it can be quite bad. Hopefully I am back on internet again today.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Self Help – The only help that works

All were with me sharing my joy
And most of time I was so happy
Suddenly I fell in a pool of sorrow
For I slipped walking carelessly

Those who I considered my people
Laughed away at my pitiful plight
When I was suffering in the dark
They teased me instead of giving some light

There was no one to help me out
I was left to suffer all alone
All lights around me slowly faded
All I could do was sit there and mourn

Again and again I kept calling for help
But I had lost all those trusted friends
Suddenly I realized ‘I’ could help myself
With self help all the darkness ends

I steeled up and grew to be strong
And helped myself out of the plight
Said the glow worm to me smiling
Burn your butt if you need light…

By: Farida Rizwan

Friday, October 16, 2009

People still touch my heart....

I know this is not fair. What I am going to write now is not what I should be doing, and I am not helping anyone in any way. But something tells me I should go ahead and do it and that 'something' has power over me to get me into a lot of trouble.
I thought until very recently that I am walled up and nothing touches me. Emotionally I am very strong. Events and happenings around me or be it far off will never affect me strongly anymore.
I did not decide upon it just like that… it has its own history. First it was being a second girl child to a family who were looking forward to a boy-add to that a girl born with a club foot. Rural India is not a best of place for disabled girl kids. Growing up being a rebellion with religion, traditions etc and fighting for what I believed I wanted for myself. Succumbing to my Moms wishes and giving away my dream of working as research scientist in Astrophysics. Losing my dear young (32yrs) sister to Breast cancer, knowing that my lovely daughter has special needs and dealing with the scare of not being there for her, because I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer myself. Much more has happened and my post would be a long whine if I got to tell it out loud..
So, I live listening to people complaining about their problems and giving them comfort, or at times just being there for them. As a counselor I come across various problems people are going through and most of the time they sound as if they are the ones going through worst. At times I come across serious problems like a mother being worried about her intellectually challenged son who is 33 yrs old and she cannot take care of him anymore. Upon that she is poor and cannot even feed him enough. The place she is living has no facility for him where she can send him to. Then there are simple problems like -->' may be my bf does not like me because he has not called me in 3 days or what could be the reason that I have missed my period for a week this month' types.
I have been touched by people but not too deeply to be sucked into it. I have moved on and that is what led me to believe I am securely walled up against emotions….
Last week I was having fun with blogs and internet. Like usual I visited Alice to have some fun because I love her poems and scary blogs. They make me smile and feel so good…. I feel like a girl running about having fun while reading her blogs. But last week Alice had something else to share with her blog friends. Something about the letter to her husband hit me very hard. It not only brought tears but some kind of pain as though I am feeling a part of what she is going through. It was quite terrible to know that a 26 yr old young woman waves goodbye to her husband not knowing he is not going to come back and take care of her anymore. What a terrible blow it should be to hear those words? The thoughts haunt me and to think the person who has been through so much has made me smile everyday.
I have learned my lesson today from this young blogger. It is a well learned lesson. Thank you Alice for being what you are. You are so much fun and make a difference in my life. I am glad to have met you. I will pray for you to find peace everyday.
I realize painfully that as a human being I can never be walled up to the pains of others. I will feel them forever. Just because I have been through bad times will never make me justify other people having to suffer.. and today though I am pained I thank God for that feeling of pain because I feel again like I have a heart beating in me… not just a iced stone lying there quietly.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

In Love ....... to be cont....

So no one made fun of me.. and you have been generous. I had been silly in love and wrote down a lot of them which I am sharing with you all now.

When I see the lovely face of yours
I wish to gaze at it for years and years
But your eyes have such a bright glow
Unable to bear them down my eyelids flow

You stole my heart with a single glance
The very sight of you makes my heart dance
With me, anyhow my heart wouldn’t be safe
But I am assured now you will never let it escape
I am glad that I lost my heart to you
For now it is safe all my life through.

You can never love anyone
But just fall in love with someone
And take a lot of time to realize
You can never give your heart to anyone
But it will be cleverly picked by someone
To give you a very big surprise

Time is a great healer. It heals all
But failure stares at everyone’s face
Time fails at times to heal when
An injury of insult leaves it trace

What you gave me for loving you
Comes to me as a big surprise
Untold sorrows, misery and disappointment
Yet I will accept your booby prize

Love should not be worn out
And exhibited like a jewel
It should be hidden in your heart
Like a treasure hidden in a well

By: Farida Rizwan

Monday, October 12, 2009

Friday, October 9, 2009

In Love ...

Long ago when I was young I used to write short stanza's using Idioms ... I have categorized them as In love and Out of Love Hope you will enjoy reading them and also welcome to make fun of me... I don't take pride in them. LOL

If you wish so my dear
You will have the ball at your feet
I am so truly in love with you
That I don’t mind having the back seat.

I made a mistake and lost you
But suddenly one fine day beside me, I had you
God bless me!! Now I realize
How one feels when strike by a bolt from blue

You can come when and as you wish
I will wait for you all life through
In case I run out of my life span
I assure you my bones will wait for you

I search for love in your heart
As I feel I will find it someday
But now whenever I look in a mirror
I see a fool searching for a needle in hay

Though you are unfaithful
My decision you cannot thwart
Here, from now on
I proclaim you the king of my heart

I love you more than anyone can love anyone
More than a bee loves it honey filled hive
Now don’t think self praise is donkey praise
I am sure; I am the greatest lover alive

I saw from the book of fate
With you to play was the draw
O.K I don’t mind playing with you
For I feel you are no man of straw

By: Farida Rizwan

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

My visit to USA to meet sisters of Heart...

It is month of October. A month of breast cancer awareness...
I may have mentioned this earlier. I am a breast cancer survivor. In couse of life I had met a lot of wonderful women who had been though this ordeal. They were all brave ladies who had fought and lived to survive cancer. There are women there who have fought it off more than once. I have developed wonderful relationship with them. As someone mentioned -- "We are not sisters of blood but sisters of heart". No one who has not been a part of this group will ever understand what they mean to me. As for emotional support no one can ever equal them because we have walked the same path, stumbled on the same stones, been pricked by the same thorns.
This was the sari Party the American sisters had in honor of their Indian friends... You can see my daughter in white and dark red sari. Both my kids are part of this family and well accepted by everyone. I will be sharing more of my experience later on with you friends. I am not sure whether I should have a seperate blog to share my BC experience. Any suggestions.

Monday, October 5, 2009

A new journey begins.............

Isn't truth sometimes difficult to be accepted? I have lived in a land of denial for quite some time. At times, I have tried to forget things which do not make me happy.

 I was a freak child for sure. I did not realize it until one fine day it occurred to me; that my reading newspapers when I was in II std was not normal. Also when I was in my III std, I used to help my dad do his accounts. He was in charge of the purchases for Joy Ice Creams Pvt. Ltd. Whitefield. When he was too tired to tally the account, I would do it for him. Everyone around me would say I am very studious and smart girl. But now, I know I was a freak. ;) 
That part of freakiness is something positive, unfortunately I was a freak in negative terms too. I usually try to run away or hide from the truth of my childhood. I want to be the innocent, quite, behaved and loved child who is admired and praised by everyone around her. Not the fierce, rebellious and naughty girl. As the result of the hiding, truth keeps hitting me on the face most of the time and also the memories are refreshed time and again. 
One fine day I decided I am going to deal with reality and also accept the truth. I am going to accept myself with all the naughtiness of my childhood. It is not a big sin to be a naughty, troublesome girl. If that was me, all right. If people around me suffered, may be they earned it in a hard way. The decision was wise because life has been much easier after that.
My life has had big turmoil like Cancer, Special needs child, losing family and friends to cancer and other major issues, but it is the trivial matters which should not have made an impact on my life at all, that has made a difference to me. Like an argument I had with my grandma 35 years ago still lingers in my mind. I felt sad and very much hurt when she said, I had been responsible for my Mom's suffering. I was born with a club foot. That is not a big deal. 

I think it is time to clean the closets and push out everything, so that I can take a breath of fresh air. My journey began in 2006 when I started to think about my past, beginning from my childhood, looking at the events from my experienced wisdom now and accepting what I was back then. Even though most of you have a lot of cultural differences with me, I am glad that I have been accepted and appreciated by you people and it means a lot to me. I hope your support will continue as I will discover myself and deal with what I find out about myself.  

Friday, October 2, 2009

Dedicated to the father of our nation.. Mahatma Gandhi

Today is Gandhi Jayanthi. He was a great leader and a lawyer who did not lie. As a practitioner of ahimsa, he swore to speak the truth and advocated that others do the same. Gandhi lived modestly in a self-sufficient residential community and wore th...e traditional Indian dhoti and shawl, woven with yarn he had hand spun on a charkha.He ate simple vegetarian food, and also undertook long fasts as a means of both self-purification and social protest.
Gandhi first employed non-violent civil disobedience while an expatriate lawyer in South Africa, during the resident Indian community's struggle for civil rights. After his return to India in 1915, he organized protests by peasants, farmers, and urban labourers concerning excessive land-tax and discrimination. After assuming leadership of the Indian National Congress in 1921, Gandhi led nationwide campaigns to ease poverty, expand women's rights, build religious and ethnic amity, end untouchability, and increase economic self-reliance. Above all, he aimed to achieve Swaraj or the independence of India from foreign domination. Gandhi famously led his followers in the Non-cooperation movement that protested the British-imposed salt tax with the 400 km (249 mi) Dandi Salt March in 1930. Later he campaigned against the British to Quit India. Gandhi spent a number of years in jail in both South Africa and India.
The biggest tragedy of India is everyone respects Gandhi and no one follows his ideals....


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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