Being OK With My Grumpy Daughter Successfully

Three years ago, few of us bloggers from Bangalore had met Bhavana Shankar Rao who had come down from Czechoslovakia to Bangalore. If I try to think back about our meeting on that day, all I can recall is how one of the person I did not even know before the meet, Kiran (Bhavana's better half) mingled with us with comfort. I had asked him during our course of discussion, what is it that interests you most about plants and trees and he promptly answered, "Imagine the water from the soil reaching to the top leaves on a Redwood tree, without any electricity or noise". It changed something in me strongly.

I Went Cashless Way Before Demonetization.. I Support PM Modi

Painting Your Home Is As Easy As Putting On Makeup

It has been quite some time since I enjoyed a Saturday after as much I did on 10^th of December at the #BergerXP IndiBlogger Meet – Bangalore at Hotel Lalit Ashok. I call it the rainbow of bloggers meet with all the colors and fun involved. 

A Friend In Need Is A Friend Indeed

I have a pussy cat, whose coat is made of snow

When it rubs itself against me, it needs, love I know

But as I sleep with my dear ones when comes the cat

I shoo it away saying “Hey! Go catch yourself a rat”

SELF V, 2016 LIFE > CANCER

Yeah, it is back. Those three words can be dreaded at times, but here knowing that the yearly SelfV event is back, the same words can put a smile across your face.

Rather than saying SelfV 2016 kicked off, we should say it Vroomed on the silent Sunday morning on the roads of Bangalore when Ducati Bikers showed their solidarity for fight against Cancer on 2nd October. For past two years we have watched hundreds of self-made videos of people who have overcome cancer, sharing their stories in open.

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Knowing Your Heart – Congenital Heart Disease

 Last year, when I felt my heart was beating faster than normal, I never knew it was something called tachycardia which can seriously disrupt normal heart function, increase the risk of stroke, or cause sudden cardiac arrest or death. I assumed it must be due to stress or something similar until my heart was beating rate of more than 220 per minute and I had to call an ambulance.

My Special SIS - Sister In Survival

We were without a cable or dish TV connection for more than 1 and ½ decades. Yeah, my children grew up not watching TV and they are fine, even though I assure you that it was not an experiment conducted on them so see if children can actually live without TV or not. It was just that I felt we were watching TV whenever we are bored without using the time for some creative activity or outdoor games. So, out went the TV from our lives and in came computers.

#YDSuccessStories - My Story

“My counselor did not criticize me like others; she was the only one to support me in my most important decision of life.”

Where it started?

Jamie, a 27 years old transgender from France was on the hospital bed, scared and perplexed. He was going to get operated in a few hours. It was the life changing operation. He was about to undergo a gender transference surgery and was missing his close ones.

Being a Mom - Reposting

One of the hundreds of loving moments which makes life worth living...

 When I was thoroughly enjoying Sidney Sheldon’s ‘Tell Me Your Dreams’, I was intrigued by the multiple personalities of Ashley Paterson. It was unbelievable that a person could have a diverse personality inside their psyche, that was until my own alternate personality took over me. My alternate personality was called ‘Maa’ and it was completely opposite of what I was. The advantage I had over Ashley was that, I was aware of both the sides of these personalities and could interact with them. I am spared the mystery at least! Whew.

Experiencing How ‘LO DO KHATAM KARO’ Works

Like everyone, “LO DO KHATAM KARO’ had caught my fancy as well a little while ago. I wondered how does this work, but naturally I was either too busy or too lazy to find out.

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When Your Child Becomes Your Guide

All the blessings in my life can be summed be in just one word – Rayyan

I can’t believe Rayyan, my wonder boy, is 25 years old as of today.  The wonder boy is now a superhero. I am so happy that I have lived to see him grow into a wonderful human being.

The Bondage of Independence….

Image Courtesy  - The Animator

At the stroke of midnight on 15th of August 1947, Jawaharlal Nehru delivered his very famous speech "Tryst with Destiny" celebrating the triumphant victory of India, which came through nearly after a century of non-violent Indian freedom struggle against the British Empire.

15 Lessons Years of Motherhood Have Taught Me

Motherhood is an amazing school that teaches you something no other university ever will. After being a mom to amazing children for more than 2 decades, I am summing up here 15 lessons that years of motherhood have taught me.
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One Step at a Time

The story of my little princess who took one step at a time to reach her life goals

Many miles are covered and destinations reached when you take one step at a time. By bringing up my special needs daughter Farheena, this is one of the most important life lessons I have learned from the chapters of my life.
When doctors announced that my pretty as picture baby would not be able to walk, talk or live her life fully, the shock was terrible for me and my family. Why my baby? The inevitable question was asked by me, like many moms do; but, who can answer that question? Soon it was time for taking the right steps and making life as good as possible for her instead of finding answers or playing the blame game.

The All Time Classic Gandhi (1982) On Zee Classic

There was time when I was not addicted to Hollywood movies, like I am now. Today, movie time means Hollywood in my home; at least for me and Rayyan. Occasionally, we do watch some Bollywood movie for a change.

55 Fiction- Paradise Lost

She asked, “What do you want the most in your life?”

Lovingly he replied, “your happiness my love”.

She smiled and surrendered to him completely.

Only if she had known that he actually wanted to take away her happiness with him, leaving her alone, never to smile, never to be happy ever again in life!

10 Little Victories That Every Mom Should Congratulate Herself For!

Paying bills, keeping everyone well fed, tidying up the home – especially when the toddler tornado has run around, or maintaining her own and others' sanity - they are all huge things that don't get enough attention. Moms, take time to congratulate yourselves on little victories and celebrate your days with zest!

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7 Ways We Damage Our Kids Self Esteem - Without Knowing It!

Every parent wishes that their children grow up to be confident and capable individuals. Yet, there is little they do to boost the self-esteem in their child. In fact, often they may damage their kid’s self-esteem, without even realizing it. Let us check out few common ways we create low self-esteem in children and see if this rings a bell anywhere in our mind.

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55 Fiction - Onslaught

She feared as her clothes were tugged and hairs disheveled.

 Everyone on road watched without intervening, even as she struggled to save herself from the attack which continued mercilessly.

Dripping wet, she took a deep breath, built enough courage to face her enemy, and threw the umbrella into air to enjoy the lashing rain.

Early Detection Can Save A Life – Ovarian Cancer

The word cancer itself can send shivers down the spine, because it has turned out to be fatal in many cases. The biggest challenge for cancer specialist treating cancer is that, it shows no symptoms until too late.

Surviving Cancer For More Than 20 Years... Touch Wood.

It has been more than 20  years since I underwent mastectomy to fight cancer. I still feel the chills in my bone when I think back on those terrible times. As I realized that I have III stage cancer, which meant I could die leaving behind my two kids, my daughter who was just 11 months and son who was just 4 years, I felt the ground slipping away from beneath my feet. 

This was one of those times when  life brings you problems big enough that you may find yourself in a canyon deeper than Grand Canyon with steep walls.You may feel like losing all control and tumbling down the stairs. It may be enough to make one lose hope of ever getting out of this messy situation. But then, life itself teaches you to be strong and persist in efforts, until you claw yourself out of the deeps; and then it gives you confidence that ‘nothing is impossible’. 

All through my life I consider the year 1996 to be the worst I have faced ever in my life. Ahh! There are situations and times, that for a moment make me feel, there are far more worse moments in my life; but when I sit down and serenely think upon the events, I am sure that this is the worst and toughest part of life. 

I had to deal with my daughter’s special needs condition, in addition doctors came up with all kinds of diagnosis making me more nervous and unsure what future had in store for us. Then I had to deal with my diagnosis of breast cancer, III stage while my daughter was just 11 months old. The worst thing that ever happened to me was to follow soon.  I lost my loving (not only by me but by everyone who knew her) sister to cancer. My son was a nervous wreck after losing his loving aunt, and watching his Mom suffer side effects of chemotherapy. He must have felt the fear of losing his mom too. My family was torn to shreds and I don’t know whether it has ever been repaired again.. SIGH!

 I wished to give up EVERYTHING, the struggle, the fight and the will to survive. All I wanted to do was rest and allow the tide of life to carry me wherever it intended to. May be it would have happened if not for my kids. Kids are great motivators, or at least I feel mine have been to me. My sole purpose to live and struggle was the thought of two orphaned kids with no Mommy to love and care for them. This was a strong booster.. it picked up my drooping spirit with a gusto that a so and so called drug has claimed to do for a so and so droopy thing. Another motivation came from my aged parents who had just lost their loving daughter to cancer. I could not put them through the trauma of losing another daughter to the beast. Anyway I started clawing the walls of the canyon, came out of the deeps and climbed few hills with the momentum I had. Somehow I feel I have kind of turned into kind of unstoppable person now. I am not satisfied with just being where I am… I want to fly high and touch the skies.

When I think back on the days of being diagnosed with cancer, the day I went for my surgery and looked at my breast in the bathroom mirror of the hospital for the last time, the day I lost my original form never to be the same again, the drama plays in front of my eyes quite vividly. God had made some mistakes earlier too, giving me a club foot but this was another kind of deformity of my torso I had to live with now. 

I felt bitter back then and the bitterness grew when I brushed my hair and they came out in bunches and filled my lap. I went totally bald with the chemotherapy. It was tough to go through cancer and tougher to go through chemotherapy but then it must have been easier than to be orphaned at the age of 11 months or 4 years and grow up knowing you lost your Mom to cancer. I came out of self pity. The concerned look on the face of my son is what woke me and told me to pick up the bits and make a good looking collage out of it. I went ahead and did it… and now I have a beautiful collage of life to live ;).

One thing problems could never take away from me was my sense of humor. It has lasted the tough ride along with me. It has gone through quite the drub but always comes out in triumph to put smiles on lips. Once I was out of blues, I started to feel that I should have taken a picture of myself before going for the surgery; I should have preserved the memories of my bald head through photos or done something crazy just to lift off the pressure. Back then the concern for my children and the fear of not being there for them had pushed my sense of humour into background … but then it made it come back one fine day and I felt cancer has not changed me much. It had not made me bitter for long… I was feeling better than before.

I have learned my lessons of life… and the lessons help me live life with lots and lots of hope. The hope to live, laugh, and let others live happily around me. 
Today I stand here 20 years later watching my children become adults, realize my dream of being counselor and psychologist, training people to lead better life and living life to the fullest with gusto. 

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A Doctor Who Knows Children

People often say I am a very over confident person who moves ahead to do things about which I am barely familiar or have little knowledge of. I may have done things to prove them right. The only time I felt nervous and not so confident was when I was going to be a mother. I was not sure whether I would be able to do justice to the responsibility of bringing up a child the right way.

While surfing through the books at a renowned bookstall, I came across the book “Bringing up Baby”. This was something I was looking for guidance. The person who had written that book had real passion for children and their well-being. I decided to find the author of the book and look up to her as my guide. Fortunately, Dr. Nandini Mundkur, developmental pediatrician was just 30 km away from where I lived. When Rayyan, my son was born, I went to her for consultation.  On my first visit, I knew she is going to be better than what I expected her to be. He did not even cry when she gave him the immunization shot. She had passion and love for her work and aimed at making hospitals better for children. She had a dream project in her mind and was working on it at that time.

My second child was with special needs. It was during that period that knowing her came to me as a blessing. Without her it would have been very tough for me deal  with the emotions of two children, my daughter special requirements and also my own problems like going through breast cancer when still recovering from the discovery that my daughter had special needs and would need support throughout her life. She helped me monitor my daughter's development to help her improve her life-skills.

Dr. Nandini Mundkur had set up the Bangalore Children’s Hospital and Research Center where I was taking my daughter for physiotherapy. It was during this period, when my daughter was 11 months old that I was diagnosed with cancer.  Dr. Nandini was my pillar of support during this period and saw to it that I was treated in her dream hospital, which was meant for the children, so that I could be near my children when going through the treatment. She had a heart, which was as beautiful as her work, and she expressed it well through her achievements. With her guidance, I have been a very happy and loving parent to my children.

Today, with her vast experience, she has set up a tool for parents and doctors to monitor the development of children.

Track and ACT will help in monitoring child's development from the age of 4 months to 5 years. With this tool in their hands, parents will have easy time monitoring their child and developmental milestones they reach during their early growth period. You can visit TotsGuide to know more about the project. 

ROG - One Nation, One Passion, One Flag (ship)

Republic Of Gamers

One Nation, One Passion, One Flag (ship)

Parenting - The Biggest Test Of Your Life

When we parents hear the word ‘HomeWork’, all we can imagine is our nasty kids who refuse to complete the loads of homework given to them by their schools. How often do we ever think about ourselves? Our own parenting skills? Our own learning and homework which we have to do before taking up the responsibility bringing a child into this world and making him/her a part of our society? Never, right?

From the time I remember, I have been a very confident person. My clubfoot never succeeded in affecting my confidence levels. The only time I felt nervous with no sign of confidence to be seen anywhere was when the doctor declared I was pregnant. Could I be a good parent? Will I do justice to the role of mother I was about to play? I was not sure.

I had seen how my parents had messed up with my future since they had no clue about my aspirations nor did they plan for my future. I aspired to be an astrophysicist, but my parents had not done their homework and were not ready to have their girl sent into the field of science, that too with a weird name like Astrophysics. The main agenda on my Moms mind was to get me a life by finding me a husband. She succeeded, thus bringing an end to my dream of becoming an Astrophysicist. When parents do not understand children’s aspirations or make right plan for child’s future, they may end up killing beautiful dreams even without knowing it.

I have no regrets or remorse now since I did complete my education later in my life and ended up being a psychologist and Life-skill trainer. Neither do I blame my parents, since they did what they thought was best for me because they loved me.

Yet, my experience had taught me that even when we love our child wholeheartedly we may not do the right things for him/her since we are not trained to be parents. We take our role of parenting for granted and do what we think is good for our child.

I decided to start working towards being a better parent for my child. My first step was to buy a book ‘Bringing Up Baby’ by Dr. Nandini Mundkur and read it thoroughly. Also I started consulting her for guidance. When my son was born, I took help from counselling centers and experts to guide me be a good mother to him.

The bigger challenge came with my second child with special needs. This was a challenge that required me not just to do my homework but sit through numerous exams and tests every day. I trusted my instincts and love for my children a lot, but I did not depend on it. All through my life, I took help, guidance and advice from people who were experts. They were counselors, journalists, doctors and many other professionals who offered their help readily.

My parents realized later that LIFE does not happen as we plan for our children. I was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3 at the age of 29. It was a huge financial, emotional and physical struggle for me to overcome the ordeal. This was the time my parents felt it would have been good if they had made me financially independent and strong woman.

I took care to see that my struggles and setbacks would have no effect on the future of my children. With all the efforts you would assume that I did perfect parenting for my children. Unfortunately, that did not happen. I bungled up when time came for my son to choose his career. He wanted to be an animator, but my husband wanted him to be a computer engineer. He was forced to take up computer science which he was forced to take up. Though he tried to fulfill the wishes of his father, he realized that he did not want to do it forever in his life as a career. His passion lay with Animation and creative work. So, after completing his diploma, I supported him to take up animation and pursue his dream career. Finally, I rectified my mistake and he is quite successful Animator today, taking baby steps in a career he pursues with a passion.

With my daughter, I did the mistake of taking her to Byndoor, our native village. We stayed there for 10 years and lost some of the good special education and training she would have received in a place like Bangalore. I did not have the financial independence to make my choice or stand by my decisions, but I constantly worked towards it and achieved my goal finally. Farheena was in a very good special school in Bangalore and now works at a vocational center for people with special needs. Though she earns a small amount, I feel so proud that she is an earning member of our family today. She is also ardent stylist who creates Scrapbooks on Limeroad in her spare time. 

I am glad that I got second chance not only at life by surviving cancer for nearly 2 decades but also at parenting where I could rectify my mistakes and give my children a future they deserve and want for themselves.

Not many would get this second chance. So, “Do Your Homework” and be ready for parenting challenges. Today, educated parents can understand the needs of their child and career options in a better way. Many corporate and other organizations run campaigns, conduct workshops and organize events to create awareness among parents regarding the emotional, educational and financial needs of their children.

I am quite impressed with the unique concept of Do Your Homework Campaign which helps parents to get on the same page with their kids when it comes to making decision about their future. Today's world has innumerable career choices for our future generation, without doing our homework, we would not be on the page as our kids. It is tough when our dreams crumble as our child announces he/she has different plans and does not intend to follow the dream we dreamed for him/her. Once we toughen ourselves for this reality and accept it gracefully, the biggest hurdle is overcome.

The webpage also has a simple test for parents to determine whether they are capable of teaching their kids not just to dream big, but also change their dreams into reality. 

Let our children be who they are....

What is homework without fun when you are with kids? Find some exclusive fun things which you can choose for your children for download here. Let them explore their creativity and try out something new while you do your homework.

Even when we get on the same page as our kids, it is not easy to help them achieve their dreams, since education does not come cheap anymore. We need to make investments in various ELSS or other mutual funds to be ready for our children’s higher education.  The toughest part would be to accept that your child may not want to follow your dream. They have their own dream to realize which may be completely different from what you had for your child. Be emotionally ready to accept this gracefully and support your child in following the path where their dreams leads them to. 

Don't dream big for your children, instead help them turn their dreams into reality. 

Spread Awareness About Autism

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A Home With A Heart

Building a Home with a Heart!

I don’t have a home, but I have a dream. A dream of building a home with a heart.  A dream of a special home for my special needs child. The theme of my home would be independence for all….

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The Payback Time - FlipkartOutdoors Indiblogger Meet

I have often saved and hoarded all those calories by shopping online from the comfort of my home. Flipkart has been one of our favourite websites from where we have shopped various goodies, some of them at throwaway prizes as well. Being Lazy and Shopping Easy is something I love.

Here are some of the shopping we did in the past few months, besides many outfits, shoes and accessories. Farheena can be called an online shopaholic.

The Survival Of Planned

Are we moving from the survival of the fittest to the stage where survival will be of those who plan their lives meticulously? Will there be a time in our lives when people who fail to make plans not survive in the materialistic world?

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Licensed To Thrill

It had been 35 years since I had got off my bicycle for one last time, never to get back on it ever again. I was 13 year old teen who had been forced to stop riding the bicycle for the crime of being a girl. Being mocked by my grandmother, eve teased by boys and looked down upon by the society, I did not have enough strength within me to fight those forces and do what I loved. Giving in was easy and cowardly, but I did. Shame on me!

A Fountain Of Joy And Inspiration

Good Bye 2015. I will miss you.

The year was amazing for me. I reached many long term goals in 2015 towards which I have been relentlessly working for years. This was also a fruitful year where lot of people with their inspirational stories inspired me to be a better person. Fortunately, I don’t have to look far for the most inspiring story of 2015, since the amazing person lives with me under the same roof. She is my daughter Farheena.

When Farheena entered my life on 11^th May 1995, my joy knew no bounds. Having a daughter born after a son completed me as a mother. But, life is not fairy-tale with happy ending; so it was not like “she gave birth to a beautiful daughter and they lived happily ever after”. There were challenges waiting for me just around the corner.

The first challenge was finding out the most beautiful baby girl I had seen could not see, talk, walk or do many things which we all take for granted. She was child with special needs. The second challenge was, just 11 months after her birth, I was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3.

Managing my cancer treatment, my financial woes and providing proper physiotherapy and care for my daughter was challenging to say the least, but with her hugs, smiles and love my daughter inspired me to survive. I knew with her around, I had no choice but to kick the cancer butt and survive. I did - for 20 years now.

Hospitals, special schools and lot of training with help from my son saw that Farheena grew up to be a friendly, happy and dignified young woman who knew her boundaries, limits, rights and passion and she stood by them firmly. The medical predictions did not stand strong in front of our combined determination.

With her medals and certificate

Today, Farheena does not talk fluently, but she does communicate in her own way and style. She can see clearly. She walks with little help. Farheena manages her own life and keeps in touch with friends of her choice through internet. Facebook and recently WhatsApp are her favorites. 

With one of her favorite blogger friend Janaki 

With limited words she can pronounce or spell, she uses her creativity to convey messages to us. Her lack of complete vocabulary has not stopped her from communicating with people. She keeps trying until she is understood.

Sharing her friend's secret with her baby doll Annie

2015 marked a new Era of my life because this was the year when Farheena walked in with her first Salary she received for making paper bags in YST. She is involved in lot more activities now.

That was the biggest goal of my life achieved. People who do not understand the whole concept often ask me, “How much does she earn?” That is not important. What makes it important for me as a mother is to know that she is now capable of being engaged in fruitful and purposeful work throughout the day. Apart from her job at YST, Farheena is busy on limeroad creating her scrapbook with styles of her choice. She has given me a few fashion tips and tries to correct me when she feels I am wearing inappropriate clothes for an occasion.

My inspiration in 2015 is my special needs daughter Farheena who has not allowed anyone to take her for granted. She knows how to protect herself and when to ask for help if someone is bothering her. She carries herself with dignity of a queen and is proud of her achievements. She has the ability to make people feel like somebody special. Moreover, unlike many people I know, she loves and respects herself.

15 years ago, I was consulting a lawyer regarding my legal rights. During the course of discussion, I mentioned that I am proud of my daughter. The lawyer then retorted saying, “Stop lying to yourself Farida. Come out of the delusion you are living in. No one can be proud of a special needs child. You can accept and love her but cannot be proud of her”. I was confused back then and walked away without answering her. I knew I felt pride in my heart when I think of my daughter but I was not sure.

Today, I can very confidently say that I am very proud of my daughter. She has taught me a very important lesson in my life that – it is not what you get in your life that matters, but what you do with what you have which makes the difference. I know she will continue to inspire me in the coming years as well.

I am very happy to spread the vibe of my hope and happiness to people who may feel overwhelmed by the challenges in their lives. Hang-on and fight with all your might! You will succeed.

The pretty Baby

Loves to dress up

Determined to get on her feet after triple
fusion surgery on ankles

Making her style statement

One of those rare days when she cleans
our home