Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!
Child abuse is one of the meanest and most heinous crime
taking place in our society. We often read in papers, about the sexual assault
mercilessly being committed on children as young as 3 years or less. Thus when
we talk about child abuse a picture of a dead, severely hurt or crying child
comes to our mind. But, this is not always the case; since, more often the
abuse is well hidden and carried out for years never to be discovered. We need
to watch out for this worst kind of social evil which exists among us, wake up
from being passive spectators, try to intervene and help whenever possible to
eradicate this evil permanently from our society. We live in denial that such
things do not happen in our cultural society. To bring about change, first
awareness and then acceptance about child abuse is very important.
Why Children?
1) Physically they are small and incapable of defending
themselves
2) Psychologically they are ingrained that they should be
good to elders and obey them. In addition they are made to follow the false
belief that elders are always right.
3) They are gullible as they do not have knowledge about
sex. They do not understand they are being abused at times. Moreover, if the
Pedophile is cunning, he/she can mislead them to believe it is game, secret or
sadly their own fault.
Change From Normal Behavior
In normal course an adult tries to protect the child, due to
the inbuilt paternal and maternal instinct, which is important for survival of
any speicies. But sometimes due to some psychological or emotional abnormality
an adult may resort to abuse the child. Often it would be an easy outlet for
their lust, anger, frustration or any other negativity rooted in them.
Different forms of child abuse
Abuse of children can be classified into 3 categories.
1) Verbal abuse
2) Physical abuse
3) Sexual abuse
Stop Child Verbal Abuse....
Verbal abuse: - The child is ridiculed and emotionally hurt
by using words which are not to be said. Usually this abuse is carried on in
the name of disciplining children. Every now and then we find a perfect target
in a child to vent out our prejudices; frustration, anger, disappointments etc.
In some cases it is carried on with actual bad intentions where a person may in
fact hate the child for some reason. Verbal abuse can be done by anybody like
mother, father, aunt, neighbor, teacher or any other person who is responsible
for protecting the child.
The emotional impact of verbal abuse is quite strong and at
times it leaves emotional trauma to the level of sexual abuse.
Physical abuse: - This is usually carried on by the people
who believe in capital punishment (again in the name of discipline). Hitting
the child, makes a person feel that they are in control of the situation and in
position of authority. Often parents beat children because they feel it is a
channel to vent out their frustrations. Some parents or teachers may not have
skills that are required to handle a child with extra energy, inquisitive mind
or a tinge of naughtiness. Their lack of knowledge and ability in handling the
child will lead them to the easy way out by meeting out capital punishment.
Physical abuse only gets momentary unwilling compliance from children. Constant
physical abuse can push the child to become more stubborn and obstinate.
Sexual
Abuse : This is very dreaded word because verbal and physical abuse do not
cause as much emotional trauma as sexual abuse. According to
survey 40-70%girls are victims of sexual abuse in India.
A large number of molesters are respected elders like uncles
cousins etc.
Molesters can be in relationship like.
1) Male abuser to male child
2) Male abuser to female child
3) Female abuser to female child
One of the most prominent misconceptions the society has is
that it has to protect the girls as boys are often safe from being abused. When
we usually doubt something could be amiss when a man shows interest in a girl
child, we often tend to ignore it when the child concerned is male. It is
important to note that men tend to abuse male child, scarring their psyche
forever quite often.
Sexually Abusing a girl child scars
her for life
Of all forms of abuse, the male abuser to female child
incidents are highest and it leaves maximum emotional trauma. It leaves long
term effect on the individuality of the child. She may grow up fearing men,
hating touch, avoiding happiness and suffering from feeling of shame, guilt and
unworthiness. Often they may feel they are sinners and indulge in self
punishment.
In female abuser to male child, the child is always involved
in some play and so doesn't realize he has been abused because there is no pain
and no force involved with the act. He doesn't even know he is being exploited
sexually due to unawareness about sexual exploitation. But when the realization
comes, he may enter into the guilt feeling that he was too sex oriented because
he enjoyed sex very early in life. That will make him conscious of his feeling
of sex. Even normal tendencies may cause guilt that he is different from
others.
The female abuser to female child again uses the same tricks
where the child is fooled and does not realize what is actually happening.
How to protect a child
·
Communication: - Talk to the child about where she/he has been. Who they
played with. How they played. Keep in mind that you should not to make the
communication interrogative.
· Teach vocabulary:
- teach them how to say what they have to. Increase vocabulary as they grow up.
Let them know that they have every right to refuse to do something they are
uncomfortable with, even if it is their own parents telling them to do it.
· Respect the
child and let the child respect himself/herself.
· Discuss
potential abusers and abusive patterns. Teach them the difference between the
right touch and the wrong touch and also that it is ok to feel uncomfortable
and let the person know about it.
· Be aware of
movements. Keep track of as to where the child is spending his/her time. Who
they were with, what they did etc
· Build self
esteem: - a child with low self esteem becomes a potential victim.
· Remove
loneliness. The lonely child is also more vulnerable.
· Tell how to
protect. Encourage to shout and scream when someone tried to harm her/him. You
can conduct exercises teaching the children to shout. Assure them that they
will be protected and not blamed for doing so.
Possible behavior pattern of abused child.
·
Showing too much maturity for age
·
Withdrawal from peer group, becoming a loner
·
Lack of usual activities
·
Using very adult like words
·
Showing undue fear of places, situations, people etc
·
Self punishment
·
Guilt feeling
Every so often the abuser will be clever enough to instill
the feeling of guilt and fear in the child. He/she may convince the child that
they are also equally responsible for what happened. They were willing and
happy because they never protested etc.
Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel
there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you
fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is
alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you
can... it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and
protected…
An abuser who is rude, may scar the child emotionally and physically for life |
Why are abusers usually and stereotypically I may add, shown as dark skin? and the child as light skinned?
ReplyDeleteIf you check out all pictures, you will notice that some abusers are fairer than children in those pictures. This is not about any race, culture or color, is about saving the children from potential abusers. Stick to that cause.
DeleteSad to see the first comment on this. ! I mean, really?
DeleteAll aspects of child abuse thoroughly thrashed out Farida. Hope this helps many parents .
ReplyDeleteI think most child abuse cases are happen in higher society, I have read one report on Wiki, where according to the survey done by NGO, there are 76% of the women accept that they are the victim of Child Abuse, the stats are really pathetic.
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