Sunday, October 9, 2011

Come back time!!!!!!!

Being Scared

I think it is time for me to stop mourning and moaning over what is happening in my life and move on. Moving on with life means getting back to blogging and surfing net included. ;) after a gap of 58 days. Withdrawals? YES! I had left few scheduled posts, but haven't been here since 22nd August. 
 I have been offline most of the time due to many reasons; one of them being the upset I have gone through because of the improper evaluation of my English papers. I had done excellent in my English Optional and English language papers and expected 75% - 80% marks minimum especially in English literature, which I consider to be one of the best papers I have ever written (other than few maths papers ;) ).  I had written annotations and answers in a perfect way; as guided by the professors from KSOU, made references to quotations from text books and in addition I also checked the answers after returning from my exams and found them to be perfect. Studying is my major passion and I have to deal with lot of opposition to move ahead with my studies. It means a lot to me.  My marks were 56% in English Language and 60% in English Optional which was disappointing considering the way I had attempted the paper; whereas I could score 73% in Kannada which is a language I have been out of touch with through proper effort. Therefore after consulting my study center, I opted for revaluation of my papers in psychology, English language and English optional as I was very confident of acquiring better result through proper evaluation of my papers. To my utter shock the revaluation further reduced my marks and gave me only 44 and 41 percent respectively in English language and English optional subjects. My psychology marks have remained same, which was another paper which I felt I deserved more marks but got only 69%. My other papers have been satisfactory and my aggregate is good enough to get me a rank. I tried getting in touch with the registrars of evaluations, but they said there is no provision for further checking and I have to accept the results. If the difference was something around 15 marks it would have been easier to accept the results and let it go, but I am sure there has been a mistake of huge margin of at least 50% for the two subjects, which is a great setback for me. I was looking forward to score a rank and this blunder has thrown a wet blanket on my hopes.

I am pursuing studies with the aim of completing PhD either in English or Psychology.    At 44 I have taken up the challenge of continuing with my passion of seeking knowledge through higher education, after having relented to parental and communal pressure and given up studies twenty five years ago; even though I was topper in my class back then.  KSOU showed me the golden opportunity of pursuing my studies without having to compromise on the care and attention deserved by my special needs daughter. I have worked hard for two years, gone through lots of hurdles thrown in my way to learn my lessons thoroughly, to read and acquire knowledge not only for the purpose of writing exams but also to learn and use the knowledge of the subject in my life and profession. It has not been easy to sit and concentrate on studies when I have duties as mother, homemaker and wife beckoning me.  I feel it is not be fair for a mistake conducted by the evaluator to steal what I truly deserve but then feelings do not count much. It is sort of breaking my faith in education and I may not be able to pursue my next year’s exams with enthusiasm, knowing the same blunder may occur again.

I cannot even order for a Xerox copy now after evaluation. I at least deserve to see why my marks have been further cut by the re-evaluator but even that is not possible for now. OK!

This is just the visible part of iceberg. There is a lot more under the water but this will be enough for the beginning. Anyway I am glad to back on blogging sphere.. look out for me.
On the bright side of life, I felt great about winning a laptop because I loved writing about Intel Appups. I believe multi-media is a great way to learn.


Rayyan Lost in Laptop

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