Lifting
the curtain... An introduction to weird me
Like
with everybody else, the main problem with me was; when the major decisions
were made, I was gullible and open to wounds. When I had to make a beginning I
lacked experience, courage and intelligence--- the knowledge we acquire through
the lessons life teaches us. I was just a small girl very upset with almost
everybody (especially God) because I felt they were being unfair to me. That
girl of my past who is still upset is affecting my stance towards life today
and also sort of forcing me to make the decisions to please others. It is time
to find her talk to her and stop her from interfering in my present day affairs
quickly for the time is running out. I will not have many more years left to
find out what ‘I’ truly am. How God originally created me before all his other
creations started meddling with me. So I start on journey to meet the skinny,
dusky, very naughty, mischievous, disobedient and haughty little girl through
those memories which have left their trace in my mind. There are few good
memories and few bad ones. Both of them have a very strong influence on my
present life.
Unfortunately
I was a girl who unlike her innocent peers was smart enough to see, observe,
understand many things and explain it to my elder sister and at times to my
parents too. People around me were often ignorant of the fact that I was
picking up every word they said, while appearing engrossed in the toys or
books. So I knew way too many things of what was happening around and that
wasn’t good for me. Let me find out how I felt back then.
May
be I will understand my childhood better now because I love little children and
have learnt to relate to their emotions. I love children without looking for
the reasons to love them, may be in a way to compensate for the lack of love I
felt in my own childhood. I love them because they deserve it, no matter how
they are; smart, silly, tall, short, bookworms, lazy, girl, boy, naughty,
disobedient, skinny, fat, mischievous……. No matter what label is attached to
them, I love the kids. So I should be able to help my disturb childhood.
Back
in my childhood, the school was the place I loved the most. In my memory, I
travel back in time and I find myself sitting at my favorite spot and wondering
about something, lost in my own fancy world. Not knowing there are people
moving about throwing amusing glances at me wondering what such a small girl
could be thinking so deeply.
I never appreciated interference from
people, as I always considered it an intrusion into my private world. As a result, I was
never considered a friendly type of girl.
People had trouble talking to me. There was no conversation; it was
either my tongue and their ears, or, arguments and debates. Seldom had I normal,
casual conversations with people.

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