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Monday, October 5, 2009

A new journey begins.............


Isn't truth sometimes difficult to be accepted? I have lived in a land of denial for quite some time. At times, I have tried to forget things which do not make me happy.


 I was a freak child for sure. I did not realize it until one fine day it occurred to me; that my reading newspapers when I was in II std was not normal. Also when I was in my III std, I used to help my dad do his accounts. He was in charge of the purchases for Joy Ice Creams Pvt. Ltd. Whitefield. When he was too tired to tally the account, I would do it for him. Everyone around me would say I am very studious and smart girl. But now, I know I was a freak. ;) 
That part of freakiness is something positive, unfortunately I was a freak in negative terms too. I usually try to run away or hide from the truth of my childhood. I want to be the innocent, quite, behaved and loved child who is admired and praised by everyone around her. Not the fierce, rebellious and naughty girl. As the result of the hiding, truth keeps hitting me on the face most of the time and also the memories are refreshed time and again. 
One fine day I decided I am going to deal with reality and also accept the truth. I am going to accept myself with all the naughtiness of my childhood. It is not a big sin to be a naughty, troublesome girl. If that was me, all right. If people around me suffered, may be they earned it in a hard way. The decision was wise because life has been much easier after that.
My life has had big turmoil like Cancer, Special needs child, losing family and friends to cancer and other major issues, but it is the trivial matters which should not have made an impact on my life at all, that has made a difference to me. Like an argument I had with my grandma 35 years ago still lingers in my mind. I felt sad and very much hurt when she said, I had been responsible for my Mom's suffering. I was born with a club foot. That is not a big deal. 

I think it is time to clean the closets and push out everything, so that I can take a breath of fresh air. My journey began in 2006 when I started to think about my past, beginning from my childhood, looking at the events from my experienced wisdom now and accepting what I was back then. Even though most of you have a lot of cultural differences with me, I am glad that I have been accepted and appreciated by you people and it means a lot to me. I hope your support will continue as I will discover myself and deal with what I find out about myself.  

14 comments:

  1. Farila, you 're highly appreciated by me. You're so kind, wise,and sensitive woman
    and you have a tough spirit.
    I'm proud to be your on line friend!
    hugs hugs

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  2. Thank you so much Betty.. This means a lot to me and you will never understand the difference it makes in my life...

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  3. I read your new blog. It's wonderful and I look forward to taking that journey with you.

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  4. Thanks Mike for being the first one to join me on this journey. I have been enjoying your other blog which is killing me out of curiosity..I love your style.

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  5. Farila, to me you will always be one very special lady! I admire you so much and am so glad that I met you!
    Your comments are always greatly appreciated, and I look forward to hearing from you everyday!
    Now I'm off to check out your new site!

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  6. Wonderful, you write interesting things, because you have had such experiences. I'm sure it wlll follow through in your next site. I'm glad to have met you thru blog world.

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  7. Oh, how exciting! My first visit and two blogs to choose from. I enjoyed very much reading this post as it seems I share some of your experiences regarding the turmoils and angry debates with one or two members of family that could have been avoided.

    Off now to visit your other blog.

    Have a happy Friday!

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  8. Hi Gloria.. Thanks for visiting.. Hope you will join me.

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  9. Hi there Alice and BM, I am sorry that my reply to what you said has not been published. I am so glad to have met you through blogs too and I just wish I had more time on hand to read more blogs and catch up with your previous posts.

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  10. Sort out what you need. You are a great woman, a great mom, a great person.
    Do what you need to do - and I will be here, along with your other friends to help, support, and most importantly - accept you.
    Much Love, Rachel

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  11. Thanks for sharing this Farila, it'll help someone else also find the courage and spirit to look ahead. I admire your resolve and your positive attitude. May you have a lovely sunshiney 2012!

    Cheers!

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  12. Just started reading your blog-the very first one has aroused so much interest that I'll have to take lots of time out and read all of you. Am so impressed by your attitude to life and spcly. cancer. If you haven't already discovered Louise L. Hay pls. read her and follow her. I've had miracles in my life bec. of what I learnt from her. Will get back to u later. Regards and sunshine.

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