Chapters From My Life: Happy Birthday Dear Daughter

When Farheena entered my life on 11^th May 1995, my joy knew no bounds. Farheena has ensured that I continue to enjoy her company even to this day. She inspires with her uncomplicated thinking and way of looking at things without being prejudiced or judgmental. Having a daughter born after a son completed me as a mother.

Just a few days ago I was holding a little baby in my hands… so calm and peaceful she lay asleep that I could not believe it was my own baby. OH NO!!! it was not a few days ago. It has been freaking 26 years now. What year is it? 2021???? Ok! I was holding her in 1995.. Wow!

It seems just like a few days ago. I can still feel her warmth, smell the baby smell and hear her baby snore. So my baby is turning into a fine young princess or precisely a Queen.

When doctors told me she is special girl I did not have any trouble believing them. She was special and I could see that in a different way than what they meant. As days changed into months and months into years, she went on to prove to be special in everyway. I have seen her bring out the best in people. Even the not so good ones. She has smile and love for everyone in the world. She doesn’t know the barriers of countries, caste, creed, color, money, status, age, etc. Not even the importance of human race LOL. For her all creations of God are equal. For her everyone with a ‘HI’ is a friend. Anyone with anger, scowl or growl is ‘Me happy no’. So simple is life in her terms just like her language. To be happy, sad, and angry just happens naturally. No drama. Nope. I remember her saying bye to the ceiling fan before shutting it off. Saying sorry to a pencil for dropping it down.

I love the way Farheena greets the day with her unique sentence, "Tomorrow has happened!" There are many things that only Farheena can say or do, especially the unconditional and limitless love she shares with people around her.

With her medals and certificate

Though life began with loads of challenges for Farheena, there is nothing that can stop her from being happy. Today, Farheena does not talk fluently, but she does communicate in her own way and style. She can see clearly. She walks with little help. Farheena manages her own life and keeps in touch with friends of her choice through internet. Facebook and recently WhatsApp are her favorites.

When Rayyan got married last November, she couldn't be part of all the fun, due to mobility challenge but once home, she organized games for Madiha and all of us and enjoyed to the fullest. She also got pictures of Madiha in different poses on the flower decorated bed.

She embraced her sister-in-law with all love and Madiha did the same. I love the picture of them below. Madiha and Farheena have a special bond unlike any I have seen.

With limited words she can pronounce or spell, she uses her creativity to convey messages to us. Her lack of complete vocabulary has not stopped her from communicating with people. She keeps trying until she is understood.

Sharing her friend's secret with her baby doll Annie

2015 marked a new Era of my life because this was the year when Farheena walked in with her first Salary she received for making paper bags in YST which is now Fame Swalambhana. She is involved in lot more activities now.

That was the biggest goal of my life achieved. People who do not understand the whole concept often ask me, “How much does she earn?” That is not important. What makes it important for me as a mother is to know that she is now capable of being engaged in fruitful and purposeful work throughout the day. Apart from her job at Fame Swalambhana , Farheena is busy on limeroad creating her scrapbook with styles of her choice. She has given me a few fashion tips and tries to correct me when she feels I am wearing inappropriate clothes for an occasion. With lockdown shutting of her vocational center, she started her online shopping for friends, helping them find what they need and selling few products. She loves earning in her own simple way. She doesn't surrender to being completely dependent.

My inspiration in 2021 or any yearis my special daughter Farheena who has not allowed anyone to take her for granted. She knows how to protect herself and when to ask for help if someone is bothering her. She carries herself with dignity of a queen and is proud of her achievements. She has the ability to make people feel like somebody special. Moreover, unlike many people I know, she loves and respects herself.

She showed the effect of society on special people which inspired me to start an inclusive preschool - My Giggle Garden. Even though we are now closed due to Covid19 Pandemic, she has ignited a passion in me to make our society more inclusive for special people like her.

20 years ago, I was consulting a lawyer regarding my legal rights. During the course of discussion, I mentioned that I am proud of my daughter. The lawyer then retorted saying, “Stop lying to yourself Farida. Come out of the delusion you are living in. No one can be proud of a special needs child. You can accept and love her but cannot be proud of her”. I was confused back then and walked away without answering her. I knew I felt pride in my heart when I think of my daughter but I was not sure.

Today, I can very confidently say that I am very proud of my daughter. She has taught me a very important lesson in my life that – it is not what you get in your life that matters, but what you do with what you have which makes the difference. I know she will continue to inspire me in the coming years as well.

People who do not see what she sees make all those unnecessary exclamations which has sadly changed her a bit. But inside she is still the same baby with fiery temper which lasts for few minutes. Like it has always been easy to make her happy and smile so is it easy to make her sad and cry. I hope that everybody connected to her will understand her innocence and make her smile always without hurting her … even when I am not around. I send a silent prayer to God to take of our (she just partially belongs to me) little angel always………..

There is a story I would like to share with you, which has always helped me deal with my daughter for all these years. Helped me to restrain myself from making changes to her. Not wanting progress in a hurry. I know deep in my heart that there is reason for everything happening around us.

A man strolling through his garden found a cocoon of a butterfly. He would watch it everyday. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no farther.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily . Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God's (Read "Nature's" if that comforts you) way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon . Sometimes, Struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God ("Nature", for those who don’t believe in supreme power) allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Not only that, we could never fly.

(Source of story : Unknown)

Have a happy flight Farheena… you have squeezed enough power in your wings now. Wishing my dear girl a very happy 14th Birthday.

I am very happy to share the story of my hope and happiness to people who may feel overwhelmed by the challenges in their lives. Hang-on and fight with all your might! You will succeed.