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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Lifting the curtain


Lifting the curtain... An introduction to weird me

Like with everybody else, the main problem with me was; when the major decisions were made, I was gullible and open to wounds. When I had to make a beginning I lacked experience, courage and intelligence--- the knowledge we acquire through the lessons life teaches us. I was just a small girl very upset with almost everybody (especially God) because I felt they were being unfair to me. That girl of my past who is still upset is affecting my stance towards life today and also sort of forcing me to make the decisions to please others. It is time to find her talk to her and stop her from interfering in my present day affairs quickly for the time is running out. I will not have many more years left to find out what ‘I’ truly am. How God originally created me before all his other creations started meddling with me. So I start on journey to meet the skinny, dusky, very naughty, mischievous, disobedient and haughty little girl through those memories which have left their trace in my mind. There are few good memories and few bad ones. Both of them have a very strong influence on my present life.
Unfortunately I was a girl who unlike her innocent peers was smart enough to see, observe, understand many things and explain it to my elder sister and at times to my parents too. People around me were often ignorant of the fact that I was picking up every word they said, while appearing engrossed in the toys or books. So I knew way too many things of what was happening around and that wasn’t good for me. Let me find out how I felt back then.

May be I will understand my childhood better now because I love little children and have learnt to relate to their emotions. I love children without looking for the reasons to love them, may be in a way to compensate for the lack of love I felt in my own childhood. I love them because they deserve it, no matter how they are; smart, silly, tall, short, bookworms, lazy, girl, boy, naughty, disobedient, skinny, fat, mischievous……. No matter what label is attached to them, I love the kids. So I should be able to help my disturb childhood.

Back in my childhood, the school was the place I loved the most. In my memory, I travel back in time and I find myself sitting at my favorite spot and wondering about something, lost in my own fancy world. Not knowing there are people moving about throwing amusing glances at me wondering what such a small girl could be thinking so deeply.

 I never appreciated interference from people, as I always considered it an intrusion into my private world. As a result, I was never considered a friendly type of girl.  People had trouble talking to me. There was no conversation; it was either my tongue and their ears, or, arguments and debates. Seldom had I normal, casual conversations with people.

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