Isn't truth sometimes difficult to be accepted? I have lived in a land of denial for quite some time. At times, I have tried to forget things which do not make me happy.
I was a freak child for sure. I did not realize it until one fine day it occurred to me; that my reading newspapers when I was in II std was not normal. Also when I was in my III std, I used to help my dad do his accounts. He was in charge of the purchases for Joy Ice Creams Pvt. Ltd. Whitefield. When he was too tired to tally the account, I would do it for him. Everyone around me would say I am very studious and smart girl. But now, I know I was a freak. ;)
That part of freakiness is something positive, unfortunately I was a freak in negative terms too. I usually try to run away or hide from the truth of my childhood. I want to be the innocent, quite, behaved and loved child who is admired and praised by everyone around her. Not the fierce, rebellious and naughty girl. As the result of the hiding, truth keeps hitting me on the face most of the time and also the memories are refreshed time and again.
One fine day I decided I am going to deal with reality and also accept the truth. I am going to accept myself with all the naughtiness of my childhood. It is not a big sin to be a naughty, troublesome girl. If that was me, all right. If people around me suffered, may be they earned it in a hard way. The decision was wise because life has been much easier after that.
My life has had big turmoil like Cancer, Special needs child, losing family and friends to cancer and other major issues, but it is the trivial matters which should not have made an impact on my life at all, that has made a difference to me. Like an argument I had with my grandma 35 years ago still lingers in my mind. I felt sad and very much hurt when she said, I had been responsible for my Mom's suffering. I was born with a club foot. That is not a big deal.