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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Improve Your Parenting Skills – III


My kids were not answering me when I called them to come over for dinner. I had a tough day; deadlines to meet, argument with hubby and cleaning up of house waiting for me. I am not a pleasant lady when house work piles up on me. Upon that I had my son going away now and again, mysteriously sneaking out, since morning; without informing me neither about where he was going nor why he was going out for. His 10th standard midterm exams were just a few days away, and the boy instead of studying for the exams had been wasting away all his time being engaged in something silly. I was amazed that my daughter had joined him too.
I called over once again, “Hey kids, it is dinner time. Maa cannot wait for you till eternity. Come over here now”. I could hear my daughter whisper and then giggle. My son answered, “Yes, Maa, we will be there in a short while”. I lost my cool.  I stormed into the veranda to find them sitting on the wooden box which is something like an all purpose furniture, and peeking out of the window. I peeped along with them to find nothing. What is wrong with these kids anyway? I was losing my cool and told them sternly, “No long while and no short while, I want you here now”. With that I had them slowly and reluctantly coming over to the table and sitting down to have their supper. I gave them a big lecture on how to behave, how to be responsible blah blah blah! They silently had their food and cleaned up after them. I got engrossed in my work after that and soon fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to find a very nicely packed bar of my favorite chocolate along with a painting from my daughter and card from my son greeting me. The dear boy had been running around to order a cake, find the biggest bar Diary Milk Chocolate and find decorations for my present, which came from his and Farheena’s pocket money.  To top it my daughter had made an amazing painting and card for me. I had totally forgotten it was my birthday!
I was so upset with them the day before, but I was touched by their love now. I am glad I was not very tough on them. I had almost lost my cool and was about to pull them by their ears to the dining table, but something a voice inside me said, “Watch out Maa, you may regret this later!” Thank God I listened to that voice.
How often we parents hurt our children in haste and then regret it forever? We parents get annoyed quickly with our children than with any other person we are dealing in our lives.
Not always it would be a secret surprise the kids are planning for us, it could well be their favorite game or a (face)book that is keeping them tied to the spot. Every parent has had trouble making the children move away from an activity in which they have been engrossed. Breaking cups, spilling water, knocking over your precious show piece, getting low scores in exams are all a part of our children’s growing up days. Punishment for those actions is an option and the choice is in our hands.  
 No wonder we, who have lots on our hand, get annoyed. We yell and hurt their little hearts and furthermore we feel the action was justified. Are our actions really justified? No, I don’t expect an answer for that question, neither an explanation. It is something I think; parents should ponder over when they are feeling happy and content with life, and especially with the kids.
As parents, it is very important to count up to 100 before getting annoyed with our children. Patience is one of the key ingredients in the recipe for happy parenting. It has been more than five years since the incident happened, but I have not let myself forget how bitter I felt for a while when they did not come over to have their dinner when I called them. It gives me more patience and strength when I deal with children.


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14 comments:

  1. Interesting post Farila. I have seen many parents losing their cool and being angry with their children. I feel children learn by example and as such will behave exactly the same way as their parents when they grow up. Parents need to be cautious and think before they do something..

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    1. Off course.. it is a tough job being parents but then we do get well rewarded :)

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  2. Sigh I have lost my cool so often, but then I apologize equally fast ... Hope they have forgiven me

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    1. They do.. I feel children cannot carry grudges against their parents

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  3. We are so engrossed in the nitty-gritty of everyday life that we fail to see things from their position in life -- full of joy, sense of discovery and love. And yes, we are always abashed in hindsight, always sorry we let it fly at them. And yes, their memories are short on such things, but long on the love we give them.

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  4. Moms are human too - prone to stress, anxiety. I have lost count of the number of times I have snapped at Tee and regretted it later. But I have learnt to sorry :-)

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  5. Very true, there often can exist a different side to things that we might be overlooking giving us a false impression of the entire situation. Losing cool or shouting at kids without taking any efforts to picture the entire scenario (taking into account their point of view as well) can be fatal to a healthy parent-child relationship.

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  6. Farila Ma'm,

    It was a great honour to meet you and your children at the Indiblogger meet. Do continue inspiring us and guiding us with your posts.

    Thanks,
    Mahesh from Chennai

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  7. HI, I completely agree with you. It does take a lot of patience specially after a tired day but as parents we have to take a deep breath and be patient with them. Easier said than done but certainly more benefits to reap!

    ReplyDelete

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