Just a day in bringing up Farheena.. #LessonsOfLife - 1

It was a lazy Sunday evening when all children were out playing. I had the enormous task of keeping Farheena engaged in Byndoor, where our outdoor activities were limited. I had to come up with ideas to keep her engaged especially in the evening when everyone, including Rayyan was out playing in the field. Fortunately, I had my friends from Ladybirds who would give me different ideas and also connect with her through Video calls.

On this day, I gave her beads to work with. I was intently watching my daughter trying to pass the string through the colourful beads she had spread in front of her. She was trying to make a necklace for her doll Baby Jay. It was heart wrenching for me to see her struggle with her eye/hand co-ordination, where as we could do it effortlessly. I usually keep the smile up and never show her my concern. Not an easy task but I have become expert at it.

At this moment my mobile rang and I picked up the phone to hear my sister gushing about her son's achievement. He had won a competition organized by Horlicks. I could not concentrate well on what she was saying because one of the beads had fallen down and my daughter was searching for it.. .. it was right there and I wanted to point it out, but then that takes away all the fun. Rule number one with me, with all children is – Never interrupt them unless they ask you for help. Even then, first give guidance before helping. So I waited while listening to my sister on the phone… ahhhh…there she found it.. Yeah back to what my sister was saying.. he was one the cutest kids and everyone praised him there. I can agree because he was great looking child. I congratulated her and told her to tell her son I am so proud of him. She asked me “Hey aren’t you interested in what I am saying? You seem to be absent-minded?” Off course she could sense that I was not totally into the conversation though my nephew’s achievement meant a lot to me. I told her my daughter was making a chain of beads and I was amazed at her talent.  I am sure that must have shocked a mom whose son had just won a big competition but then she loves Farheena and went about asking more details about her activity.

How many of us realize that we all have our limits and anyone who can do his/her best is a real champion. It is not just the result but also the effort counts. My daughter was putting all her heart into making a necklace for her doll and according to me it was no less effort than a child winning a big competition.

I used to be a tennis buff and watch every match telecast, that was before I got dedicated to my bringing up my kids. I was sports lover in my pre-motherhood era. Many write off Ivan Lendl as a player who never won Wimbledon but for me he was the greatest Wimbledon champion back then because no player had ever put in as much effort to win that title as he had done. His style and game was dead against him winning the tournament but he did the best anyone could ever do. People will never agree with me and I accept their non-acceptance of my view.

I was not visible to my daughter; neither did she hear our conversation. Her focus and concentration level is quite high. She was totally engrossed in her work. I loved her dedication. Finally when she was reaching the end I got another call from my friend whose son had won a local cricket match. Looks like it was a day of achievements. It was that time of the year when competitions are held for children all around Bangalore. Many people know my love for children and they usually share their success with me. She was gushing as to how good sportsman he is, what bright future she could visualize for him blah blah blah .. Like my sister after sometime she realized I was not totally into the conversation and wondered why all of sudden I had changed. I told her I was watching another great sportsperson and excused myself from the call at the risk of being labelled an envious mom. I had to, not because I was not interested in what she was saying but my champion had finally finished her masterpiece and needed my help to tie the loose ends. She was worried that the beads may come out if she tried to move.

I am very sure those two proud moms did not understand what it meant for me to watch my daughter do something with total dedication… she may not be champion by the standard of the world but to me her every milestone means a lot. At the same time, I don’t undermine the achievements of those two lovely children. 

Baby Jay was finally garlanded and honoured and she clicked the moment to preserve it in her album …..

This was the day I realized the futility of my own competitive spirit. I always believed “Winning isn’t everything but second place sucks”. Every person has their own talents, skills and levels. Putting one person in competition with other is neither fair nor required. The only person I should compete should be with myself. Those who have been my co-students will vouch how hard I study even when I have white hairs on my head. I still try very hard to be best, but I don’t compare myself with others much. I stop myself from fretting over results, though it happens occasionally.

Slowly with practice and patience, Farheena became good at stringing beads. Yesterday, when I asked her to make a bracelet, she quickly did a good job of it and an hour long break I was looking at ended in 5 minutes. That is the competition she should win and she does.

I begin with this story because Farheena is the simple human being who shows me simplicity of life. The stories will simple in their nature and not some great achievements or miracles, though some could be of those standards if you look at them from right viewpoint.

Thinking about Farheena and writing about her is always pleasant. I know it is going to be tough emotionally at times but also a relief more often.

Farheena the Artist

Farheena the acrobat...

100 Rays of Son

Rayyan is a blessing to people around him. I am sure no one will disagree with me. He has been very different from people I have seen or known. He is very patient, calm, kind, helpful and wise. 
Slowly from a mom who loved him blindly, I have grown to like, appreciate and moreover respect him for who he is. 
I want to share 100 life stories of Rayyan starting from today, counting down to his birthday on August 20th.

An Enigma called Farheena

When Farheena was just 8 weeks old, I realised that she will have special needs. The diagnosis predicted she wouldn’t be able to see, walk or talk. Hearing those words is the most scariest thing I have experienced in my whole life. Back then I fiercely wanted to fix this mistake and make my baby alright. Slowly, as life in on, I realised that it is not her, but me and the world around her that needs fixing.
I admire achievers, but there is something very appealing about Farheena. The only way I can vaguely describe her is like being the prasadam among platter of delicious dishes, or like holy water among the bottles of various drinks. I see that she brings out the best in people.
I still remember the day it all started. May 10, 1996 I started experiencing labour pains 12 days earlier than my due date. 18 hours later, I saw a peaceful baby on 11th May, who turned out to be Farheena.
Many see my parenting as a sacrifice, but honestly either all parenting is sacrifice or none of it is.
Farheena is a lovely human being who cannot hide her emotions. She also has sensitiveness to pain, be it physical or emotional in others. She has different perception of things around us. There have been times when I have felt some people are so lucky and happy, when Farheena has told me otherwise. Once, she insisted that a person was in pain, tremendous pain even when she was smiling. Later, it turned out Farheena was right.
No one can imagine what a blessing her presence has been to me. When blinded by false beliefs, we suffer for things that do not even exist. It was Farheena who freed me from most of it, along with her amazing brother. I had no problem being dependent on my husband financially and may be that is the way it would have been forever, if not for Farheena. I fought cancer hard because I wanted to be with her and I feel she is highly responsible for my survival. Off course Rayyan was just 4, but he was very easy going child and anyone could take care him. Farheena was different. Medical tests, physiotherapy, exercises, stimulations, massage,…….. The list was big. Only a mom could do it. So I said 'NO' to death; cancer or no cancer, I did not care. The cost of her medical needs pushed me towards earning. For better earning, I studied. To be there with her on time, I started driving two wheeler. I became more alert. Too keep her safe, I learned about what dangers children face. Later, I helped others in creating awareness.
Being a parent has been exhausting at times. Very rarely I have had short breaks from parenting, maximum being the week long break for my cancer treatment. But honestly, it is worth it and much more.
Today when I look back, I see myself a much better person than I was when I gave birth to Farheena. Wanting to do things for her, I only ended up improving myself. Today, I have no regrets personally, but I have a dream to make our society more acceptable towards people with special needs. Thank you Farheena for giving me a better life.

Being a Mom - Reposting

One of the hundreds of loving moments which makes life worth living...

 When I was thoroughly enjoying Sidney Sheldon’s ‘Tell Me Your Dreams’, I was intrigued by the multiple personalities of Ashley Paterson. It was unbelievable that a person could have a diverse personality inside their psyche, that was until my own alternate personality took over me. My alternate personality was called ‘Maa’ and it was completely opposite of what I was. The advantage I had over Ashley was that, I was aware of both the sides of these personalities and could interact with them. I am spared the mystery at least! Whew.

What Do We Want From Our Children? II

In today’s world when every parent wants their kids to be all rounder and want to fulfill their dreams through them. This courageous mother realized that her son’s happiness and contentment was more important than the ambition of having an all around performer. This post has been picked up by Rekha.

So after seeing the contribution of my daughter to my life in my post What Do We Want From Our Children?, let us now see what my son has contributed to my life. Let me introduce you people to Rayyan once again after bragging about him on his birthday.

Happy Birthday My Dear Son

I wish you many returns of the day Animator Rayyan.. 

Sometimes it takes just a simple comment from a stranger to make you realize the truth that has been staring at you all through, but still escaped your attention. One such incident happened around 15 years ago.

I used to regularly visit a shop with my children, especially Rayyan to buy toys and snacks. It was run by a very friendly couple, who with passing time became good friends with us. I learned from them that due to some medical condition, the wife could not conceive, but they had resigned happily to their life without children and hence did not consider adoption. I could see the unconditional love they had for each other and being childless did not much bother them. One day as we were chatting, they said something which made a huge difference to my attitude towards Rayyan. What the couple said was, “Many people visit our shop with their children for shopping. Usually the children are so inconsiderate and demanding that we feel glad as we do not have to deal with such children in our lives. It is only when you bring Rayyan here that we regret not having a son like him in our lives, or else being childless doesn't seem that bad at all. You are very lucky to have a son like him”. It was a simple sentence, uttered casually, but it touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

It was as though the curtain was lifted and I could see what a blessing my child was. He was so calm and peaceful, never troubling me, not demanding anything, in fact refusing to buy something if he found it was priced high. I grew up assuming I was a perfect child, who every parent would love to have, because I worked very hard to be successful. But all of a sudden I realized that, what parents want is not high achieving child, but a child who loves, cares and makes life bearable for them. That is what Rayyan is. Even at the tender age of 5, he was a silent support for me during my cancer days. He was always ready to help me with house work, taking care of Farheena, running errands and many more. I am not sure that I did all that for parents in my childhood. All I did was to work harder to get more marks or win some competition, therefore I feel, though my parents felt proud with my achievements, they may never have experienced the pleasantness that I feel around Rayyan.

Every year I ask Rayyan what he would want for his birthday, and he always says, “Nothing Maa, I have everything I want in my life”, though, he lovingly buys me wonderful presents for my birthdays.

I have learned to know the goodness in my son and love him unconditionally, which is what he well deserves. Today I sincerely pray to God to give him health, wealth, love, happiness and success in his life.  He is the best son anyone can have.

Improve Your Parenting Skills – III

My kids were not answering me when I called them to come over for dinner. I had a tough day; deadlines to meet, argument with hubby and cleaning up of house waiting for me. I am not a pleasant lady when house work piles up on me. Upon that I had my son going away now and again, mysteriously sneaking out, since morning; without informing me neither about where he was going nor why he was going out for. His 10^th standard midterm exams were just a few days away, and the boy instead of studying for the exams had been wasting away all his time being engaged in something silly. I was amazed that my daughter had joined him too.

I called over once again, “Hey kids, it is dinner time. Maa cannot wait for you till eternity. Come over here now”. I could hear my daughter whisper and then giggle. My son answered, “Yes, Maa, we will be there in a short while”. I lost my cool.  I stormed into the veranda to find them sitting on the wooden box which is something like an all purpose furniture, and peeking out of the window. I peeped along with them to find nothing. What is wrong with these kids anyway? I was losing my cool and told them sternly, “No long while and no short while, I want you here now”. With that I had them slowly and reluctantly coming over to the table and sitting down to have their supper. I gave them a big lecture on how to behave, how to be responsible blah blah blah! They silently had their food and cleaned up after them. I got engrossed in my work after that and soon fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up to find a very nicely packed bar of my favorite chocolate along with a painting from my daughter and card from my son greeting me. The dear boy had been running around to order a cake, find the biggest bar Diary Milk Chocolate and find decorations for my present, which came from his and Farheena’s pocket money.  To top it my daughter had made an amazing painting and card for me. I had totally forgotten it was my birthday!

I was so upset with them the day before, but I was touched by their love now. I am glad I was not very tough on them. I had almost lost my cool and was about to pull them by their ears to the dining table, but something a voice inside me said, “Watch out Maa, you may regret this later!” Thank God I listened to that voice.

How often we parents hurt our children in haste and then regret it forever? We parents get annoyed quickly with our children than with any other person we are dealing in our lives.

Not always it would be a secret surprise the kids are planning for us, it could well be their favorite game or a (face)book that is keeping them tied to the spot. Every parent has had trouble making the children move away from an activity in which they have been engrossed. Breaking cups, spilling water, knocking over your precious show piece, getting low scores in exams are all a part of our children’s growing up days. Punishment for those actions is an option and the choice is in our hands.  

 No wonder we, who have lots on our hand, get annoyed. We yell and hurt their little hearts and furthermore we feel the action was justified. Are our actions really justified? No, I don’t expect an answer for that question, neither an explanation. It is something I think; parents should ponder over when they are feeling happy and content with life, and especially with the kids.

As parents, it is very important to count up to 100 before getting annoyed with our children. Patience is one of the key ingredients in the recipe for happy parenting. It has been more than five years since the incident happened, but I have not let myself forget how bitter I felt for a while when they did not come over to have their dinner when I called them. It gives me more patience and strength when I deal with children.

Jumpin has recently launched a new video " http://bit.ly/jumpinNaniVsNaani " titled ‘NaniVsNaani Faceoff’. It is a very entertaining and has brought back the much-loved song of yester-years, “Nani teri morni ko mor le gayi..”.

As a part of the CSR initiative, Jumpin has come up with a ‘Share the Video’ campaign where for every share of the video, Jumpin will donate INR 2 to the NGO Save The Children. Save the Children is the world’s leading independent organization for children that works to inspire breakthroughs in the way the world treats children to achieve immediate and lasting change in their lives

Share the video and help Save the Children

http://www.youtube.com/user/JumpinitsFun/

https://www.facebook.com/JumpinisFun/ 

Farheena’s New School and Smile on Her Face.

After struggling a lot for past three years, finally I have been able to convince my husband and bring Farheena to Bangalore. We both miss our Dina School of Special Education and Rehabilitation, as we were a part of it from its conception. Regrettably, it is a sad situation where the parents, teachers, and other members of society are not much interested in special education in a village. It was tough to make improvement s in the school as the management could not find good teachers, physiotherapists and other faculties to work there.

Farheena was also getting withdrawn into herself and talking to her imaginary friend because she could not mingle out much in the village society. People failed to understand her there and she started moving away from them. With Rayyan shifting to Bangalore, pursuing his dream of becoming an animator; Farheena was fast turning into a female Chuck Noland with me acting like Wilson. I was in a panicky mood and therefore started building up heat to shift to Bangalore so that she could be back with her brother and family (aunts, cousins and uncles).

Being Google brained nowadays, I searched online for schools nearby to Arena Animation and came across FAME India. You can know more about this school on their website http://www.fameindia.org/.

I was impressed with facilities like therapies, education and life skills programs. Here is a brief about their programs

Ankura:   Early Intervention and early stimulation services for Children with developmental delays aimed at helping children above the age of two in acquiring skills required for future learning in different areas based on their strengths and weaknesses. Parents are trained to be co therapists with the multi disciplinary team of Special Educator, Speech therapist, Physiotherapist/occupation therapist, social worker.

Aarambh:   Pre-school program for children in the age group of 6 to 10 years to develop pre learning skills through individual sessions and group activities.

Utpal I,II and III:   Caters to the needs of children in the age group of 10-14 years with emphasis on enhancing skills that are essential for activities of daily living, motor skills, cognitive skills(pre academic skills), communication skills and play skills.

Utthappan:   Functional academics are taught in the areas of language, numbers, money, time along with developing appropriate social and interpersonal skills.

Samarth I,II,III:   These 3 sections are for the students in the age group of 14 to 18 years. They are taught functional academics along with pre vocational skills such as weighing, measuring, needle work, paper bag making, painting, photocopying, scanning, lamination data entry and other similar activities.

Karuna:   Respite care for children who are non ambulatory. The aim is to maintain the learnt skills.

Uttejana:   Awareness programs in schools and colleges to educate children about issues pertaining to disability.

It was not easy for me to shift to Bangalore. The expenses would more than double up for me. I did not have to pay house rent, or school fees for Farheena back there. In Bangalore, not only the living expenses would shoot up, but also I had to pay rent of 7,000 and shell out another extra 5,000 rupees for Farheena’s education. It was tough convincing my husband to agree for the change. I used alternate methods of putting pressure and cajoling until he finally gave in and agreed to make arrangements for our shifting. But as usual he will do where he thinks he has reached the limit, whatever happens after that I am responsible. It was scary, but I decided to jump into the well the check its depth.

So finally the house hunt began. We found a home near open forest. We finally bid goodbye to Byndoor after 10 years and came over to our new home. There was a scary moment for me when I was not sure of getting admission for Farheena in FAME India. There was some mess up and confusion regarding communication I had with a person there who had assured me that her admission is secure and I can visit them after 11^th June.

Let me not ponder over it as ‘All is well that ends Well”. Farheena is in FAME India and very happy with her new school, her teacher and her friends. She is fast becoming more active. She twice came with me to a nearby grocery store to shop for household things. She has found an amazing girl in FAME India, Manjushree from administrative department, who is available in reception with her bright face welcoming us, with whom Farheena is bonding fast. Farheena falls in love quickly and Manjushree is the one now. I find her chatting with her on facebook also.

When I took Farheena for admission, few things were noticed by the Mom in me. One of the most positive things I saw was the way the H.M. treated her with respect. Love is easy when it comes to Farheena, but respect for her wishes is tough. During her interview with Farheena Madam Kalaivani was talking about the importance of making Farheena independent. I mentioned the toughest part was allowing her comb her hair as it is thick, and long. I casually asked her whether we should go for a shorter cut for Farheena. It was my cunning way of testing the person to whom I was going to hand over Farheena. She replied “No, let her have her long tresses if she loves them. It is her choice”. That satisfied me as she was the person who respected Farheena’s decision to have long hair or whatever she felt comfortable with.

Not many people know that even special needs people have right to make their own decisions. Many have advised me to do certain things to Farheena so that her life and care taking would be easy, without even giving a thought to how Farheena might feel. So I am sure Farheena is in the right hands. The smile on her face and lengthy chat she has with me after coming back from school proves how happy she is there. Send your good wishes for her new venture to be successful for her.

NOTE: There is going to be garage sale in the school premises on 21^st of July. You can visit and make the event a grand success.

 

Make World A Better Place For Differently Enabled People

The time to bring about a positive change in the world around us has been long due .. may be for centuries now.  It is tough for a person to choose a particular or specific change when you see the world around you.  Violence, terrorism, crimes, litter in streets, the paan stains, domestic violence, child abuse, education system, bribery, communal divisions, stinking politics, discrimination in name of gender, caste, status… Whew! I cannot stop to take a breath as the list of things keep hitting my thoughts.

I have to calm down, take a deep breath and concentrate on one thing that hurts me the most and the situation I would like to change as much as possible. Also I want it to be a problem that I can do something about. No use howling at the moon... which is beyond my reach (?). Deep breathing works, the picture becomes clear and I can see now what I would love to change in the world around me. It is the Indian attitude towards differently enabled people or just people who are generally different from us. 

Many of us must have experienced the looks, chatters and rumors that go around when you are even slightly different from the mob around us. Be it the dressing style, color of skin, pock marks on face, hair styles, pimples  or even slight limp, it is good enough to attract the attention of Indian people.  You don’t have to perform Herculean tasks in India to get the attention of the mob. In my childhood, riding the bicycle got me enough attention, that is was good enough for my parents to stop me from enjoying a fun ride in the evening.

Not many hesitate to stare and embarrass people in India. NO! They do not feel it is indecent to stare at someone. Some will even go ahead and ask questions as to what is wrong with the person. Recently I was shocked when an elderly man asked a young girl in the bus, whether she had tried fair and lovely? I thought he must be her grandpa or something; imagine my shock when he got down in the next stop giving her a wicked smile. I have no clue why the girl put up with such nonsense silently like a TV put on mute.

The portrayal of intellectually challenged people in our Bollywood cinema is disgusting. What is comedy about being IC? Is that something to laugh about? I don’t know how far our society is affected by our cinema but sure there are residues left behind by such portrayals. When they steal action scenes, music, and stories from Hollywood, why can’t they learn from them to create differently enabled characters in our Bollywood movies?

There is no line of privacy drawn when it comes to Indians. We want to talk about schools, grades, dress codes, marriage, divorce, and everything that would be considered personal in other nations.  Imagine the situation of differently gifted or special needs people in this scenario.

I have had personal experience with myself where I dealt with my club foot and limp in my childhood, and then with developmental hindrances faced by my daughter and dyslexia of my son (something I avoid discussing because I don’t want him to be branded now; since, he has been able to escape a name tag so far and he can do it for his own good in future).

In my childhood, I had to face a lot of teasing and jeering from other children and also by elders. Why go far, my grandma would say at times when I was being naughty, “God did not make you limp for no reason, if you had straight feet you would be out of everyone’s reach”.  When I think back about it, I feel so angry because that was such a wrong thing to say to a child who is yet to understand such remarks.  Often I did very well in my studies and sadly instead of being appreciated, I would be accused of being sympathized and shown partiality by teachers.  It was easy handling me even when I was young, because God had given me strong personality to face people and throw their tantrums off my tough hide. Nothing deterred or penetrated deep inside me.  I cannot say the same when I had to deal with the problems faced by my child. All my raw nerves were exposed for the world to hurt me and they did with a vengeance for failing earlier. Initially, I hid behind steely masks not giving them the pleasure of success; but then slowly I myself turned into steel and became stronger to face them and give better life for my child.

I do my bit everyday to bring the change in the attitude of the people towards special needs people in general and girls in particular. I wish that more and more people would join the cause to spread awareness and bring about a change. Many countries have seen the change and I have myself witnessed it in USA.  

Farheena was a happy go lucky girl in USA. She wore a smile and confident look most of the time when she went out there, which sadly disappeared once she came back to India. People who see her pictures from USA at times have trouble recognising her to be the same shy, withdrawn girl they see her to be now.  The big difference has happened just by the way people respond and react to her.

I feel sad that she could walk around happily in the Wal-Mart, Publix and other malls without caring as to who is looking at her, which she cannot do now. In USA she so often welcomed strangers with a ‘hi’  and they readily waved back a big ‘HI’ to her, which at times was leading to quite some communication with Paula, my friend as a mediator. No one treated her as a special needs girl there; she was just a special girl enjoying all the love and attention she deserved from people. There were some special people like Tysha, who went out of her way to show how much she appreciated and loved Farheena, though we met as strangers.

 Back in India, most of the time Farheena is pushed into silence by people asking what she is saying over and over again, or discussing what is wrong with her without even realizing they are hurting her emotionally. They ask questions just because they have to satisfy their curiosity. They need not bother, as they very well know that they cannot help her in anyway. At least they could allow her to be herself without having to make her a topic of the chat.

Words heal and words hurt. Use your words wisely and mind what you say to people around you. Everyone has a heart that hurts. 

At times I have to be rude to stop people from being silly and acting silly towards Farheena. I had prepared a list earlier, which if people read to improve their behavior would make the life of differently enabled people a lot better. When you check this out, you will realize how unnecessarily we are adding to the burden of the special needs people which can be avoided so easily.

Please bring about a positive change in the world around us so that everyone gets to live happily and securely here. If you actually do not want to do something that is fine, but please take care to avoid doing certain things which would be a great help in itself.

Do Not......

·     Build a flight of stairs up to your front door. My daughter goes through so much of extra effort everyday to enter our home. Many grand buildings in India have been built without keeping the people in wheelchairs in mind.

·         Tell a special needs person that they are better off dead or ask stupid questions like ‘Why did God do this to you?’ If God has done this then, he should be having the answer. It is said that people meet God after death. Please try that route. The special needs people may not highly benefit the society but then they mean no harm to anyone either. Why aren’t those questions posed to the harmful people in our society? No one asks that to the rapists, murderers, crooks etc! Amazing is the mind of the people around us. Sigh!

·         Remind special needs child about their special schools and mention about how unfortunate the children going to those schools are.

·         Make the mother the sole responsible caretaker of the child.

·         Avoid talking directly to the challenged child, but talk about them to someone nearby assuming they have no ears, eyes, intelligence and heart to hurt.

·         Always ask what is wrong with the child and how, when, where did it happen blah blah blah… Why do you need to know all the details? Can you help in anyway?

·         Tell the parents or special people themselves that they have to find a solution to their condition no matter how much money it will cost. Do they actually need to hear this from others?

·         Introduce a challenged person to someone as the one suffering from such and such condition and portray them as victims of curse. We often hear the “Ayyo Karma .. Karma” mutterings from so called know all smart ones.

·         At times people ask about Farheena as though they have heard about her condition already and she realizes that people discuss her. No. She is not happy about this. Don’t make the special needs people conscious of their condition and make them feel that they are gossiped about by people.

·         You need not patronize them either. Treat them as normal people because they are normal. Find the definition of abnormal in a good dictionary and know what it is.

 

• ·         One smart quote says that “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former”. I am sure about the truth in that quote after listening to people who have complained that special needs people take so much from the society and relatives giving back nothing in return. Once a lady told me not feed Farheena much, because if she got heavy it would be tough for me to handle her. It was a time when I used to carry her around. I am so glad Farheena is my daughter and not hers.
  ·         What is the need to proudly flash your knowledge in front of the special needs people about their conditions? Many people confuse mental illness, mental retardation, and other such ailments but never try to keep quite on the issues. They want to talk about every person they know with a certain ailment, every doctor they have heard about or every book they have read on that particular topic. Why not try your GK with Amitabh Bacchan on KBC?
  ·         Complain that people with challenging behavior are just naughty or blame the parents for not teaching proper behavior to their children. It is not easy to be a parent to ADHD children. I may not have personal experience, but have closely watched the struggle of the mothers with hyper active children.
  ·         There is no need for every person under the sun to know personal details about anyone and that includes differently enabled people. Don’t ask extremely personal questions relating to menstruation, hygiene etc.
  ·         When they achieve something it is through hard work and not by luck. Avoid saying you were lucky to achieve that.
  ·         Show exaggerated sympathies along with the typical tongue clicking and feel great about yourself… It is not helping anyone people. Keep those sympathies for yourself. Special needs people need empathy and not sympathy.
  ·         Resist asking stupid questions like “Does she eat?” God! How do you think she is surviving?
  ·         Special needs people have emotions and feelings, may be stronger than what we realize. My daughter doesn’t talk fluently, but that doesn’t mean she cannot think. At times she has come out with amazing comments about people who ask silly questions in front of her.
  ·         Argue in front of the concerned child whether the money being spent on treating them is really worth or not.
  ·         Mention that they don’t have to struggle with studies and homework, how lucky they are. Think over it in silence once again.
  ·         Complain how easy life is when your Mom is doing everything for you.
  ·         Bring in God into the issue and remind the people that may be they are being punished for their past sins. No one has spoken to God and heard that personally from him. We are not great enough to make assumptions on his behalf.
  ·         Give them stares and make them feel uncomfortable. This is the worst thing we face in India.
  ·         Insist on assisting a person even when they flatly refuse to be helped. Respect their choices and decisions.
  ·         Touch them without their permission. Not many like to be patted on the head or touched on cheek.
  ·         Lean on their wheel chair when you talk with someone else.
  ·         FINALLY, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR INNOCENCE. It is terribly wrong to take advantage of a special needs person in anyway

Many people say that I am earning favor of God and good Karma by taking care of my daughter. I don’t want to hear about the good karma. To hell with your heaven, people.  I don’t give a damn about that. All that matters to me is my daughter and I love her. 

My friend Madonna says, “I firmly believe that those spirits who choose to come to this earth with a disability are the strongest, most advanced spirits of all. They are teachers, here to show the rest of us the real meaning of love and compassion. Every time I see one of them, I am humbled by their selflessness and their ability to love others in spite of the obstacles they face in this world. They are not to be pitied or treated with contempt, impatience or irritation. They are here for a purpose...to teach us to love unconditionally”. She is absolutely right there.

Many years ago, I had read an article in newspaper and typed it out to read once in a while when I needed to change myself.

A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all with special needs assembled at the starting line for the 100-metres dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. After running a little distance a boy stumbled on the asphalt, fell down and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. They all turned around and went back. Every one of them!

One girl with Down’s syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, “This will make it better.” All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together.

Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning or living for ourselves. What truly matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.

We need to learn and change the world to make it a better place for everyone.

Farheena .. The special princess for my friends in USA

LEARNING DISABILITY– The Silent Tormentor - Part -1

 My son Rayyan has started blogging recently. He wanted to write about his animation course and his experience of learning there. Somehow he decided to write how he finally got to choose the profession he always loved, by going through the struggles in his school and college. Though I was a caring and loving Mom, I am getting a closer glimpse to what he has been through by reading it in his own words. 

So I am dedicating this present post to introduce the readers to Learning Disabilities which may help them to stop another child from being tormented like Rayyan  was. I did my best to be there and support him all through his struggles but it has been very tough for him. 

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