Friday, September 18, 2009

Missing My Dad

I am an orphan now. I have lost my parents, first my mom in 2006 and dad in 2009 and even at 42, the feeling is terribly sad…Losing your parents is never easy and it leaves you with a feeling you haven’t done enough for them after all they have done for you. I feel that way.
This is brief introduction to my dad. He was from a poor family and very naughty kid. His father was a man with immense knowledge of herbal medicines and many people in Byndoor tell tales about how he saved people on whom even doctors had given up all hopes. They remember him with great respect even to this day. Unfortunately his children did not learn the trade from him. My dadi would also prepare home remedies for people
His family were also famous in Indian style of wrestling. . My Dad was sent away to my Mom’s uncle who had returned from London after working there for many years. He was rich and famous (he was the first person to travel to Europe from Byndoor). He worked at my Moms uncle’s farm, while continuing with his studies.
My dad used to run errands for my Moms family, as a result of this they came across each other often. My Mom and Dad fell in love at a very young age. There was lot of opposition from my Mom’s family but eventually they married lived together for more than 50 years until my Mom lost her battle with cancer. They were an example of the saying opposites attract. My Mom coming from a rich extravagant family could not adjust to the austere ways my dad expected. By hook or crook she would get her own ways and upset him. Once Mom wanted something we all knew Dad will give in to her wishes finally. They never lived away from each other for long. Though my dad had opportunity to go to gulf to earn more money, my Mom never agreed and he was not willing to move away from his family too.
Mom was religious but did not say her prayers regularly. My Dad was religious person who never missed a single prayer (he prayed 5 times a day with some additional prayers) until 8 days before his death. So, that was the first signal. He passed away at 6 in the morning. I had been with him the night before until 11.45 P.M. and tried to communicate with him. He looked tired but not near to death. He held my hand for 5 minutes or so and kept looking into my eyes. When I asked him whether he wanted to tell me something he said he is going away... that’s all. He went to sleep and never woke up.
He had a caretaker with him for past 6 months. She and my sister-in-law stayed with him while I had to come back to Farheena. Early in the morning I was getting ready to go back to my sister in laws home, when she called up asking me to come over because he was not breathing properly. I was there in 10 minutes but he just had two breaths left. The way he looked into my eyes for 5 minutes will always haunt me...
My Mom was very loving and giving person where as Dad was strict and disciplinarian. He also wanted us to pray regularly and work hard. He wanted good marks on the report cards .. He wanted us to speak clear and good English. Though not highly educated his spellings were perfect and his writing quite beautiful. He thought me how to write one of the reason why people say I have beautiful handwriting. He was very proud of my handwriting and always showed it off to people he knew. He always trusted my interpretation of the news paper and made me read it out to him even when I was a small kid. He was happy with my disciplinarian ways and marks but not happy with my refusal to accept traditional religious practices.
Even with the differences we had, I was the only kid he was very close to and confided in about many things he dared not share with rest of the family. He trusted me always. He would at times tell me about the money he has put aside to buy a plot and build a house and swear me to secrecy, only to let the secret out in few weeks. My Mom would find a way to spend the money wisely according to her LOL. Also I was the only child of the family who loved Mom and Dad equally. Rest were very partial to Mom which made him a bit sad and angry.
When I had to shift to Byndoor from Bangalore he accompanied me and helped me settle down in the village environment. Without him it was sort of impossible task. He stayed with me for few months and helped me learn to pull water from the well, make fire with wood, where to shop, where to picnic etc. He loved Byndoor.
He was very good sports person in his days. Was never bed ridden until I went to USA. Being sick never stopped him from his walks in the morning and evening. Neither did the weather. I know how painful it must have been for him to be confined to the inside of the house for past 16 months. It was very painful to see him with bed sores.... His death was very peaceful.. he just stopped breathing in his sleep. He lost the sense of pain in the last 4 days of his life. He wanted to die in Byndoor and be buried along with his ancestors. Also he wanted to die in Ramzan. Amazingly in his death all his wishes were fulfilled.
Like Farheena said - it is very sad we cannot see him but good he need not suffer anymore and God sure will take better care of him than we ever can. Wise words from her...

Mom and Dad enjoying an evening together outside our home .........


  1. I'm sorry for your loss.

    And yes...wise words from Farheena

  2. Infinite Love and Gratitude to you and the relationship you had with your father. As you continue to reflect on the loss of his physical body, you will receive many blessings reflecting the love and beauty of the lives you shared. And, I'm sure you know from your Mom's passing, they are not really gone, they are always with you in spirit. They may visit you in your dreams or intuition. My best to you. You honor your parents by the words and work you do.

  3. I struggle with this and am so sorry for your loss.

  4. Memories keep haunting but Life is to move ahead.

  5. Hi .. I am just 25 and it has already been 2 and a half years since I lost my mother to cancer. I know how sad it is to lose your parents. My condolences are with you.

    May they rest in peace.


  6. Hey it was a very good post , I understand the pain , that is caused by the death . Death leaves you blind and empty , That it removes the most cherished people of our life from us . It makes the separation painful for our soul . But dear farida , you must understand ... that death is as much part of life as birth . . You must accept people s right to die ...they would die as very happy , as children like you make them feel proud and meaningful

  7. Beautiful gave us a glimpse into how your father was..

    I am very sorry for your loss...but I am glad to know you remember your parents so fondly...

  8. My condolences ... May God give you the strength to bear your loss

  9. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your loved one, may God shower his blessings upon you and your family.

  10. I struggle with this and am so sorry for your loss.

  11. Very sorry for your loss, Farida. Thanks for sharing your memories with such beautiful prose.


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