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Friday, August 12, 2016

One Step at a Time

The story of my little princess who took one step at a time to reach her life goals
Many miles are covered and destinations reached when you take one step at a time. By bringing up my special needs daughter Farheena, this is one of the most important life lessons I have learned from the chapters of my life.
When doctors announced that my pretty as picture baby would not be able to walk, talk or live her life fully, the shock was terrible for me and my family. Why my baby? The inevitable question was asked by me, like many moms do; but, who can answer that question? Soon it was time for taking the right steps and making life as good as possible for her instead of finding answers or playing the blame game.
I could not change the past, but I could change the present and future for my daughter. I decided to hold on to hope, not blind faith or superstitions, but only HOPE and give the best life for my daughter.
The first step was a big one for me to take. It is accepting the truth and accepting my daughter for who she is. I made a promise that I would not compromise with her life, no matter how much I had to change myself, my family and people around me to give a better life for Farheena. I have to confess that I got things done my way by hook or crook at times. No guilt here!

Oil massage was a part of her therapy

Rayyan, my first born who was the apple of everyone’s eye, could not be neglected just because I had to take care of my daughter. So began my tight rope walk from the year 1995, maintaining balance between taking care of an extremely sensitive and adjusting son and highly demanding and attention seeking daughter who needed extra attention. Luckily, I had an angel for son, who helped me by playing with her, holding her when she walked and trying to teach her new activities.

I did not mark developmental milestones for Farheena; instead I decided to take one step at a time. My doctor advised me against giving her any medications or going for surgeries unless it was absolutely required. Physiotherapy and stimulation were highly recommended by her pediatrician.
Every massage is followed by
water games.. the smile says it all
Along with the exercises of physiotherapy, Farheena was allowed to feel different textures, play in water, and sit out in sunlight for stimulation.
My Mom was a great fan of oil massages for babies. It was one of the traditional therapies she trusted a lot, besides feeding people Ghee and talking about the benefits of Tender coconut water. Rayyan had his share of massages before he started escaping from his mom, aunt and grandma. The boy just hated oil.
On insistence and assistance from my Mom, I started giving massage for Farheena.
fortunately, Farheena, unlike Rayyan did not hate oil massages, as she loved water. She knew that every oil massage would be followed by bath and play time in water. I focused more on her legs and her feet.

We did not stop with just massages for Farheena, but also got her involved in every activity of my family. I and Rayyan took her out on walks every evening. Rayyan would lovingly talk to her and explain things to her as we pushed her pram. At home she was involved in cleaning, sweeping and cooking too, as much as she could do. I never worried about the mess she would leave behind, as long as she enjoyed herself and was involved in some stimulating activity. My Mom, Dad, Sisters, Brother and off course Rayyan, all contributed a little towards Farheena’s development. I have to mention here that, my family was not possessive towards Farheena like they were with Rayyan, and even to this day, he remains their clear favorite. But they were good enough for Farheena and loved her a lot. Due to different circumstances, I had to manage Farheena single handedly most of the times.
Farheena enjoying the beach
When I shifted from Bangalore to Byndoor, the one advantage I had there was the Someshwara beach. The high disadvantage was the attitude of people towards special needs children. Unfortunately for my children, especially for Farheena, there has been not much help or support from her father’s side of family, with whom we had to stay in Byndoor. Farheena, the active girl who participated in all activities, started to withdraw from social life. She selected a few people with whom she would communicate, but started being silent and quiet in public.  She also started to hesitate to walk on the roads as people would not stop at giving her stares, but would come up ask questions.
Farheena determined to do her
exercises with cast on her leg!

As days went by, even with all exercises, activities and massages, Farheena had trouble walking, and the crouch gait became more prominent. Within a year Farheena’s crouch gait worsened and she required corrective surgery on both her feet. She was under the care of Dr. Gautam Kodikal since her childhood. So I consulted him and he decided on triple fusion surgery for both her feet. Farheena handled her surgeries very bravely and did not give up on her exercises even when she had her leg in cast.
After her surgery Farheena met an amazing person she called Hi-Bye aunt. The name referred to her saying Hi, when she came on webcam and Bye when she went off it. Paula, a sister in surviving cancer from USA was wonderful friend for my children. She was a breath of fresh air and would spread smile on Farheena’s face with different antics. Farheena started communicating with her on Webcam and enjoyed her time with Paula a lot. Meeting Hi-Bye aunt became an obsession with Farheena.
Finally, after a lot of struggle, we embarked on our journey to USA. Farheena underwent an amazing change in the social environment of USA. She was friendly with everyone and would make friends easily. That is when I realized how our society is pushing her into the shell with their negative attitude. In USA, one of my friends, Lois gave me instructions about the proper method of giving massage to Farheena’s legs. She told me apply heat on the legs with a hot water bottle or towel dipped in hot water to relax the muscles before giving her massage. The relaxed muscles respond more to oil massage that follows. Farheena’s life has been enriched with the breast cancer survivor friends I met in USA. Today they keep in touch with her through Facebook more often than they do with me.
When I came back to India, I decided to move back to Bangalore. Farheena had no future in Byndoor, moreover, she was not happy there. The change was not possible all of a sudden. Again it was time to take one step at a time towards our shifting to Bangalore.
Finally, it did happen. Farheena started going to a new special school ‘Fame India’ in Bangalore. She started meeting my friends and chose some of them to socialize with. She loves the Indiblogger and other blogger meets where she is given special treatment and loved by many of my fellow bloggers. Furthermore, she has her share of cousins, aunt, uncle and my own family to interact with in Bangalore. 
Farheena posing with her medals and
certificate
She is happy once again. Today a young woman of 21, Farheena is almost independent in managing her own life. She loves her iPad and facebook. She plays computer games, surfs net and helps at times with house work, but only when she is not feeling lazy. With little support she started walk up to a mile and also climbing stairs and reach the 3rd floor of her school building easily.

After completing 2 years of training in FAME India, Farheena was employed by Fame Swavalambana where she is earning a small salary at present.

She also does scrapbooking on LimeRoad.

When it comes to bringing up my children, I have taken refuge in nature and resorted to natural remedies most of the times.Slowly and steadily with the proper stimulation, help from family and friends, Farheena has come a long way from the child who many doctors considered will never be able to see, talk or walk.

The greatest achievement of Farheena for me has been her ability to distinguish between good and bad. Anyone as much as gives her an odd look, touch her or tell something inappropriate, she immediately brings it to my notice or some person from my family. She has accepted herself with grace and knows to treat herself with respect. The pose she gave to be photographed with her medals and certificate, tells a lot about her confidence in self. The one step at a time taken in the past 21 years has brought not just Farheena, but also me to a destination from where we can look ahead with hope, confidence and pride.
Carrying Farheena around
was tough after my cancer
experience
Even though I tell you that it was just a tiny step at a time, it was not easy. There were many tough decisions I had to take at times.  One of them was whether to put Farheena on a wheel chair or not. I decided not to put Farheena on a wheelchair. Today I can say, the decision I took was right. When I was diagnosed with cancer, carrying Farheena became quite tough for me. The mastectomy and chemotherapy took its toll on my strength. But then, children can be great energy and moral boosters for mothers. So has been my lovely daughter to me. If not for her, I would not have picked up the bits and pieces of life and created a wonderful collage out of it like I have done now. She gave me goals to achieve. Today I have no regrets about the decisions I have made. I have to thank everyone who has given a bit of their attention, time and love to make Farheena what she is today. 


Farheena in the morning sunshine

                  The brother who walked with her every step.. a strong pillar of support

Farheena was a changed teen in USA
With her uncle who took her on
bike rides

Some of Farheena's friends from around USA
The girl loved playing in water even during cold
winters
A confident Farheena
cleaning the ceiling fan

46 comments:

  1. Farida this is such an emotional and courageous narration of the struggle that you faced so valiantly. Any one else in your place would have given up. I have tears in my eyes as I read each word of your agony and how bravely you handled the crisis in spite of your own life threatening disease. .It also goes to the credit of baby Farheena's strong will power to fight with adversities so strongly. Hats off to you and sweet Farheena.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Usha Menon. You are no less warrior yourself. Farheena has been a great inspiration for me. She changed me so much that today I take pride in not only her but also myself. She is a blessing!

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  2. You made me cry. Lots of love both to you and your daughter. This is a tribute to motherhood and courage. Hugs

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    1. I am sorry for making you cry Ritu.. but when words flow from heart they touch kind hearts.

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  3. It is not easy to handle such a tough situation...reading or listening to a painful story is easy, but to undergo such pain is not at all easy. Not only farheena, but her family and she will reach the destiny. Taking a decision is hard, but, now this is inspiration to others as a good mother..touching and in tears Vidhya Sarav

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    1. It is not easy Vinayaka, but as I said children can be great motivation and energy boosters. Thank you for good words .

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  4. This is an emotional post Farida. All I can say is Good luck :)

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  5. I feel so emotional reading your post , Farida. and Farheena is very lucky to have you.

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    1. I am equally lucky to have Farheena and people like you who support me in my life!

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  6. Hugs Farida !
    I saw her in IB meet and seeing these pics I realise how important ur role was for imbibing confidence in her.
    Hugs is all I can say
    God bless

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    1. It was collective effort Afshan. So many people around the world have contributed their bit to bring her where she is. Thanks for the good wishes

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  7. Your struggle in bringing up your daughter brought tears to my eyes. A very emotional post but Farheena could achieve so much only with your support and strong will. You and your daughter are a winner to me. Also your son, whose support and understanding, I'm sure made things a little easier for you. God Bless your children and you Faridaji :)

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    1. It is mutual Prasanna. Though not many can see it, Farheena has done so much for me. Without her, I would be nowhere today. Rayyan has been my support and Farheena motivation. Thanks for your blessings .. they do help!

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  8. Lots of Hugs to u and Farheena...
    Your post is really inspiring for me...

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  9. Big hug to the two of you. I can imagine how difficult a journey it would have been, but I'm glad you survived and excelled in your own way. Feeling blessed to be in touch (in whatever little ways) with an inspiring personality like you. May God Bless you now and always! :-)

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    1. I feel humbled by your words Rex_Vix. I am just a mom and survivor who did what had to be done.

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  10. This is a brilliant read and a big hug to you and Farheena!

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  11. Farida, you had me in tears. I am not trying to be emotional here. You have come a long way and hats off to your spirit. My heart ached for special needs kids all the time. I don't have sympathy here..I want to have more love and care for them. May god give you tons of strength in the years to come...btw, I used Dabur lal tail for both my kids too :) I didn't read other posts, but nothing can be better than this.

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    1. I am sorry for those tears FIF, but then feeling for others pain makes us humans. Yes, I agree it has been a long and fruitful journey of life for me. It is always nice to write with our experience and knowledge of the product. BTW about the contest.. I hope the judges think like you. Being a gadget freak, I don't mind a Macbook Air ;)

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  12. Farida, I admire you. What you did takes lot of courage and determination. All I can see in you is a real-life hero who has the guts to swim against the tide. Best of luck to you and your daughter for the future. God bless.

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    1. Thanks for your good words Pankti. Adversities brings courage with it.

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  13. wow! farida you are heck of a woman!

    I wish only the best for you and your lovely family. hugs!

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  14. Farida, you inspire all of us. And having met Farheena on multiple occasions, I can say that you have brought her up so well. You struggled and never gave up. God bless your lovely family and you!

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    1. I feel proud as a Mom when I see my kids. But honestly, I think they have something good inside them to bring out the best in me.

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  15. Farida, yours and Farheena's strength, courage and determination is to be admired... Life will shower the best on her... lots of wishes and hugs!

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    1. Thank you so much Seeta, Life has been good to us, with people like you good vibes

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  16. Hi Farida, A touching and inspiring story. You have done the best that could be done for your daughter and I really admire that.

    All the best for the contest and particularly for your life. May God bless!

    You can read my article for the contest at http://www.medicalisland.net/indian-healthcare/traditional-knowledge-natural-growth-an-incisive-introspection-on-traditional-remedies

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    1. Thanks Dr.Lawrence Kindo. You have written a wonderful informative post on your blog

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    2. Thanks for dropping by. Keep in touch. I will be following your blog more often.

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  17. You have been a strong Mother, Farida and your story is an inspiration to all. All the best !

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    1. Thank you very much Uma. It is nice to know that I touch people who inspire me in the first place

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  18. Farida, I follow your posts religiously.....many a time, when I feel low, I read your blog and then I am so inspired that I look at things in a totally different perspective. You truly are a rockstar.....would like to meet you in near future, and your beautiful Farheena :) Her achievements in life is a medal for your selfless parenting :) All I can say, 'take a bow' for Farida :)

    Wishing you and family a lot of happiness, success and prosperity in life :)

    Cheers & God bless...!!

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    1. Narayani, thank you for those kind words. I hope I deserve them rightfully. We should sure meet sometime. Parenting is has to selfless, or else it becomes business.

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  19. Honestly i m a very self obsessed woman. I always find my difficulties graver and greater than others. But your post is an humbling experience. All of a sudden instead of complaining in front of god( like I always do) I wanna thank him. I honestly wanna hug your daughter she's truly amazing but I am not surprised I guess it's in your genes and hats off to u coz you are world's most brave woman I know.

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    1. Thank you for the wonderful comment Renu. Before being a mom, I was one of the most silliest, stupid and careless person you may have come across ;). My children gave me the push to be my best .. Someday you can meet and hug Farheena. She loves the fact that she is very popular among her Maa's friends.

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  20. You are an inspiration to a lot pf people Farida. I just hope and pray Farheena goes on to do well in life and make you proud! Hugs and tons of wishes to your entire family :)

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    1. My next post is going to be about the changes in Farheena I have seen lately. She is doing quite good, at least she is making full use of the potential in her to do things. I am really very proud of her.

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  21. Awesome blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
    I'm hoping to start my own website soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
    Would you advise starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option?

    There are so many choices out there that I'm completely overwhelmed ..
    Any ideas? Many thanks!

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  22. You have taken the adversities of life with its horns and emerged triumphant! I love Farheena. She is a wonderful young lady, thanks to her mother. Very touching to read this, Farida!

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  23. May God bless your beautiful daughter. She touches my heart with her innocence.

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  24. Perseverance pays more than anything. The story of your daughter proves that. Keep updating your blog regarding her achievements ( I know there are going to be many for this wonderful young lady) so that you can inspire other people to not give up.

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  25. came in very late to read this post --its a touching one and coming from a brave mother's heart it touches many hearts .

    May God Bless your daughter and you -----HAPPY NEW YEAR

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