Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Choose YOUR Response

My husband has come back home after working in Gulf for 25 months and I am having trouble adjusting to the changed lifestyle at the moment.

So trying to inspire myself to do the best in the present situation and God knows I need inspiration and help.

Why not inspire others when I am doing it to myself ;)

Deepak Shinde has written a wonderful article which I am trying to share with you here....

An intelligent person responds: a fool reacts. Deepak Shinde

Three women met. Yeah you can guess??? Lots of discussions, exchange of news and views, loads of information. One particular part of their discussion caught my attention. One of the ladies, with a lot of interest, was sharing some interesting facts about cockroach. With a lot of amazement she was telling how a cockroach can run three miles in an hour and can change directions 25 times in a second. A cockroach could live a long time, perhaps a week, without its head. There was nonstop excitement in her voice as she continued saying, "A cockroach has amazing adaptability. It can survive in any climate, in any house condition, inside any crack, etc. Their antenna, which rivals NASA's Global Positioning System, helps it to locate other cockroaches with state-of-the-art precision. Cockroaches could be used to place surveillance devices in military installations. In fact, a cockroach can survive even an attack of atomic explosion." Suddenly a cockroach flew from nowhere and sat on her. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it! She started screaming out of fear. With panic-stricken face and trembling voice, she started doing stationary jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach on to another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed its movement on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, "Was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behaviour? If so, then, why the waiter was not perturbed? He handled it to near perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies:

I realized. "Even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father ( replace father with a husband) or my boss that disturbs me, but it is my inability to handle the disturbance caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It is not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but it is my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. In all, it is not something that disturbs me, but it is my inability to handle the disturbance caused by that something that disturbs me. More than the problem, it is my reaction to the problem, which hurts me more."

A natural question popped up in my mind, "Then, how do I outgrow this limitation?" I understood, "1 should not react. I should always respond. The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. Reactions are instinctive, whereas responses are intellectual. Between the stimuli (what happens to me) and the response (what happens through me) if there is no gap, it creates reaction. But, between the stimuli and the response, if I use the gap to think and contemplate, then I can respond thoughtfully. An intelligent person responds; a fool reacts.'


  1. Makes sense, absolutely! I wish we all had enough intellect to respond instead of react in most situations :P

  2. How true is this??? I also need to learn how to respond to disturbances around me.

    I pray that things will become peaceful in your home once again as your husband adjusts to being back home.

  3. that was really a wonderful share...
    to have peaceful we need to control our reaction.

  4. An excellent reflection, very sound advise.
    It's our nature to always focus on the consequences without looking at the cause.

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  6. You are so right but it's very hard!

  7. Wonderful..
    Responses come in late while reactions are fast..:)

    Visiting u after a long time.
    How's everyone?



  8. You are so correct. Reactions are controlled by our reptilian part of our brain, that is reactive, instinctive and automatic. Our responses will be subconscious as a primary means of survival. These subconscious behaviors are based upon parts of our past when we did not have tools or strategies to deal with the situation at hand, (dad yelling). Now each time yelling happens, you become that scared little girl again. The Technique that I practice, is a way to access that subconscious and create a bridge to the conscious mind, so that you do not have to remain in that loop of reaction. Our conscious mind is only 2-10% of our mind. By this technique you can become aware and make different conscious choices and live in this moment and not in the past. Of course there is more to it than that, but that is a good basic description. Love to you, Debbie

  9. My friend,you posts are really wonderful and also inspiring to read.I too started blogging as a stress-buster just exploring the positives and inspiring my world through my poems and also through writing...yours chapter makes me come and read the book often

  10. Important lesson learned. Thanks Farida ji.

    The description of cockroaches reminds me of my younger brother, who researches on cockroaches and sells his research to people like me (who buy it) under the name of 'cockroach survey'! :)


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