Thursday, April 29, 2021

Y- Yes,’YOU’ Matter


We grow up listening to all those things matter, which includes our good behavior, following our religion, abiding to social norms, scoring good marks in academics, finding a good job, being on time, hard work etc etc etc. The list is unending with few additions in it only for women, but unfortunately ‘YOU’ are never there on the list, right? Slowly we start to care about everyone and everything other than us. 
That happened to me as well until cancer knocked my door. It left me wondering when undergoing treatment, what is the use of everything I did, achieved or have if ‘I’ myself am not there. They all turn to dust with me. If I die, I cannot be a mom, a daughter, a sister or a wife, so I have to take care of my needs, my health and my happiness if I want to be there for others. Not only that, I had to learn to value myself without attaching value only to what I accomplish or what I can do for others. I wanted to just be there and feel important, like a cat.

Life is going to have the good days and the bad ones, you will be lazy or busy, things will look up and then they will slide down, but you are always there in your life. You can escape from everyone, but you have to be with you always. Once you start to realize ‘YOU’ matter, you will make time for yourself to do things which do bring a sense of accomplishment but sheer happiness. It can be listening to music, watching a movie, going for a walk, going out with friends or reading a book without a purpose… just for the sheer joy of it. Many people end up with guilt, or feel they are wasting precious time when they indulge in their own happiness. As a counselor I hear this so often, even from people as young as 13 or less. 
The word selfish is very scary. We are made to believe at times, that being happy is being selfish, but we have to learn the difference to be happy yet not selfish. In fact, selfishness chases away happiness. If you observe, you will see that selfish people are never happy people. 
After the cancer treatment, there are times when you feel you are not complete. You have to unlearn all that you were taught earlier, and learn to love and accept yourself for who you are and what you have become after cancer. This is the time you need this self-love more than ever. You have to learn to accept the fact that ‘You’ matters the most in your life. You have to learn to enjoy your life and be happy without going through the guilt. 

Sometimes the journey itself is more beautiful than the destination. We get lost by focusing on the time, what we should do when we reach our destination, what if we don’t get there on time and many other worries that we forget to notice or enjoy of the journey itself. We may never reach our destination in some cases. Let this not be the story of the journey of our life. Let us not focus so much on destination, that we forget to enjoy the journey. Let us live this moment and feel it. Let us learn to accept the fact that ‘We’ matter so that we don’t get so busy making a living that we forget to live our life.


  1. Thank you for your wise counsel. It's so easy for me to neglect what I need.

    I like the picture of the cat, and your caption beneath. So true!

  2. The older I get the less important "the list" appears to be. My school days are long gone, nobody wants to know aabout my grades anyway ;-)
    As time goes by, I sometimes wonder "will I have done enough", and I don't mean enough laundry or dinner. More like "will the things I do or say have a lasting impact".
    Will I have helped people along their way, will the world be (a bit of) a better place thanks to me?

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