Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The TRUTH.. it hurt but healed!!!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Short Poems...

Trying for comeback to the blogging world.. I have missed you fellow bloggers.
Long ago when I was young I used to write short stanza's using Idioms ... I have categorized them as In love and Out of Love Hope you will enjoy reading them and also welcome to make fun of me... I don't take pride in them. LOL
DEFENCE OFFENCE
At birth we acquire the right
That ourselves by all means we can defend
So I speak up to defend my virtue
I am sorry in the process if someone I offend
BEHIND THE MASK
To reveal all the scars life has given me
Is a difficult task
So to hide the ugliness and to look beautiful
I always hide behind a mask
MY HEART IS IN RIGHT PLACE
Take heart, surely I will not take part
In this abusive race
You should have known by now
That my heart is in right place
SCARS ON ME
Love is injurious to health
On me it has left many scars
Whenever I venture out now
I am asked have you been at wars.
HOPING AGAINST HOPE
I waited for you to come to me
Poor me!! I was hoping against hope
I kept my eyes open in bath
And ended up filling them up with soap
A HOT HEAD
When someone say something against you
Your voice shoots up and your eyes turn red
So now I fear to go against you
And say the truth that you are a hot head
WANT SOME HELP
WOW!! You do things with air
Never oh! Never do you take my help
Whatever you may start to do
You end up making an ass of yourself
Some more of them
and a few more
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Finally we arrived in USA...
Kids on the plane (pssstt... watch that boy)
I always wanted to share my dream trip with my friends and now a competition called "Jiyo Life Moments" Sponsored by Club Mahindra and Indiblogger has pushed me into doing this.
If possible help me out by posting some comments and voting for me on the indiblogger
I was worried about my kids reaction to their first flight. They were cool in the beginning.
Farheena started to feel uncomfortable after a while and refused to eat anything. Rayyan in his excitement of taking pictures somehow messed with the mobile phone and the SIM was lost. I was a bit panicky at this because I had no way to get in touch with Paula now after we were to land in
Back into the jet and we were leaving for NYC. I could not actually believe that this was happening but it was. I had seen the pictures of JFK airport and it sort of overwhelmed me with its enormousness. I wondered how would we ever know what terminal to get into for our FL flight.
I knew it would terrify the kids if they knew I was worried, so I had to be the jolly mom on tour of
Finally we WERE in
At the airport I tried to get some tea (the mamooli chai ) or coffee for Farheena as I was worried about her being dehydrated. I saw a coffee shop and as the flight was 3 hours away I decided to go and bring some coffee for Farheena. To my horror the food in a cafĂ© looked so different and expensive. My mind which always thought in Indian currency refused to accept the prizes on the eatables there LOL. Now I wish I had someone to guide me there as I thought I would get a coffee (ie with milk and sugar) when I ask for it. But all I got was black coffee without sugar or milk. Farheena refused to even look at the cup so I tried it and went cough cough puke puke… eeewwwwww. So I went back there looking for sugar and milk which I found in small sachets. I thought it was very funny. I did not like the coffee but gulped it down because I was not about to waste the money I had spent on it ;). Finally we got on the flight and landed in
Once in Tampa we just went with the person who pushed Farheena’s wheel chair and he left us near the airport door where people were picking up their friends or relatives and asked for a tip of 3$ . I had some change with me (from the coffee shop) and so paid him. We waited there for 20 minutes or so and then Rayyan suggested for me to get inside and look for Paula as we were sure she would not be late. So in I went looking for her. It was getting late and the airport wore a deserted look. A lady was sweeping the floors and I asked her how to use the telephone. Luckily I knew Paula’s number by heart. I asked for change but she paid for the call and told me it is OK. As I was talking to Paula I was surprised to hear her voice so clear. I was amazed how different phones are in USA as I could hear her as though she was talking to me standing right there in front of me where a woman stood wearing purple dress talking in her phone. As I was talking to Paula I could see her lip move to the words being said in the phone. The told the woman who was cleaning that may be I had found my friend as I think it the woman talking into the phone right there in front of me was actually the person talking to me over the phone.
She said to me “ If that is your friend then you better find her because she has looked past you four times and I don’t think she is ever going to find you”. So I shouted “ Pee, here I am”. The rest you can watch on the video.
The placard she was supposed to hold was brought out after she met us.. it was beautiful...
To be continued.
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Monday, June 14, 2010
A dream of a middle class Indian girl...
I have been wanting to share my story of my travel to USA with my friends for a long time now but have been procrastinating actually doing it but the now I have a reason to do it for the contest on Jiyo Life moments on Indiblogger. This cannot be said in one blog so I am going to dedicate a few blogs for this happy moments in the life of me and my kids.
Paula started it with the story she sent to my daughter. Now you can see how this all started....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Guest post by Paula Gerding....
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Can't believe it has been 14 years since I last saw my sister

Actually we think death is the end. But is it? I don’t know. It was never so when I lost my sister more than a decade ago. It was the beginning of something painful and sense of loss.We grew up together and almost shared everything. My younger brother is 6 years younger to me so we had a lot of time for ourselves before other siblings intervened in our lives. We always had everything shared between us, an apple would be cut into equal half and we would each have a piece. Off course my sister believed in being fair and so it was the person who did not cut the apple (or whatever it was) that got to pick the piece and we would have to cut them alternately.
We were just opposite of each other. Nothing was ever similar between us. We liked different books (ooopppsss I mean I loved books whereas my sister never could read beyond 3 pages at one go), movies, colors, God, food etc etc. We fought over every single thing. She would flare up very fast, and would cool down faster. If I ever succeeded in getting her to beat me in her anger; than I was winner. I could work her around to do many things for me as a consolation. I enjoyed that. I wouldn’t flare up easily but was tenacious, and teased her temper a lot.
I never knew how good these things were until much much later when she was not there physically.Everyone always said she was all beauty and me all brains. The most touching part I remember about her is when we two would start fighting and someone would interfere and try to shut me up, (I was tenacious) and later they would end up scolding me and she would jump in to defend me. I thought that was funny back then but now I am finding it wrings out a lot of tears from me. She loved games, gossip, friends, Movies and outings. Picnics were her favorites. I loved books, studying etc. She would play to have fun where as I played to win, to prove myself always. Even with a club foot I could be very fast runner and excelled in throw ball and many other games. She would never play games where there was competition. She loved funny games.
My lovely sister was also opposite to me in another approach which proved fatal and she paid with her life. She never liked the pills, pricks or doctors. Hospitals were one of the worst places for her and would always postpone treatment as far as possible. I always trusted doctors a lot. One day she announced she felt some lump in her breast and I panicked. At that time I did not know much about BC but still was aware of it and advised her to see a doctor. She said she would. But never did it. I kept reminding her again and again. But I knew she was not interested in consulting doctor. I went to my native place where she was on a visit with my Mother and convinced her to come to the doctors with me. The doctor had just one look and advised biopsy. She said lets come back tomorrow and that went on for few more days. I almost physically dragged her into going for a biopsy and the result said breast cancer. I was shocked. Couldn’t believe what I heard. My parents immediately took her to some more doctors and they all advised surgery, radiation and chemotherapy for her. But she refused. Wouldn’t give in to any pressure we tried to put on her. No one knew she would be gone the next year. She talked my family into believing about miracle healing. I never gave up convincing her to go for surgery. But all was in vain. I can vividly recall how cancer took over her slowly. It is really very terrifying. The lump grew and then opened into a wound which went on covering half her chest. She always cleaned it up herself and dressed it till the end. She was really amazing. Again I was away from her when I heard one day that she was dead. It did not make any sense to me. I expected that but still couldn’t believe it. She left some huge hollow inside me, which yearned to be filled up. I searched for friends. I reached out to people, finding few sisters who filled it in drops. Still the gap needs to be filled. It still hurts so bad. I do miss her so much. I still cant imagine a person who was so full of life gave it up so easily. She just resigned off life when she heard the word cancer.
The one thing about her life that hurts me the most is, the day she got to know I had cancer too. It attacked her right breast and my left one. I joked it was the result of sharing everything but I could see the pain in her. She slowly started sobbing and then cried piteously. Why both of us? She asked again and again. She just broke after that. I still remember and feel the hug she gave me when I left to get myself operated. I was walking out of gate when she came there and hugged me and wept. That was something very touching and can bring tears whenever I remember it. I just felt the love flow from her to me. We again proved to be opposites. She gave up and lost her life where as I fought it out( the odds were very much against me) and survived. I feel guilty of not sharing something with her there. Does she know the pain I suffer whenever I think of her? Would she change the decision if she knew I was going to suffer so? I look up to everyone to find her. There have been many people who have given me a part of her.I have found so many sisters of hearts. They are not blood relation to me but we share the feelings and pain of our heart. We can emphatise with each other. But still the pain of losing a sister remains. No matter what changes takes place. Can we really lose someone after having found them and loved them? Does someone has an answer? I am searching…….
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Purple Hat
In memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending
the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for
the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before
it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet
was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and
worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light
a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble
about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my
husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a
summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television
and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was
practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a
lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have
cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment
growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a
miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,
'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have
been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every
minute, look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it
back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or
who's doing what instead, let's cherish the relationships we
have with those who do love us.
KEEP IT LIT!
IN MEMORY .. . . . ..
These are the colors that represent the different cancers.
Psstttt... Still too busy preparing for the exams.. I miss you all so much, will be back to reading and writing blogs on 6th June .
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Happy 15th Birthday to my lovely daughter Farheena
For now asking some prayers to be sent her way...
Wish you a very very happy birthday dear girl.. Maa loves you a lot
Her last years birthday Link
Pic of the dress I made for her last year.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Happy mothers day to all... and a bit of catching up
Hello dear friends,
I have been absconding for sometime from my blog. I have been busy preparing for my English literature exam and today I have finished my paper. Have done it quite well and now to wait for the evaluator to rate it.
The pepsi contest has been won by another blogger but through the contest I realized how blessed I am with wonderful friends who would lend their support to me when needed. So I have been a winner at the same time.
My kids have been amazing and have wholly lent their support to get me educated. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.
A few years ago Rayyan (7 yrs) walked up to me and rendered a verse which I treasure as a best gift. It was said in much simpler words but I wrote it down and kept it in my own words. It was conveyed to me in our mother tongue and on the mothers Day I want to share it with you all…..
And God gave me a Maa.
God has given me legs to walk
A boneless tongue to talk
A short nose to poke about
A big mouth to eat and shout
A cheek to receive lovely kiss
Friends to help me in crisis
Wonderful teachers to teach
A father to discipline me and preach
A heart to warn me when dangers lurk
Two tiny hands to do my work
Above all God gave me a Mommy
Who can do everything for me!
She talks for me when my words fail
She pokes about when I lose trail
She shouts on my behalf when I have sore throat
She plays with me when my friends tire out
She teaches me what my teachers can’t
She preaches me when my father won’t
She is in my heart to make it strong
She is like music and a beautiful song
I love my Maa.
Off course I love that dear boy who is grown up now.. and he loves me as much yet. Not that my little girl love me any less ...
BTW I miss my dear Mommy a lot too..
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