100 Rays Of Son - 4

While In Rome

Rayyan has undergone lot of life changes which had major impact on him. One of the major change happened when from the loving family of his mom (grandma, grandpa, uncle and aunt) and his first school in Bangalore, he had to shift to Byndoor, our native village after completing 5^th Standard.

There he attended Touheed English Medium School which was exclusive for Muslim students as per his father’s wish. For a boy who never had any exposure to religious way before, it must have been a major challenge, but he did blend in there in coming years by being who he is from within.

He had great support from his teachers and staff, especially Mr. Khan who guided and supported him throughout his stay in the school. Rayyan had great respect and admiration for the administrator and Mr. Khan took great pride in his ward as well. When he requested Rayyan to offer Namaz in mosque, he did respecting him as long as he was his student without missing single prayer, other than on very rare occassion. On his behalf, Mr. Khan made some excuses for Rayyan regarding the religious scripture reading which he couldn’t do.

Rayyan had always followed rules on road, school and office without fail. I realized the impact it has on others when I had to visit his school to pick him up for an emergency. My mom was sick and we had to travel to Mangalore from Byndoor. Rayyan was in school and we decided to pick him from there on our way to hospital. As I entered the school, I was in shock to see all students getting ready to enter the playground. It would take us some time to find him I worried as I entered the campus. Mr. Khan was standing and keeping a strict eye on the students.

As I approached him and mentioned our problem and dilemma of finding Rayyan quickly, he smiled and said, give me a moment I will tell you where he is. He scanned the students and immediately identified Rayyan on the third floor. Surprised I asked him how he did it, when all looked so alike in the uniform. He answered proudly, “I can identify Rayyan anytime anywhere because we have a rule for children to walk in the corridors holding their hands behind their back and Rayyan is the one person who follows that rule even when no is watching. If a student is walking with hands held behind even during the play period, it is definitely Rayyan”. I felt great pride that day, more than what my parents would have felt when I topped my class.

I am very proud of Rayyan that he studied in a school being an odd man out for his religious ways but gained love and respect of everyone. No one criticized or ridiculed him for being different, or maybe they tried and gave up. I never heard complaints, whines or accusation from Rayyan for taking him away from the family which loved him so much to a place which was completely alien to him. He made the best of his travel, enjoyed his school days and walked out with his head held high.

100 Rays Of Son - 3

Philosophy Of Crazy People

My mom usually took up more than she could chew.  Most of the times, there were clashes of plans, ideas or demands from her children, which would lead to chaos in our home. On one such day, my mom was frustrated and cried out, “I think I am going crazy! My children will rest only rest after I go completely mad.”

Rayyan who was building a tower from Lego blocks, walked up to her and told her in a calm voice, “Naani, no crazy person will know that they are crazy. They always feel they are very smart. They will never realize they are crazy. . That is the reason why they remain crazy.  So, I don’t think you will go crazy”.

My mom burst out laughing, shaking all over until she turned red as a beetroot. She admired and loved Rayyan a lot and it did not take much effort from him to make her happy. Apart from his regular daily routine that she admired, she got some gems like this from him to make her day.

For quite few days after this incident, we couldn’t act smart or all-knowing for a second before she would call Rayyan and ask, “Rayyan, what did you say? Crazy people think they are very smart, right?” and she would start giggling. I in particular, had to dumb down myself quite a lot to get out of her radar of detecting craziness.

Somehow, today I am quite surprised that a 5/6 year old made that observation which is kind of true. I haven’t come across a single crazy person who is aware of it. Below is the picture of my Mom very upset that I did not get a cake for Rayyan as well when celebrating Farheena's birthday. Rayyan could understand but my Mom wouldn't. One thing I am sure is that my Mom's love for Rayyan was definitely crazy even if she was not.

100 Rays Of Son - 2

The Thirsty Crow

This is not the story of that smart crow which put pebbles in the pitcher to drink water. In Byndoor, the heat was intolerably high during summer and the wells, river and ponds were dry. As Rayyan came back from school on a Saturday afternoon, something in the backyard attracted his attention. I was out there as well and followed his line of sight to see a crow trying to fly but was unable to. It was so tired and weak due to thirst and heat that it had no energy left to fly.

Soon we saw some dogs trying to get their bite of this helpless bird. I wanted to save this crow, but then I remembered what my mom had said. She used to say that, once we humans touch the birds, their flock will never take them back; in fact they will peck them to death. Also, I was afraid to go near the struggling bird to help it.

When I was wondering, Rayyan came out with some water and food for the bird. It is surprising that the crow jumped at water and started drinking it. It was the first time I had seen something being so thirsty and craving for water to this extent. It also tried dripping its head and wings into the bowl. I realized how thirsty it was and was almost dying when I stood there recollecting my mom’s words and being indecisive.

Rayyan brought in more water in a tub and placed it there and helped the crow wallow in water. It was much later that the crow started to eat as well. Rayyan stood there watching the crow without troubling it for more than 2 hours. He doesn't try to pet or touch any animals unless it is needed. The dogs gave up after knowing that the person was not going away. The crow itself stopped struggling to fly and rested with ease. Rayyan had not had his lunch and I failed to convince him to come in to eat. Finally after more than two hours the crow flew away.

The surprising part was, it came around and perched on the roof every day at 5 p.m. which was the time for Rayyan to come home on weekdays. Whenever I spotted the crow, I would tell Rayyan, your friend has come. Rayyan did not usually feed the crow, but at times he would offer some crumbs. It would sit there and watch him silently. It was something weird yet beautiful.

It became routine for Rayyan to respond to the words of your friend is here by searching for the bird on roof or trees. One day his human friend was waiting for him and I told Rayyan, “Your friend is waiting for you”. He came out and to his friend’s amazement started searching on the roof for his bird friend. I don’t know what would have gone through his friend’s mind, when his friend started searching for him on the roof when he was standing right there in front of him… but that look was priceless.

Rayyan has no special love for Dove, Peacock or any other beautiful birds. For him they all are as good as a hen or a crow. His philosophy is, why should a bird be more special just because it has more attractive colors? Aren’t they all birds and should be loved the same?

Even to this day, I know I would love a white dove more than a crow but I have changed a lot after that day. It is not easy to be like Rayyan, rational, impartial and loving to all creatures in the same way but I don’t stop trying. 

100 Rays of Son - 1

Rayyan The Monkey

Before you start cursing me for the title of the first post, stop right there! Rayyan does not take it as an offence at all. I realized this long time ago when he was 4 years old.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, Rayyan was feeling very energetic. Since he was jumping around like a drunken monkey when my parents were resting. I was worried he would disturb their sleep and called out, “Hey! You Monkey”. The child looked back at me blinking his cute eyes with long lashes. The look on his face was of anticipation which amused and surprised me. After sometime, he crouched and said, “Call me Monkey again maa. I love being a monkey. You can also call me donkey, deer, rabbit, dog or a crow. I love all of them”. It took me some time to understand what was going on. So here was my son, who is not offended by the name calling. With great embarrassment I recalled how I used to respond to name calling with different animal names or cursing.

Something which should have ended as an argument turned into a game. I called out animal names and Rayyan acted like them.

Even to this day, Rayyan has never been bothered by name calling. His simple philosophy is, “Just because someone says something about us, does it really change us? Are we not sure of who we are to be bothered by what others say? On the other hand, who can be worse than us humans?”

Today I take pride in keeping patience with children but most of the credit goes to Rayyan who guided me and taught me patience.

100 Rays of Son

Rayyan is a blessing to people around him. I am sure no one will disagree with me. He has been very different from people I have seen or known. He is very patient, calm, kind, helpful and wise. 
Slowly from a mom who loved him blindly, I have grown to like, appreciate and moreover respect him for who he is. 
I want to share 100 life stories of Rayyan starting from today, counting down to his birthday on August 20th.

An Enigma called Farheena

When Farheena was just 8 weeks old, I realised that she will have special needs. The diagnosis predicted she wouldn’t be able to see, walk or talk. Hearing those words is the most scariest thing I have experienced in my whole life. Back then I fiercely wanted to fix this mistake and make my baby alright. Slowly, as life in on, I realised that it is not her, but me and the world around her that needs fixing.
I admire achievers, but there is something very appealing about Farheena. The only way I can vaguely describe her is like being the prasadam among platter of delicious dishes, or like holy water among the bottles of various drinks. I see that she brings out the best in people.
I still remember the day it all started. May 10, 1996 I started experiencing labour pains 12 days earlier than my due date. 18 hours later, I saw a peaceful baby on 11th May, who turned out to be Farheena.
Many see my parenting as a sacrifice, but honestly either all parenting is sacrifice or none of it is.
Farheena is a lovely human being who cannot hide her emotions. She also has sensitiveness to pain, be it physical or emotional in others. She has different perception of things around us. There have been times when I have felt some people are so lucky and happy, when Farheena has told me otherwise. Once, she insisted that a person was in pain, tremendous pain even when she was smiling. Later, it turned out Farheena was right.
No one can imagine what a blessing her presence has been to me. When blinded by false beliefs, we suffer for things that do not even exist. It was Farheena who freed me from most of it, along with her amazing brother. I had no problem being dependent on my husband financially and may be that is the way it would have been forever, if not for Farheena. I fought cancer hard because I wanted to be with her and I feel she is highly responsible for my survival. Off course Rayyan was just 4, but he was very easy going child and anyone could take care him. Farheena was different. Medical tests, physiotherapy, exercises, stimulations, massage,…….. The list was big. Only a mom could do it. So I said 'NO' to death; cancer or no cancer, I did not care. The cost of her medical needs pushed me towards earning. For better earning, I studied. To be there with her on time, I started driving two wheeler. I became more alert. Too keep her safe, I learned about what dangers children face. Later, I helped others in creating awareness.
Being a parent has been exhausting at times. Very rarely I have had short breaks from parenting, maximum being the week long break for my cancer treatment. But honestly, it is worth it and much more.
Today when I look back, I see myself a much better person than I was when I gave birth to Farheena. Wanting to do things for her, I only ended up improving myself. Today, I have no regrets personally, but I have a dream to make our society more acceptable towards people with special needs. Thank you Farheena for giving me a better life.

The Best Picture of My Life

I wanted to have children and play with them even when I was a little girl myself. No wonder when I had children of my own, I loved painting, walking and playing with them until cancer happened. The shock of being diagnosed of Breast Cancer, Stage III at the age of 29, took some fun out of me. Chemotherapy, surgery, picking up broken pieces of life, dealing with relationships, managing finances and other challenges that come with cancer took its toll and I was not the same person I used to be. Somehow the fun activities were pushed into background, despite the fact that I was always there as a caretaker for my kids. Though not a big deal, coping with total hair loss was tough on me and so was losing the symmetry of my body. 

One day my son, who was sitting alone and creating some painting on his own asked me, "Maa, is our lives changed forever? Can we never paint together again?” That was the day I snapped out of my self-pitying role and climbed out of the pit. Nothing was going to stop me from having fun and living my life, especially I was determined not to allow Cancer to steal the love and enjoyment I could share with my children.

It was time again for long walks, games, carom, book reading, and off course painting.

This picture is my favorite photograph because it was captured unknown to us, when we were drowned creating our masterpiece and were totally unaware of the world around us. This still inspires me to snap out of tough times, as I had done earlier. It tells me that happiness lies in small things we enjoy with our family. Since then I have never allowed anything to stop me from having fun and enjoying life to the fullest. It gives me hope and tells me the battle we fight in our lives are really worth it. 

Dear Zindagi - I Love You

Getting On The Driver's Seat

Wish You A Great Year Ahead

Happy birthday Rayyan. 

Rayyan, my wonder boy turns a new leaf in his life today. He is celebrating his 27th birthday by joining BYJU'S, a wise career choice he made keeping in mind how he can be useful to society. He completed his project with his previous company, where he loved working. I am so happy that I have lived to see him grow into a wonderful human being. As I reflect back on the years he has been with me I feel so overwhelmed by his character. He could set a Guinness record for behavior. Never has he fought with anyone, never landed a blow on a single person or animal, not once has he fought with me, never pestered me for anything he needs (he always would let me know what he needs and then will wait until I can get it for him or else we talk and then he will realize I cannot afford it and lets it go at that). Today when he is earning and is financially independent, things haven't changed much  The ‘never’ here is not a general once in while never. It is zero actually a zero score. Am I lucky? You tell me. A young man who will never be awed by someone others will consider big nor will pretend big to someone who others consider small. A sense of equality Rayyan possesses makes me feel guilty. He has changed me a lot in the past 26 years. My daughter has been the reason why I fought cancer fiercely but Rayyan is the person in my life who helped me fight cancer. Even as a young child he would be there to comfort and encourage me. The worst emotional trauma for him was to watch me go bald very soon after I lost my sister. It was too much for a 5 year old to feel he may lose his Mom like he lost his aunt. It was very scary. He was very close to my sister and he loved her very much. He never let me feel hurt though by asking questions or making fuss about how he felt. He suffered silently and I was worried about him. No other child could have dealt with his father the way he does. He is understanding , patient and comforting to him. He is smart enough not to argue with his father like he does with me, my friends and his friends. LOL. He knows which tree bears the fruit. He has a talent for coming up with some wonderful quotes at times which makes sense perfectly for the situation which has me rolling in laughter. I think he is compensation for all the rest of the shit I have in my life. Thank you Rayyan for being such a wonderful son any mother would be proud of. Never once have I regretted having you as a son nor once have I been frustrated. I may never have dared to ask for such a wonderful son ever. Thank you God for considering me worthy enough to have Rayyan in my life. I may have given him birth, but he has given me my life back  He makes such a huge difference to me…………… Happy birthday dear boy.. or should we say man? May you have many more. Love you.
Ma