Friday, May 10, 2019

An Enigma called Farheena

When Farheena was just 8 weeks old, I realised that she will have special needs. The diagnosis predicted she wouldn’t be able to see, walk or talk. Hearing those words is the most scariest thing I have experienced in my whole life. Back then I fiercely wanted to fix this mistake and make my baby alright. Slowly, as life in on, I realised that it is not her, but me and the world around her that needs fixing.
I admire achievers, but there is something very appealing about Farheena. The only way I can vaguely describe her is like being the prasadam among platter of delicious dishes, or like holy water among the bottles of various drinks. I see that she brings out the best in people.
I still remember the day it all started. May 10, 1996 I started experiencing labour pains 12 days earlier than my due date. 18 hours later, I saw a peaceful baby on 11th May, who turned out to be Farheena.
Many see my parenting as a sacrifice, but honestly either all parenting is sacrifice or none of it is.
Farheena is a lovely human being who cannot hide her emotions. She also has sensitiveness to pain, be it physical or emotional in others. She has different perception of things around us. There have been times when I have felt some people are so lucky and happy, when Farheena has told me otherwise. Once, she insisted that a person was in pain, tremendous pain even when she was smiling. Later, it turned out Farheena was right.
No one can imagine what a blessing her presence has been to me. When blinded by false beliefs, we suffer for things that do not even exist. It was Farheena who freed me from most of it, along with her amazing brother. I had no problem being dependent on my husband financially and may be that is the way it would have been forever, if not for Farheena. I fought cancer hard because I wanted to be with her and I feel she is highly responsible for my survival. Off course Rayyan was just 4, but he was very easy going child and anyone could take care him. Farheena was different. Medical tests, physiotherapy, exercises, stimulations, massage,…….. The list was big. Only a mom could do it. So I said 'NO' to death; cancer or no cancer, I did not care. The cost of her medical needs pushed me towards earning. For better earning, I studied. To be there with her on time, I started driving two wheeler. I became more alert. Too keep her safe, I learned about what dangers children face. Later, I helped others in creating awareness.
Being a parent has been exhausting at times. Very rarely I have had short breaks from parenting, maximum being the week long break for my cancer treatment. But honestly, it is worth it and much more.
Today when I look back, I see myself a much better person than I was when I gave birth to Farheena. Wanting to do things for her, I only ended up improving myself. Today, I have no regrets personally, but I have a dream to make our society more acceptable towards people with special needs. Thank you Farheena for giving me a better life.

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