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Monday, July 20, 2015

What Do We Want From Our Children?

What Parents Expect From Children?

Thank You Blogadda
If you were to ask the question ‘What do you want from your children?’ to a parent, they would find it very tough to answer. Gone are those days when you heard parents expecting the son or daughter to be a doctor, engineer, and many other such professionals; these are the days when parents want their children to be all rounder. They have a list of things which they want their children to excel in. The stupid ‘me’ lived in the notion it was wrong for us to pressurize our children to take certain professional of parental choice. The parent species has left me behind and evolved far ahead of that phase.
We see the tension that the set of family goes through when children participate in competitions, write exams, or just play a game with their friends. There is less fun and more competitions nowadays.
All these parents look at me and gravely sympathize with my situation, where I am bringing up one special needs child, and according to them my son is not a great achiever either. What do you have to feel happy about your parenthood? they ask me often. Only if they knew!
I grew up being ambitious and wanting to win everything. May be that killer instinct for victory still lingers inside me. For me, second place always sucked very badly. But somewhere during my growing up years I realized winning isn’t everything, being happy and content is what counts finally in our life. Thank God, the realization did not happen too late, when I would have stolen and squandered away all of my children’s childhood.
Let me first tell out loud what my daughter has done to make me content with my motherhood. What has been her contribution to my life? She is a lovely, innocent child who has something very special about her. I don’t feel sad or depressed ever being around her. For her happiness and sadness are not only short lived, but also easily earned. I learn every day from her life, how unnecessary my worries are. When 16 years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer, I did not have much in my life to look forward to. I was in a unhappy marriage, financial problems in family, my sister was going through last stages of cancer and don’t ask me what else, because the list would be unending. It would have been very easy for me to say, let cancer kill me and free me from all these turmoil. But my daughter, with her innocent smile motivated me to fight for my life. I wanted to live for her and be there for her. There was no way I was going to abandon my special needs child and surrender to cancer, leaving her behind to fight her battle with society all alone. There was mastectomy, chemotherapy and many other things that have saved my life, but one strong power behind my survival has been my daughter. Science may not accept that, but I know deep in heart what is the truth.

She changed me into something totally different from what I was prior to her birth. She gave me courage to stand up and fight for her rights; she inspired me to get myself into a better position so that I can be strong for her, to come out in open and talk.
I do talk a lot; most of the people who know me will acknowledge the fact. Most of us do take speech for granted and go on to say things which may hurt someone in the process. When I see my daughter struggle to convey her message to me, I realize the worth of our speech and how I should not misuse it. This is just a tip of an iceberg, I could name thousands of things my child has done which has made me a happy Maa.
Would I be happy if my daughter was just like any other child, not being my motivation for life and teaching me life lesson? Yes. I know it is tough being a special child and I would do much to make her talk, walk and live comfortably without the struggle. I wish she was normal child, whatever that ‘normal’ is. But, that is not my reason to be unhappy with her or my life as a parent. I know if she would talk, I would want her to excel in communication, brings home prizes from speech competitions and the list would go growing. If she walks, I will expect her to run, and when she runs, I will want her to run ahead of everyone. As a parent I would never be satisfied, unless I pulled down the limits and learned to be happy with what my child is now. There is nothing a child can do to make a parent happy, a parent has to learn acceptance and find happiness in the child.
Being good parents is not giving birth to a perfect child, but looking at the imperfect child perfectly.  

Part II of this post is going to be about my son who is my ‘Compensation’ from God for the rest of accidents that has happened in my life. 

37 comments:

  1. beautiful article and I loved it ..

    I beleive that eahc one us humans is unique and special , we just need eyes to see it ..

    It is our bad luck that we cant see it..

    "Being good parents is not giving birth to a perfect child, but looking at the imperfect child perfectly. "

    BUT

    No one is imperfect.. It is us who are imperfect because we cant see the perfection

    Bikram's

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  2. What could I say ? a real life incident which proved itself life is what we make for ourselves and live. I can understand the feelings that flows every line in this post and also know what survival means from my own life lessons ....
    A well written article !

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  3. Inspiring read as usual. My parents made me run the races though and my life always revolved around winning races to win approval of parents. Probably even today.

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  4. Dear Farida, your positivity is so very inspiring - I hope I can catch some from you. I'm so happy that your lovely Farheena chose you to be her Mom, just as you choose to cherish her love her unconditionally. I watched another friend give her son who had Down's Syndrome all the love and care she could - and I know it took all of her and yet he too gave back so much to her. Farheena and little Emmanuel (that was his name) are truly special and I'm grateful to know them through their Moms. I'm looking forward to reading about Rayyan who looks like a handsome young man!

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  5. Hi , first time on your blog and your outlook towards life is really inspiring.God bless you and your daughter :)

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  6. you know I am reading your post over and over again, its not worth a read....it worth n numer of reads :)

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  7. Wonderfully conveyed Farida. A touching post I must say. Hats off to you. It is never too easy to become a parent of a special needs kids.

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  8. It is how you live life that makes you a winner, Farida, not what you got in the process of living it. You brought that out very beautifully and I think both you and your daughter are winners all the way!

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  9. Goodness..I hope wish and pray that god bestow on you happiness, so much that the miseries of your past become totally forgotten.

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  10. I can so relate to it. Have lived it :-)

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  11. What can I say? My eyes welled up when I read this. You have written it so beautifully and every word is so important and meaningful. Your little daughter is indeed very very special and you are a wonderful parent. Really admire your grit and the way you think. Thank you for such a wonderful post. This is something every parent needs to read and reflect upon.

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  12. It is unfortunate that parents push their children to become allrounders. It is not possible to be great in everything we do. It is not required also. It is better to focus on areas rather than be a generalist. A very nice post.

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  13. Very inspiring chapter from your book as always. This post is an eye opener for all the parents today who are running a mad race so that their child outshines all others in whatever he does. How nice it would be if instead of pushing we instead accepted the qualities that they already have, encouraged them and in the process learnt a lesson or two ourselves. They have much to teach but somehow we always feel we know better or should I say.. best.

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  14. Well written. Aspirations are ok, but unrealistic expectations are dangerous. We tend to expect a lot from the children without understanding the interests, capabilities and limitations of children.I have seen your daughter in one of our blog-meets, and found her to be very sweet, gentle and very contended!She is a real blessing indeed!

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  15. You do have lovely children. And you're right kids teach us a lot. The least we can do for them is to teach them to be happy rather than push them run after things that will never get them happiness.. but will only goad them to run faster and faster. Lovely post.

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  16. That was a beautiful post, Farida. It was immensely inspiring to read about you and your children.

    God bless.

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  17. very inspiring.. its not easy being a parent for a special needs kids.. but your outlook on life is very motivating.. beautiful write up

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  18. Farida..what a touching post. You are one brave lady and I always admire your courage. You are so positive about things. I have so much to learn from your attitude.

    Congrats for the Tangy Tuesday pick on Blogadda :)

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  19. Agree with LP... You're one brave lady, Farida!

    It's heartening to see you raise children the way they should, rather than giving into pressure from society. Obviously they will turn out to be awesome :)

    Great work :)

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  20. Wow what a post! I salute your attitude towards parenting & courage to fight with life. Just few days back even I wrote about parents competitiveness in making their child "perfect". Loved reading your views.

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  21. I like your last statement about perfection and imperfection.

    We waste a lot of time, thought,and energy trying to be perfect regarding things that will not change. We know it, but we still dream, wish, and compromise striving for something that isn't going to happen; instead of focusing on the things that are moving along and working in our lives.

    Perhaps many more special needs people are saving our lives as your daughter saved yours. They have many reasons and purposes for being here, just as we do. I'm glad God chose you to be her mother.

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  22. Beautiful and straight from the heart :)

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  23. Admin
    what a touching post. You are one fearless woman and I generally appreciate your strength. You are so certain about things. I have such a long way to go from your state of mind.
    Dharmendar Rai

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  24. It's really beautiful article.. Thanks for sharing..

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  25. Thanks for Sharing Very Useful Articles ..
    Saurabh Kumar Singh

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