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Friday, August 9, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 89

The Living Being

Around 2004, I had attended a 5 day workshop for women on self-awareness and life-skills. I had great time at the workshop and enjoyed it a lot. I should agree, even in that short period of time, it brought about a change in me.
In one of sessions the topic was about being forgiving and loving all people around us with an open mind. People often deal with others relying on their past experiences which can affect their interaction and communication with that person. The trainer challenged us to go back to our families like clean slates and try being loving to everyone. He asked us to try to find a reason to love the person in front of us and give him feedback the next day.
I was brimming with new found wisdom and as soon as I went home, I announced that I am going to be a loving person towards everyone hereafter. I narrated to my mom and sister-in-law, word to word about what the trainer had said. As we were sitting and chatting, a very creepy bug started crawling towards us. Stricken by panic, we started searching for something to throw it out (or may be kill it, I am not sure), when Rayyan calmly asked me, “Maa, did you not say that you have gained wisdom and will be loving everyone hereafter?” “Dear child, please throw this horrible, scary looking bug out and I will explain everything to you. Get something fast”. I was worried that it would crawl somewhere and disappear. That would mean scary nightmares for many days to come. Honestly, it was a very ugly and scary. “So, that bug is not included in your all? I thought everyone is included when you said you will be wiser and love all with an open mind hereafter” Rayyan asked. I looked at him with surprise before opening my mouth, “Why should a bug be included when I say I will love all?” It looked like I was losing love for most of the people like Rayyan along with the bug. “Why is it not included? It is also a living being, right?” What is a living being? I wondered while my mom was having good time listening to him. “Rayyan, I meant I will love all human beings hereafter. Not bugs and worms and all those creepy things”. I sounded quite confident though I wasn’t feeling the same. “Really maa? Only people? Aren’t there creepy human beings? What about them? Will you love all those who do things that you consider is not right? Will you love all those people who belong to sect or group or nationality you don’t like? Will you be really able to love all, even after narrowing down to people which means less than 1% of all living creatures in this world?” At this my mom threw me a questioning look and challenged me to answer him. All of a sudden the ‘ALL’ was reducing to lesser and lesser quantity and it looked as though I would be struggling to love a few. I realized the hatred, the prejudices, feeling of superiority we feel over other creatures and many things are a part of us. It is not easy to change all of a sudden. “I will love all good people who deserve to be loved” I said defiantly. Just a moment ago I was feeling so wise, generous and good; but all it took was a bug and a son to take it all away from me. Naturally, I was upset. “How will you decide who is good and who is bad? It all depends on a perception we have. For an atheist a religious person may not be good, and vice versa. How will you decide who to love? If you really want to experience love, start with this bug. Decide now that it is worth loving. There is no reason for us not to love it. What begins with the hatred of bug will continue to grow. It will never end. You will hate everything that you think is ugly. You will hate people who you think are bad. You will feel superior to animals because you can live differently from them. People with all the knowledge they have are incapable of loving. You may say all, but I feel it is difficult to round it off to even a hundred”. All the while the bug had crawled up the threshold of our door and sat there as though it was waiting for me to make my decision. I kind of felt it was laughing at me as well. After sometime, it just crawled out into the darkness as though it had given up any hope of me loving it.
The bug was gone, but my mom and my son were still there in front of me. I was wondering how could I make them crawl out into the darkness like the bug did, when I suddenly realized that we are very easily prone to anger and hatred than love. Here I wanted these two people I loved to crawl out because they made me uncomfortable.
The next day, when I narrated the incident to the trainer, everyone were in splits since they found it very funny, especially after the training we had undergone the previous day. Yet, after sometime during the break, the trainer came over to me and said that his faith in what he was teaching was shaken.
The living being and Rayyan being one of them has been coming up very often in our discussions. He is not a gender, nation, professional, or anything but a living being is what he says. Whenever humans behave in a stupid or cruel way, I avoid facing Rayyan because somehow I have ended up with a thought in my mind that we are different species and I, the human, is embarrassed to face the living being. He has said it so often, that somewhere down the line I started believing in it.
Recently, when a child rape and murder incident happened, for some reason it hit me hard. It always does, but some cases have pierced my soul. Even though I was cornered that day when the discussion of love happened, I can confidently say, “I love all children” without any doubt. Throughout my life, I have never felt hatred towards any child. When we were done with dinner, I blurted out, “How could someone do this to a child? How can people be so cruel? After all she was just an innocent child!” At this Rayyan answered, “Why is it surprising maa? Aren’t this the way people are? I am very sad about what happened to her, but I am not shocked, nor am I surprised. After being regularly cruel to other species, this is where we end. When we decide who we can kill for profit, for greed, for gluttony, for hate, this is where it leads to. You are hurt now because it is a human child. Would you feel the same anger if that was a calf, chick or any other species than the humans? That is where we go wrong. We need to change from the start. We need to stop throwing chicks to feeder which we feed the hens with and other such cruelties. Only then we can reach the end where we can show love to human children”.
I, the human, who belongs to the species who have highest cruelty factor, shut my mouth though in my heart I know I hate paedophiles/child rapists more than anyone else. But Rayyan, the living being doesn’t feel the shame along with me because he has not yet made the decision to belong here. He is one of all those different living beings that dwell in this universe. From the day I called him monkey and he got excited about it as a child, he has been the same. Though I know that the apple doesn’t fall far from its tree and I see this through my writings that I had similar thoughts; it is being where he is that is tough for me. Thinking on similar lines can be achieved.

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