Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Parenting.. the role of father.

                                                                     Daddy's Girl

Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
My husband came to India on 22nd of November. Today he went back to Sharjah to join his duty. The emotions my children went through were mixed. They have been used to single parenting by me for all their life and it is difficult for them to adjust to their father’s way of disciplining, loving, caring etc. Also he is not secular like me and they have difficulty adjusting to his rigid religious life style. So, maybe they are relieved that they are back to single parenting by their mother with whom they have developed good rapport and have not much problems. At the same time they have the love towards their father and they feel sad that he works alone in gulf without a family, love and security a home gives. This reminded me of the article I have gone through which was a talk given by Mr. Ali Khwaja about parenting. It is very sad that my children and husband miss out much of their precious relationship. Hope something changes quickly because it is already too late.

                                                               Daddy's Boy
A loving father is always a best friend of his son.

Talk by Ali Khwaja...............
  1. Father's role: The first step towards good parenting is to realize the fact that the word "parenting" is a combination of TWO words: Mothering and Fathering. No amount of one can compensate for the other. So, a father is as important to the kid as is the mother. So, it's time the men woke up who think raising kids is the woman's job and all they have to do is come home and watch TV..........
    2. Listen to your child: When the child comes back from school, he/she has stories to tell like, this girl pulled that girl's hair, this person threw water on that person, this person fought with that person.......LISTEN to the child. He/she is NOT telling you about the event per se. It's their feelings about the event that they are expressing. To the child, YOU are the world. They vent out their feelings to YOU. YOU have to understand them and respond in an appropriate manner. If the kid is excited about something, you can listen to her/him and gently prod to make them reveal what THEY feel about the event. Maybe, you can explain to them that it's not good to fight/throw water on other people. This will make the child feel important and loved. Just HEARING them is NOT enough, LISTEN to them, understand them...........when these kids reach adolescence, they'll confide in you and are less likely to go wrong in choosing their paths. BECOME YOUR CHILD'S FRIEND.......
    3. Be their role models: In the world of today, where children face a severe lack of role-models, be one yourself. No matter how much you lecture, the only way kids learn is by example. If you honestly pay your taxes, children will learn the importance of being honest towards Government. If only you maintain your calm most of the times, children will learn to stay calm themselves. Children may make BAD learners but they make EXCELLENT imitators. So, watch what you do. Your children are watching you ALL THE TIME.
    4. Answer children's questions honestly: Children are curious and their first target for their questions are parents. When a child walks up to you to ask an explanation for something he/she doesn't understand, NEVER answer it as "When you'll grow up, you'll understand" or "Don't ask silly questions". As such our Education system works overtime in killing our children's curiosity. DO NOT ADD TO THAT! You may not always know the answer, true. But guide the children towards the PROPER sources for answers. And confess it honestly, if you don't know. Sometimes, the answers may not fall within the regime of child's understanding. SIMPLIFY things but do answer your kids' queries. In this age of information technology, it's not particularly difficult for the child to dig the information out. WHERE the child gets the information from (whether the source is authentic/proper) is something YOU can have a say in. If you answer the child in an honest and simplified way, the child may ask more questions but a little bit of your patience in such instances can save a lot of confusion the child may face if he/she gets the same information in a distorted way from somewhere else.
    5. Treat children as if they matter: A lot of children grow up as creatures excluded from the running of the house (because "they won't understand much of it anyway"). They don't learn routine things like money management as their opinions are never sought. They are never made to understand the importance of managing money. Start these lessons early and who knows; when you ask the kid for his/her opinion, he/she may really give you an altogether different perspective.
    6. Accept your child's uniqueness: Every child is unique. By comparing the child with ANYONE else (it could be the sibling, the neighbour, the classmate), you kill the child's self-esteem. NEVER compare. Encourage the activities child is good at. Be involved in their life. Stand by them when they face difficulties. Children do tend to feel lonely if their parents aren't worried about what they are doing and how they are doing it.
    IN short, Parenting is a job more involved than any other but the rewards are rich!!!!! These very children will grow up to treat you with respect if you respect them when they were kids. So, start early and invest in parenting continuously.


  1. I'm sorry your husband has to spend so much time away from you and your children.

    I love all the stuff the speaker said, and agree with it. It's very good advice.

  2. Hi Farida ,Mr Khwaja's talk is good .It's time that even Fathers take the responsibilties of parenting.They needn't have to assist in the household chores ,but the time devoted exclusively for the kids is worth it.I always tell my husband to spend some classic time with my son.

  3. Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth really nice quote ..keep writing !!

  4. Hats of to you for your grit and determination in bringing up your children alone though your hubby does not stay very far away.

  5. I am sure it must be hard at times without your husband! This is a great post about parenting!

  6. Those are wonderful parenting tips and I agree completely with you that kids should be encouraged to ask question rather than saying don't ask silly question.
    Father is equally important for kids but hats off to you that you are doing it wonderfully.

  7. combination of word
    nice post

  8. That was a very sweet blog. Hope your kids and husband get together sooner, forever!

  9. Very important message, Farila.

    I'm fairly good at most of what was mentioned, and so is my husband; but, the last point - accepting a child's uniqueness - is one that I continue to work on.

    It's a fine line between knowing how far to push them academically (like the Tiger Mom) and being sure that they have time for the things that they are naturally passionate about.

    Best wishes and blessings to your family and the relationships between you all.

  10. found this very interesting because even i have been a single parent most of the time as my husband also works out and my ten year old son is sure becoming a handful. am a working mother too , so after a long day at the hospital sometimes its difficult to maintain your coolness when things dont fall into place as you would like them to. i have saved this page and when ever i lose my cool , would get back here and read this. thanks.

  11. As a stay at home Father, I could never understand the issues you and your family have gone through, though I do feel for you. Your views on the Role of a Father where spot on. I agree with all of them and believe that this list should be given to all fathers to study. I was excited to read a Mother's take on this subject.

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