Two Pony Tails and One Tale with a Happy Ending…

Those were the days filled with fun, studies and games. Time just flew past me from morning till evening, without internet or TV. Hmmm .....pick up that jaw which you have dropped down, because life without TV and Internet can be fun too, or at least it was in my childhood.

I loved school and books. My mom used to have our hair cut short and trimmed often, so that it would be easy for her to manage time in the morning more than as a fashion statement. Without the shampoos to turn our hairs silky, it was a great ordeal in the morning to comb and tie up our hair neatly. In addition, when left alone, the hair would turn coarse with lots of split ends because we did not have the ‘Dove Split End Rescue System’ back then. 

Once I was in first standard, I decided I was grown up enough to have plaits of my own. Somehow, I was cajoled, given a chocolate and taken to the barber for trimming my hair. Half way through the hair cut I decided I did not want short hair and started to wail at the top of my voice. The barber snipped his hands, mumbled at first and then loudly growled at my aunt. 

My aunt who had accompanied me as my sister refused, tried to console me, and said in a soft voice somehow she could manage, “Beti, people will make fun of you if you don’t cut your hair now. Have you seen anyone with half trimmed hair?”  I replied between sobs, “I do not want short hair. Stick back the hair you have cut from my head and make it look nice once again”. I started to wail louder now. Two people who were waiting to get their hair cut left, another started pulling out his hair vehemently. The barber looked around for some solution, and then started peering at the knife he kept on the table.

My aunt promised me 5 big chocolates if I went ahead and had my hair cut to which I succumbed once again. With mouth shut, but tears still dripping I was given a hair cut which looked quite weird. When questioned by my aunt, the barber gave her such a nasty look that she paid him and walked out quietly.

Back home, they decided that they will allow me to grow hair, horn or whatever I wanted on my head to avoid those loud screeching wails in public places. 

The drama I created in the barber shop had given me two thick pony tails by the end of the second standard and memories to be treasured forever due to an incident which happened later, which was directly connected to my ponytails. My hair was so thick that it could not be plaited when it was short. Two white ribbons adorned my head, and I loved them. 

When I stood first in my second standard final exams, my father presented me a wrist watch which was beautiful. After a few months of watching over the watch at home I decided to wear it to school. I wasn't very sure because I was still in third standard (Indian way of grading) and no one sported watches that early. Some students in 6th or 7th std wore them but not lower class students. Any way I went ahead and wore the watch as it was a gift for my achievement and it made me proud.

What I did not know back then was that wrist watches were worn on left hand, therefore I strapped it on my right hand and marched to school, as two pony tails bounced happily on my head. The response was good. All congratulated me and they said it was very pretty. No one could make out I was wearing it on the wrong hand. Most of my classmates asked me for time and I proudly told them what time it was. Life couldn't be better than this.

  At break, I finished my lunch quickly and then sat    at my favorite spot reading a comic which I had brought along with me.  After all the attention I got in the morning, I wanted to be alone and quite for some time. It was when I was totally immersed in the comic book pictures that this boy arrived haughtily on his bicycle and asked me what the time was. I hesitated a while, why should I answer him, but then replied “one seven”, at which point he burst out laughing. I felt embarrassed that may be I did not read the time properly and looked again at my watch. I knew I was right.

Then he said, “Silly girl, no one says one seven one eight etc. they say one, one five, one ten and so on. And you are wearing your watch on the wrong hand. Why don’t you learn to wear it properly and also to read the time before showing it off?”

He had provoked the terrible anger in me and now we both were in trouble for sure, because, whenever I was angry I landed in trouble and he had to be trouble because he was the source of it. I felt the heat burning my cheeks. I felt an urge to say something mean to him but couldn't find words to express my anger.

 At last I blurted “If you are that smart then make one of those many mothers you have to present you a watch and stop asking me the time”. 

I didn't knew what happened next because there was sudden change in his expression … It was as though I had taken a knife and put it through his heart. Before that, if someone told me people can physically change colors I would not have believed them but he changed few hues and then looked so dark all of sudden that I was scared.  I put up the bravest face I could manage and looked him straight avoiding only his eyes. 

He slowly came over to me, caught hold of my precious pony tail and pulled it so hard that I had shooting pain not only in my head but also in my neck. I thought I must have lost the pony tail for which I had fought  so hard two years ago.

Image Courtesy The Animator

I could not believe that someone could dare to pull my precious hair. My teachers did not punish me nor did my parents for silly things. No one ever had touched my hair since the barber incident; other than my mother who combed it every morning. And here, someone just walked up asking about  time, making fun of me and now was walking away after hurting me so bad. I wanted to pluck every single strand of hair from his scalp, but I did not dare to touch him because he had appeared very wild for a while. Even before this happened I was a bit afraid of him, as he came to our school occasionally from nowhere. Our Physical Trainer who was in charge of discipline during the lunch period was absent for that day and I did know whom to approach.

At last I went to the office room of the school and sat crying as I couldn't find anyone in there either. I involuntarily changed the watch and strapped on my left hand.  In a short while the mother superior of the convent, Mother Claudia walked in.Oh No! My heart skipped few beats. Everyone was afraid of her. She was the most stern of all the staff. Short, a bit stout with white hair peeking out from the head scarf, she sent a shiver down my spine and all of a sudden I wanted to forget everything and go back. 

Somehow there was no escape as she would ask me why I was in office room, moreover, I just couldn't let the matter end like that. So I became bold enough to talk to her, though it was the first time I was going to talk to her. She approached me and looked at me and asked me what the matter was that I was in the office room crying. Her voice was kind and soft which encouraged me to talk. In between sobs I narrated the incident, making a slight change that I had only asked him to buy a watch of his own when he suddenly attacked me.

She had me seated near her and sent for him. Meanwhile she told me that was a beautiful watch I was wearing. I told her it was a gift from my dad for standing first. At this point she smiled and said she was very happy with the way I had written my exams. I was surprised to know that she had seen my papers and moreover remembered them. She said my papers were so good that my teacher Mary had shown it to her and she was very amazed by the fact that there were no mistakes at all.

 Getting praised by mother superior had made me happy, thus, by the time he walked in my sobs had vanished. She asked him why he had pulled my hair. I was afraid that he would accuse me with something I had said and also what I had not said. But he did not say anything other than “sorry mother, I lost my temper. I will not do it again.” Mother scolded him for being rude and then said “I want you to apologize”. He turned to me and said “sorry”.

 Mother superior started to open the ledger in front of her thinking it was the end of the matter. I was aghast. I expected something more from her as she was known for harsh punishment to erring students. I had already become bold and so went on “mother he pulled my hair”. She looked up at me quizzically. I fumbled for words but said something which sounded like  “I want you to pull his hair too, because he has hurt me and if by saying sorry he can get away with it then he will do it again”. Mother was surprised and amused to hear me talk like that. She said calmly, “I can’t pull his hair. He has realized that he has made a mistake and he has sincerely apologized. You can now go back to your class”.

“No I won’t go back to my class until he is punished. Even before he pulled my hair I hated him, and now I want him punished”.

“Why? ” asked Mother Claudia, but even before the word was out of her mouth I had started off,“Because God has given him everything. It is not fair for someone to be perfect when others are not. He can play well, he is not afraid, and he is very beautiful. I hate his perfect face and feel like scratching it to make it look normal. I hate him. You all shower so much of love on him. He should be punished more………..” I just blurted everything out very fast and suddenly stopped fearing the outcome of this outburst and stood staring at the floor. To my astonishment I heard nothing. I looked up to find the mother smiling broadly at me and also the boy was smiling now. I got confused as to why it was so. Mother said slowly “if I pull your hair will you say something nice to me?” and she laughed openly now. The first time I had seen her laugh. She slowly pulled my hair and said “you sure have a way of praising people”. It was then that he walked to me bent his head and said “ OK. Here. Pull my hair as hard as you want”. I don’t know why I did not feel like pulling his hair. For one, he was a big boy and it appeared silly of me to pull his hair right then.  I said “ OK, I will accept the sorry. I will go back to my class now. Thank you mother”. I was feeling uncomfortable and uneasy and wanted to bolt out of there as soon as possible, though I did not know what had happened.

So that is how it began. From then on whenever mother superior was near me she would slightly tug my pony tail and give me a questioning look, which said "What do you have to say about me?" 

The boy later approached me when I was walking towards my class and said in a sincere voice,“I am so sorry I made fun of you. You are really very bold girl directly complaining to mother superior. But I want to thank you for what you said. I never thought someone could be jealous of me. I am an orphan and I live in Abhayadhama. There are people who pity me a lot but you are the first person who got jealous of me. It made me feel good”. 

I did not say anything much that day, because I was confused with so many different things happening within the short span of 23 minutes – yeah I had checked the time on my new watch. By realizing that he was from an orphanage connected to our school, took out my negative feelings for him and I could now really appreciate his good qualities.

 From then on we became good friends and would talk sometimes when we met. Even to this day I don’t see someone who has been a better friend to me than him. When his term was finished and he had to go away, he said that he would never wear a watch, because asking time could win him another good friend. When I surprisingly met him 15 years later when I was travelling, I knew he was serious about what he said back then. 

So that is how the tragic tale of my ponytails ended in a happy ending…

This post is a part of a contest organized by Dove on Indiblogger. 

I promote Girl Child Infanticide..Yes! You got it right!

Blog about any social cause you are passionate about, and its potential solution as a part of blogging contest organized by iDiya. I read this on Indiblogger and said it is time to write about issues regarding women, given that, being a woman blogger it is expected from me. After pondering deeply over the women’s issues I want to write about, my head is spinning now as I recall reading about the rising crime against women in India.

Child rape has been on rise, the age drastically falling down to 3 or less. Child prostitution is on rise. Abuse and rapes of women on streets, even in the metros are becoming common. Another problem that is prevailing in India is the girl child infanticide, which survey tells is common even among educated people who know and can afford the procedure. Many of the NGO’s, government of India and doctors have joined their hands together to eradicate this social evil which is a shame for civilized society. I would have happily joined the force and promoted the cause, only if I had known how is this really going to benefit the girl child.
Are we really looking from a distance where we can see the whole picture clearly?

Normally this is how it goes-

A woman is pregnant with a child, whose sex the couple and their family do not know. In normal situation, in absence of any psychological abnormality in the people, the woman would gestate for 9 months and give birth to a baby who will be lovingly accepted and loved by everyone.  In case of some severe psychological abnormality present in the people, they would decide to have a male progeny and only male progeny because of various reasons which are all baseless, which again shows the immaturity of these people.

The dumb reasons -

1)      The male child will be the heir to their family – Unfortunately the stupidity of this whole drama of waaris, or name carrier  is that the boy cannot give birth to the child which is going to continue their lineage. He will have to marry a girl who has been brought into this world by people who are smarter than his own parents.

2)      The male child will remain with the parents and take care of them- Really? Other than the legendary Shravana Kumara or some other mythological being I have read about,  I have yet to see a male child who is dedicated to taking care of the parents, in more sincere manner than a girl child would. Bite me if I am wrong. These dumb people who are thinking in terms of being taken care of by their male child are actually again dependent on the girl child whom he is going to marry. The daughter in law is often given the responsibility of taking care of them, which is if they are lucky. So often we hear news about how the son assaulted the parents who refused to give money for drinks, how they are kicked out of their homes for their properties, insulted and killed all for some trivial reasons. Give me the ratio of such crimes committed by daughters if the other digit is not zero.

3)      Girl child should be married off and given hefty dowry for doing so- Is this really important? Are women all over the world paying men hefty money to marry them, be enslaved by them and treat them like dirt? Is this not the result of those dumb people who were allowed to give birth to girl child who bring her up by stripping her off her confidence, trust, respect, love and education? Give the daughter the same love, respect, care, education and encouragement you give to your sons and no one will dare ask dowry from this empowered woman. The people who are paying dowry are falling into the pit they have dug for themselves.

4)      Some Indians believe that a father who does not have a son will go to hell called PU. Putra means one who saves the father from the hell Pu. OK, so the ticket to heaven is based on one of the copulations with wife and determination of the sex of progeny? I would think twice before coming to that conclusion.

5)      When a girl child is born we spend our lives being worried for their safety- Is this not the result of your own failure to teach the sons to respect the women? It we bring up the men teaching those values, they will not look at everything with a skirt, sari, or dress as a sex object. We teach them from birth that women are meant to serve them and that is how they have learnt to rape and treat women bad.

The government will introduce stricter laws; people will not be allowed to follow gendercides. What happens to the girls that are forced to be born to these dumb, prejudiced and cruel people who wanted to kill her before she even opened her eyes? Some may kill her after she is born in a way where they will not be held responsible. Some common practices of infanticide are strangulation, poisoning, abandonment, dumping the baby along with garbage,  drowning, live burials, starving the new born baby,  stuffing her mouth with salt, or leaving her outdoors either in cold biting nights, or in burning sun until she dies of exposure. If she somehow overcomes this hurdle and survives, she will be looked down upon as an unwanted burden, not educated, respected, nor encouraged to be empowered in the society. She grows being subordinate to her brother and father, at times being abused by them, later to be sold like some cattle to people who will marry her to their son expecting her to bear sons to continue their progeny.

Then if she bears a girl child, she will be forced to abort her baby. In case she refuses, she will be subjected to torture, humiliation and even death threats. The law and police will be again showing sympathy with her family because their minds are lying low and stinking in the gutters as they are coming from the same patriarchal society. The mother is accused for bearing girl child. The circle continues forever.

What right do we have to force these people who are not fit to be humans, leave alone parents, to have girl child? Is it right to subject the girl child to continuous humiliation and torture in name of stopping gendercide? We don’t have right to take away a life, but do we have right to subject a young baby to torture, humiliation and abuse for a life time? Only people who can care and love a daughter deserve to have her, not just every dumb and stupid person who does not know her value. I prefer encouraging those people who prefer the male child to go ahead and have them. I suggest that we stop preventing them from determining the sex of the child. It is going to create imbalance, which is already seen in states like Punjab and Haryana. One day when they cannot find the girl to marry their sons they will realize the value of the girl child. The society will learn to respect the girls and value them when they realize that those male progenies cannot carry forward their family names without a girl.

If daughters are born only in families which will love and respect them, then their future will be bright. They will be protected, educated and loved, thus giving them confidence to live their lives respectfully in the society. These people will never marry their daughters into families who demand dowry and ill treat their women. These girls, who have grown up with confidence, will look forward to having a child, not just a son, because they will know that gender does not make any difference. Along with those fetuses will die the patriarch society which uses women like doormats.

I am mother and I love my son and my daughter equally. The best compliment I give my son is “Beta you are so understanding and caring that you are like a daughter to me”. The clever young man acknowledges this compliment without questioning me because he knows the worth of being a woman in someone’s life, especially a mother’s life. 

http://www.isb.edu/idiya/

This blog post is a part of iDiya which is ISB's National Social Venture Competition that aims to stimulate, enable and develop high-impact, self-sustaining social businesses in India, who are partnering with Indichange where bloggers are allowed to blog about any social cause they are passionate about, and its potential solution. If there are any inspiring people or organizations working towards solving it, blog about them as well.

Uff yeh Uppama Bloggers Meet

A tiny group of Bangalore Indibloggers got together over a bowl of Uppama and Ice creams, when rest of the bloggers were bored with their routine life. The most important part of this bloggers meet was not the dvd’s T-shirts or pen drives, but an excellent Uppama prepared by the smart bachelor with potatoes(?) and other veggies.  The taste of the Uppama was so good that in the end everyone unanimously voted to call the meet as Bangalore Bloggers Uppama Meet, and I am very sure every blogger present there feels honored to be a part of this unique group.

The bloggers met at Suresh. C's (yeah yeah the guy with few hairs who makes fun of you) apartment which is one of the most spacious one you will find in BTM 1^st stage. Honestly he could entertain a group of 25-50 people comfortably at his place.  I was held up with Farheena and her rehearsals so could not be there earlier, but reached on time to save one single blogger who was left out of the group of fictional writers and future millionaires of the blogging world.

During the surf excel meet, I had heard beautiful voice from behind which described the functioning of vibrating molecules with such details that it had left with everyone else with a feeling of being hit by a thunder, including the one who asked the question. I met the source of that voice at this meet, who was sweet Radha. Unfortunately I can never look at her without thinking about the vibrating molecules.

It as a world of books, serenity and bloggers chit chat... Wonderful way to spend an evening for a blogger, when I say this I don’t have any intention of making those who missed this opportunity to be jealous. Book lovers, if there is a place on earth you should invade then it is here and here in Suresh’s home. This is wrong timing for me to chance upon those books; as I barely have time to scratch my head which itches due to dandruff, leave alone steal books and read them. For time being, I am not invading Suresh’s home for those books or Uppama.

It was bliss for fiction writers, as this meet included some wonderful discussions, tips and topics regarding fiction writing. Though discussed in hushed tones, I have a blueprint of the next fiction best seller that is going to hit the market.

I got an Uff Yeh Emotions book for free from one of authors. Guess who. It is a collection of 11 award winning love stories.  I have read one of them so far, ‘A Path of Thorns which is written by Suresh C. The narration is excellent, especially the details about people and their thoughts. The people in the story are not some extraordinary people, though the heroine has some positive qualities you can appreciate. What I loved about the story is the way the hero accepts his follies and behaves like a man with desires rather than being a saint, which is so common in our Indian fictions. This is a piece of entirely professional work, from a great writer in the making. It is written in impeccable language, great visualization and good topic for story. Looking forward to more stories from the author. 

Pratibha - Celebrating Ability

Pratibha – 2013 by FAME India

The much awaited cultural program Pratibha, the Special Talents Day was organized by FAME India at the JSS auditorium on 2^nd March 2013. Like Shefali mentioned, it was a Habba, a festival and a celebration. The colorful event which showcased the efforts of the staff and students in preparation of the props and accessories required for the event left everyone present spell bound. More than anything, the show which flowed smoothly like a knife through the butter with perfect performance by the differently abled children was more than praise worthy. I have attended quite a few school cultural events in my life time because I am involved in preparing children for the programs, but honestly I have never been impressed so much with any event ever in my life.

The Guest of Honor was Mr.Manikandan Kumar, the gold medal winner in para climbing event at the World Sport Climbing Championships in Paris. The young lad, whose right leg is affected by Polio had bolted up the 15 meter wall ahead of 21 professional climbers from across the world to snatch the gold. Not many know about the tough climb of this young man through the wall of poverty which could be tougher than any competition he faces in sports. A humble person of few words he impressed the audience with his simplicity.

The school gives away the Pratibha awards to people who contribute to the society. The award of 2013 was given to Ms.Yvonne Lomax ofBelgaum who runs a Home for the Homeless. Click here to know more about her amazing contribution to the society, as it would be injustice if I write about her in a sentence.

Mr. Nadathur Sarangapani Raghavan an Indian industrialist, one of the seven founders of Infosys Technologies and the founder of the School, Mr S Vaitheeswaran, MD and CEO of Manipal Global Education services, Mrs Janaki Vishwanath the glue that has held the institution together for years were present on the stage.

The introduction was given by a student, who delivered quite a big narration. WOW! That is what I could say. Regarding the crowd, this was a different situation from the one we are used to in Byndoor where Farheena studied previously. I remember how we had to plead with the parents and relatives to come to the cultural program of her school to encourage children, and finally resort to rope in school children as audience. The huge auditorium here was jam packed with excited parents who had almost forgotten even to breathe, as they looked ahead to see their children on the stage. I could see the surprise on Rayyan’s face, when he looked around, for it was clear even he did not expect such crowd.

The Principal of the school Mrs. Kalaivani Raipet deserves accolades for handling the event in such an effective manner that everything went smoothly like a well oiled engine. The challenge for the staff to train their students with Cerebral Palsy, Down ’s syndrome, Intellectual disability, learning disability, autism, and mobility related challenges is not an easy task. I have been hearing about the training and rehearsals from Farheena from past 2 months so I know how it went…

Chauffeuring Farheena to school every day in absence of her regular transport, I have seen the students of FAME India from close quarters.  The attraction of the children is their untouched innocence. Their communication is free of all the style, pretence and artificial flair, so is their thoughts like the special angels. Most of them are very polite and courteous. The wonderful angels like Swati, Pooja, Nikhil, and others have won my heart. I wish I did not have to work so that I could spend more time with these amazing angels from whom we can learn so many lessons of our lives.

The colorful event was not an exhibition of talent by the children, but a festivity to be enjoyed by one and all to repeat the words of MCP Shefali. The program started and ended exactly as scheduled. The annual report showed the diversity and integrity of the program followed by the school, where they prepare their wards to function as much as possible in their surroundings. Like the principal mentioned it was a moment of joy for me when Farheena prepared cucumber salad for my sister’s family, handling knife deftly, for the lunch we had arranged for them. She has gained the confidence by helping out the school kitchen along with her friends. 

The theme was about the journey of India, through her glorious days where she was ruled by wealthy kings, the arrival of British and other Europeans as traders, how they took advantage of the internal conflicts among the Indian rulers and established colonial rule in the land. The scene then shifted to the freedom movement and later on to India after Freedom. The message about acceptance, respect and love for the girl child was also included in the theme without taking it out of rhythm.

Every student was given a part and a chance to be there on the stage. They were shrewdly fitted into the parts which they could manage. A boy who walks with support was smartly given the part of Gandhi so that two of his assistants could make him walk around without it looking out of place. The children who could not follow orders were made to sit in the Durbar or stand as the part of the group. It was not just hard work on part of the organizers, but extremely smart handling of the students.

During one of the performance, a girl tried to get off the stage to join her mother in audience, sending panic through everyone. The incident is an eye opener that the staff does take risk even with their students who exhibit behavioral problems instead of pushing them to the back stage. Putting the interest of students ahead of success is something I appreciate very much.

The whole program was a play of colors, innocence of the students and efforts of the staff. Some of the moments that touched my heart were when Kittur Rani Chenamma pulled out her sword with such a vehemence which was enough to scare the British out of India if there were here, when Miss World Aishwarya broke into dance steps as the music started, the cutest Abdul Kalaam peering through his flowing tresses, and the smartest Dr.Ambedkar preparing the constitution of India. The dance and performance of the students was astounding to say the least. They stomped their feet and flayed their arms as though their life depended on it.

Who would have thought of involving special children in a puppet show that brought out the terrible happening at Jalianwala bagh where thousands were mercilessly massacred by the colonial rulers? Hats off to Mrs. Revati who prepared the students for the show.  She also created the puppets, the show appliances and everything required from scratch with the help of students, staff and volunteers.

The program ended with the students holding a giant flag of India and shouting Jai Hind at the top of their voices. A great successful event which left every one thrilled. It almost moved me to tears to see the tremendous performance by children who have been challenged by their lives.

I saw some of the parents walking away with their child as soon as their performance was over. I wish everyone would stay back and enjoy the whole event, as there is so much of effort put by the children to bring out such performance. Every child up there on the stage is a part of the whole unit of which includes our own special child. For me, every scene was special and my hands are still aching due to the loud clapping I did involuntarily.

Now let me write regarding Farheena’s first experience at the Pratibha. I had seen the excitement in Farheena regarding her tiny part as a British trader who looks at the wealth of India and then decides to loot India. She told me that she carries a gun and shoots it in the air. One day she came home and told me that she does not shoot the gun anymore. I did not take her seriously, but encouraged her to do whatever she can as much as possible and have fun. So, she was excited again to try out her outfit in the rehearsals and walk around the stage looking at the wealth, spices and other goods spread there as a staff member helped her.

Where I messed up is that I did not expect her to get jitters on the final day neither did I realize that she wanted to hold the gun. This is my first experience with Farheena going on the stage in front of huge crowd, therefore I failed to inform the school that she could be nervous.  Unfortunately, the big day turned out to be a nightmare for her when she was scared without her support person who she expected to accompany her on the stage. The bright lights, the crowd, the noise and being alone confused and scared her a lot; again this was her first experience in front of such a big crowd. I could see her being very nervous when she took her steps, and then went back. I can just imagine the cajoling that would have been needed by the school to send her on the stage. If this is the case of one student, I cannot imagine what effort had gone to extract such huge performances from rest of their wards.

Rayyan and I were both disappointed that we did not get a glimpse of her pretty face as the scared girl turned away from the crowd. The most beautiful event of the whole evening awaited me when I went to collect Farheena from the back stage. When everyone was busy handling the event, which does demand a lot of attention, her fellow student Pooja sensing Farheena’s fear was trying to pacify her saying everything is going to be alright. Don’t worry. That was so awesome gesture from a special needs child. The love and concern she showed for Farheena is what a school should teach their children.

As Farheena shared the seat with us she pointed the banner Rayyan had created for the school and said that he is more important there …did I sense I hint of anger or jealousy? I am not sure. Anyway it was the stupid Maa who had told her proudly that the banner up there is created by Rayyan. I know this is not to be said the next time. After sitting there with a droopy face she asked Rayyan whether he had got her picture to share with her friends on facebook, especially her American friends who were waiting for pictures. When Rayyan showed her the pictures he had clicked she was more upset that her face was hidden. She pointed at a girl in front of us and said she hated her because she carried the gun instead of her.

Farheena in the light blue dress making her appearance

It took some time for us to pacify her. I took her out on dinner at her favorite place so that I could cheer her up. Monday she did not want to go to school and said she is not feeling well. I allowed her a day off but cajoled her to attend school the next day. The advantage of being a special child is that nothing lasts for long in their mind. She came back home super excited telling me that they served noodles for lunch in her school, her friend was angry with her for being absent because she felt bored without her and one of her classmate took down her phone number and promised to call her. That made up for everything. The school is a beautiful place again for Farheena….

I have seen the affection, passion and effort with which the staff works with their students, which once again made me realize that I had made the right choice for Farheena. There is such a beautiful bond between the staff, volunteers and the students which is not seen very often. Mrs. Kalaivani, Mrs. Janaki and Mrs. Geetha Murthy were standing a short distance from us, and I could clearly see the excitement, joy and sheer pleasure which they expressed as the students performed on stage. I could not be happier for Farheena and Rayyan as a mother than they were for their students. That should sum it up all.  I wish the school more success and good luck in all their coming ventures.

FAME India is setting an example for special education in India with the support of many people who contribute to the organization in whatever way they can. You can help too. Click here to know more about how YOU can help them. 

Pictures can be viewed on the website of the school here

Tasty Chicken Cones

No that was not a typo. It is actually a Chicken cone, not the regular ice-cream cone. The recipe was introduced to me by my former student Aysha Yusra, who is known to come up with bright cooking ideas which are not just tasty, but also aesthetically very pleasing. So when Blogadda asked to share recipes, I took her help in coming up with one of the tasty looking recipe, that is prepared with Fortune rice bran oil, so that you don’t compromise with your health either.

Method of Preparation for Cone

Ingredients

Maida - 500 gms

Salt to taste

Butter – I tb

Water to mix dough

Warm the water and mix the flour to form dough which is neither too soft nor hard. You should be able to roll it into a chapatti easily. Knead it well and keep it aside for 30 minutes. Divide the dough into equal portions and roll out chapattis from them. Cut the chapattis into inch long strips. Wrap them lightly across the cone moulds. Fry them one by one heated Fortune Rice Barn Oil one by one, until they turn golden brown in color. Do not overcook them, because then they become too crispy and lose the taste. Remove the moulds when you are frying the cones.

Filling

Onions – 4 Medium sizes diced

Boneless chicken – 400 gms cut into small pieces

Tomatoes – 2 medium sizes diced

Salt to taste

Green peas – ½ cup

Caspicum – I big diced

Grated cheese – 1 cup

Coriander leaves – ½ cup

Mint Leaves – ¼ cup

Red Chilies – 1 tsp

Turmeric – ½ tsp

Ginger garlic paste – 1 tsp

Fry the onions in fortune rice bran oil, until they turn golden brown. Add tomatoes, capsicum and fry few minutes, before adding chicken, ginger garlic paste, salt, red chilies, turmeric, mint leaves and half of the coriander leaves to the mix and cook it stirring once in a while. Add boiled green peas to the chicken masala, once the chicken is tender and water evaporated.

Final Preparation

Fill the cone with the chicken masala. Top it up with grated cheese and coriander leaves. Bake it at 200°F in a preheated oven for 5 minutes. Serve hot with Chutney or sauce. 

This post is a part of Healthy & Tasty Recipe Contest with Fortune Rice Bran Health Oil & BlogAdda.com

The Lost Art of Kindness

The Lost Art of Kindness

Seeking the glory, wanting to shine

Everyone madly runs after success divine

On the path a little heart is broken

A tiny tear shed, a word not spoken

A little plea for help, an outstretched arm

Is not to be cared for as it holds no charm

Achieving success and treading path of fame

Ignoring humanity is no more a shame

By Farida Rizwan

A Couple With a Mission...

I have always felt Farheena is safest when she is with me… with just one exception in my whole life. There has been just one person, a man who is from foreign land who made me feel that she would be much safer with him than she is with me. I am not exaggerating here, because during our visit to USA, Farheena had bonded well with lot many people who have left an inedible impact on her heart. Picking out a single person is not going to be fair, but if I got a feeling that is it. I cannot help spontaneous feeling which creeps in without my knowledge.

The wonderful and most humble person I am talking about is Mr. Rick White, a man with such a big heart that I wonder how God fitted it into his chest. When my friends, Rayyan and me went on rides and had fun in Disney World, he stayed back with Farheena and took care of her. I hesitate at least for a moment when I have to leave Farheena with someone, wondering whether she is going to be safe, can they manage her, will they get distracted by something and lose her and all those kind of crazy thoughts. It was shock for me when nothing like that crept in my mind when I had to leave her behind with Rick. He almost made me feel she is going to be safer with him, with us crazy people gone for good ;).

I wish I could have spent some more time and got to know Rick in a much better way than we managed, but then there is no need to know more than what you feel for him in a short while because it tells a lot. My friend and Sister in cancer survival Deb Rizor White, his wife is an amazing woman who can listen and understand even the weirdest kind of experience you would share with her. What strikes me most about this amazing friend I have is her subtle and unique sense of humor.. which does not make you laugh out loud, but leaves you smiling for a long long time. Together, they reach out and make a difference to their community, by connecting with people who need guidance to manage their lives in the big bad world. 

I am so proud to know these people, who in a simple way can make huge difference to the life of the people they touch. Hope to see a project like this in India some day. Another dream to be fulfilled.

 About Rick White, Deb White and thier dream child 'Community Connections'

This is the story of a man who decided to turn his life's work into something with real meaning.. Not just to him, but to a great many others. It's never too late to follow dream. And with determination and hopefulness, "Community Connections" is that place, where more than 75 individuals are finding their dreams becoming reality every day.

Community Connections is an Adult Day Habilitation Program in northeast Ohio. It began with a simple, yet extraordinary need- to provide individuals with developmental disabilities a place to learn, work and live to their fullest potential.

Community Connections was designed around the wants and needs of the individuals served. As a Christian-based facility, we knew the importance of words of encouragement. Where better to start than God's own words: Hope, Faith, Love, Inspire, Dream, Grow and Believe? As we created the workshop from their list of wants and needs, it was important that wherever you looked you would find words to inspire. That was the creation of the wall of inspiration. (Paintings in the dining area). These words are for all of us to read and live by. Above the words is the phrase "I Can". I can do anything and everything to the best of my abilities. This allowed us to remove the labels that hold us all back.

Some individuals have learned to read, write, sew, knit, cook, act, and study the sciences-such as weather and physiology. They love gardening, using a computer, and making crafts to sell in the gift shop. More importantly, as the individuals realize their own potential, they strive to do more new things. Some want jobs in the community earning a paycheck. We also provide life-skills training. These areas include cooking, laundry, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, job research and interviewing skills. One of our individuals drives a van to pick up contract work supplies! As we look for job opportunities in the community, those jobs are centered around the preferences and abilities of the individuals.

There is no better feeling than to see the individuals accomplish something new or to see their faces with their first big paycheck. For the last seven years I have been given the opportunity to make dreams come true, and to live my own dream. I hope in some small way I have changed the lives of the individuals I am so honored to serve as much as they have changed mine. As we continue to grow, we will always remember how we started with Faith, Hope and Love.

Farheena having fun with Sandy and Rick who has oreos ready to feed her. 

Rick Trying hard to fix MP3 player for Farheena so that she could listen to her favorite songs. Right is Deb, being there for Farheena. 

Trapped in a cocoon...

An Update : Surfing through some past articles, I chanced upon this blog post today. Somehow now I fail to relate to it, as I have walked down the path of success since the day I wrote this blog post  few years ago. I love my wings and freedom, especially knowing that I need not depend financially on anyone to take care of me or my children. No more do I feel trapped. 

Trapped In a Cocoon

Marriage is big step for any person. It means commitment, love, affection and companionship. Add a big sacrifice to the list when it comes to Indian women... at least to most of them.

Going through the customs, functions and parties, I did not realize what I was getting into when I got married. It took me years to realize how I had entered a trap and stayed there without realizing that

• I had lost my personal identity
• I had lost most part of my freedom
• I had lost the ability to make my own decisions
• I could not relate to the individual 'me' without being a wife, mother or some tag attached to myself
• I had stopped thinking about myself and my happiness
• I had got into a relationship with more people than my husband and had to deal with them
• I was becoming subdued and sacrificial
• I was trying very hard to make everyone proud of me
• I thought I could make others happy and I should try to make others happy
• I WAS NOT IMPORTANT

The realization, when it happened, shook me to the core slowly awakening me from the slumber I had slipped into. The unused parts of brain had become rigid and refused to move but I did not quit trying. I am working to find myself, the person who is the real me other than what I am meant to be because of my connections to others. The journey continues ……………………

A poem I wrote when I took the first step of self actualization.

Trapped in a cocoon...

The free butterfly spreading its wings
Flew around playing with winds
Sipping nectar and dew from flowers
In bright sunlight shining its colours
Over the hills and over the dales
Freely it flew, with no fear of gales

Sadly, one fine day it got trapped in a cocoon

Losing its freedom and spending time in gloom

Wishing to be free from the suffocating pain

Wondering in the dark how to be free again

For the cool breeze is still blowing

The dews like pearls are still glowing

Over the hills, the day is so sunny

All the flowers are filled with honey

But the wings are not strong being under cover

The cocoon has dented its flights power
There are weights bearing the wings down
With all the strings attached; weary it has grown

The cocoon is strong but not unbreakable
Long flights and strides is now impossible

One step at a time leaning on a cane
Towards freedom, the butterfly moves again….

By: Farida Rizwan.

Complete Without You

I was incomplete with you

I needed you to complete me

I wanted you with me so that

You would compliment me

I desired the warmth and love

And companionship from you

But you were not there

All I had was that void

Through which I found myself

 I don’t need you anymore

As I am now complete without you

BY

Farida Rizwan

Wonderful Workshop for Parents @ FAME India

FAME India had organized a wonderful workshop for the parents of their students at the school premises on 16^th February 2013. This is my first experience with such a program at the school, as Farheena was admitted into the school only in 2012. I came to know that FAME India has constantly tried to bring in external resource persons to provide information about varied aspects of special education and varied needs of children with special needs through such events.

The workshop lasted from 10 a.m. to 4.30 p.m.

The first session as conducted by Dr. Indiramma, Retd Ass. Prof. NIMHANS on Behavior problems and its Management.

It was followed by ‘Motor Skill Training programme by Dr. Ushma Goradia, Director, Active Kaarya.

Mr.Mohan, Assistant Disabled Welfare Officer gave information about Government schemes for persons with disabilities.

Finally Mr. Sunil Khimsura gave details about financial planning for Special Needs Children.

I am amazed that the school served 2 tea/coffee and Lunch free for the parents. Those parents who did not have arrangements to leave behind their wards at home were allowed to tag them along. The students were taken care of by the school staff while the parents attended the workshop. Cannot thank the school enough for the wonderful learning experience.

My perspective and observation is to be followed.