“Your thoughts are so mature. But you look so small. Can you tell me how old are you?”
“I am 10 yrs old.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I am always sure of everything. As I told you I am not very silly. I hate the question ‘are you sure?’ don’t ever ask me that again”.
“O.K. I am sorry.”
“It is very rare that elder people say they are sorry. They always argue they are right even if they know they aren’t. It is always children who are wrong. They don’t even know they are lying when they are. They think they can get away by saying anything because children will not remember and will not understand. But I do remember and also understand. And I hate them for lying and cheating me.
There was this particular incident which taught me that I can’t even trust my mother. I don’t want anyone to assume that my mother is not a loving person. She is loving, caring and giving. At times she tries the easy way to get out of situations and gives me wrong information. Actually she does not want me to ask all questions which no one has asked so far.
This incident has made a great impact on my life. Would you like to hear it? Actually I want it to be secret forever. I don’t want anyone to know about it. I don’t think I should have done what I did. But somehow now I feel I can tell you about this.
I was very small then. It must be few yrs ago. I wasn’t in school. We were a family of five. Mother, father, my maternal aunt and we two sisters. There was a man about whom my aunt was obsessed of and wanted to marry. Usually she would talk about their marriage and how much she loved him etc. I used to be present when this family discussions were going on. There were questions from me as to what she wanted to do? What was marriage? so on. My family would be pestered to the end of their patience by me. They had to answer me so that I would shut my mouth. So in the end I had enough information to know that if some person finds someone who is pretty enough and good enough for them, then they want to be with them forever and to be with someone forever they have to marry them.
Time passed by and one day I saw a young man who looked very cute. I just knew that if there was ever going to be a person with someone I would like to live forever then he was the one, because he always used to smile at me and wink at me when he found I was about to play some prank on someone around me.
My parents would often take me to a quite place called Prashanti Nilayam in hope of getting rid of my disability. He was a student of Satya Sai College and the students were all supposed to be there in the ashram along with the followers of the holy man. The place was boring for a naughty child like me so I started playing pranks on people around me. They would always try to keep me quite with sshh shhhh shhhh………. But when they were engrossed in meditation I would start playing my pranks. I enjoyed troubling all those people who were sitting there so engrossed in meditation. I would pile up sand on the pallou of a lady meditating in front of me because when she would get up the dirt would get into my aunt and mummy’s eyes who were right behind her and they would close their eyes for sometime and then they would check out each others eyes and blow into them asking ‘are you feeling better now?’ By the time they got the dirt out I could just hide somewhere to scare them. That was the punishment I meted out to the people who made me sit quite for long hrs. That usually worked out. They would look here and there call out my name in whispers because they weren’t supposed to talk aloud and desperately decide that I have been lost and it was then I would come looking for them from my hiding place. I would get shouted at and then I would decide I will do it again to teach them a lesson. I loved telling them tales of how I got lost. Sometimes it was I went by with a lady with same color sari which my mother was wearing and then realized I was with wrong person when I saw her face. I would tell them that I was very very scared. Another time it was I heard someone calling my name and rushed to find out some strangers looking for some other child and so on. It was amusing they never realized I was lying.