Thursday, May 30, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 18

Learning To Be Independent

When Rayyan got admission in Arena Animation Jayanagar, the challenge of his accommodation cropped in front of us. Though he could stay with either my sister or brother’s family, I decided to teach him a little bit of independence. Since childhood Rayyan had been with me and was always taken care off. Though he helped me around with everything in our home, he always had me to guide him. I somehow felt he needed to learn to be on his own; so we decided that he would live in a PG in Bangalore with his friends. He also had to learn to manage money, so a tiny sum of 2500/- allowance for fixed for him to meet his everyday needs, like cleaning, eating, travel etc.
Soon time came when I had to send him off to Bangalore and honestly, though I behaved very normal and calm, I was very nervous. For the whole first week, I waited for a panicky call from Rayyan, but there was nothing of that sort happening. Every evening he would call to say ‘Hi’ to Farheena and narrate in detail about his day. He was actually doing fine. Weeks turned into month. The call I expected to hear him say that he has run out of money and needed a bit extra never came. The lecture I had prepared for him about managing finances was lying near the phone eagerly waiting to be picked up, but the time never came.
Second month went by as usual. The only problem Rayyan faced so far was missing his sister. Rest of the things were moving smoothly. One fine day, we had a surprise visit from Rayyan. Rather than rushing to hug my son happily, the first thing I blurted out was, “how did you manage to come? Who paid your bus fare?” and Rayyan answered calmly, “I saved it maa. I also bought you and Farheena Pizza because when I was having pizza I missed you both”.  This really shocked me, and you will never be able to guess what a big shock it was for me. I paid him way less than what he would need and here he had saved out of it and had managed to spend it back on me and Farheena as well. At least Farheena responded normally expressing her happiness on his arrival and enjoyed the pizza. Later as we sat down to catch up with the happenings, I slowly asked Rayyan how was he able to save money to afford bus fare and the pizza. Rayyan gave me a list of things on which he saved money, and one was of walking. He never spent anything on auto or bus at all. He just walked everywhere which saved him a lot of money. After hearing how he managed the finances, I slowly stretched my hand towards the written points of lecture I had ready for him and threw it away, never to be seen again.
He worked on his assignments and did great in his animation course. I could see his hard work and dedication through the output.

As time went by and Rayyan had been in PG for more than a year. He visited us whenever he could, and also bought something special like a pastry, book or chocolates as gift. I realized that the lesson had been learnt, but unfortunately it was not Rayyan but Farheena and I who learned it. Rayyan managed his life, finances and studies calmly, where as we both struggled without him to help us around. As far as I believed that I pampered him, it was me who was pampered by this child and life was so tough without him to help me.
Finally when Rayyan was engrossed in his animation course for the second term, I declared to Rayyan that he has learned to be independent and the lesson is over. I was moving to Bangalore and he could come and stay with me and Farheena in the rented house. Until today, Rayyan was living in the belief that I had achieved my goal of teaching him independence not realizing that the roles had been reversed. The cat is finally out of the bag.

Finally enjoying guilt free Pizza with Farheena

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