Monday, June 24, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 43

Was My Prayer Answered?

My peace loving children I am proud of
This post is about Rayyan; yet it is not exactly about him, because he was not born when the event I am going to narrate took place. When I was pregnant with Rayyan, I have witnessed the most horrible sight I have ever come across in my life. If you do not like gory stories, read no further.
I was in Byndoor during my third month of pregnancy. There was also a pregnant cat visiting our attic and was planning to lay her babies in a cosy place there. This place was almost abandoned and she wouldn't be disturbed. My MIL and her family were not cat people. In fact, most of the people in our neighbourhood hated cats due to their stealing fish, messing corners and noise they made. When the cat started making preparations for the babies they hated the disturbing sounds of the cat and wanted to chase it away.
Being pregnant with terrible morning sickness, I kind of empathized with this pregnant cat and said a few words in her defence. This kind of triggered the ego game in the family, though I did not have much energy to play it. I was kind of lonely with my husband in Dubai and my maternal family in Bangalore. My in laws never tried to have a good relationship with me and in their defence I can say that I never tried hard either. I was like a stranger in the house.
One night, I could clearly hear the kittens and mom cat meowing through the night. I could hear everyone grumble and curse the cat. I was afraid that the cats would be in danger and decided to hire someone to shift them somewhere else. Of all the animals, I love cats the most and couldn't bear to see them hurt. Though that applies for all animals, the proportion of love is more for cats.
The next morning I tried hard to hear some sounds but there was only silence in the attic. Due to pregnancy, I could not climb up the shaky ladder to check, but I assumed the cat must have shifted the kittens like they usually do. As I walked out, I heard some sounds in the passage way of our house. When I peeped there, the most horrific sight met my eyes. If you are weak hearted, read no further because it is gruesome.
The cat was hanged to my bedroom window railing by its neck and was dead on the ground with the noose around its neck. The four kittens lay dead there must be due to rain or cold because two were dead suckling the mom. That meant they were not killed but left to die. A crow was trying to peck at them....
The nauseating feeling which started in my gut spread all over my body and soul and I was in bathroom for nearly 2 hours throwing up God knows what.
I did not have any energy left to fight it out with anyone. There was no way justice could be done because what law we have for such people to be punished? That day I felt the most helpless and vulnerable I have ever felt in my life. This horrible thing happened right outside my window and I could do nothing about it. The worst part was, everyone felt it was not a big deal and some justified it, whereas there were others who found it funny.
I cried for a long time and finally I prayed. I do not have any kind of God in my mind so my prayers are very rare. When I pray it is to some goodness out there in the universe without a name. I sat down on the floor and sent a prayer out to the universe sincerely with all my heart and soul. "Let my womb never bear a child who can be capable of cruelty to anyone". I kept repeating it for hours... I had fear in my heart that the child I carried may someday be capable of something like this. It could be in his genes, though I have not witnessed his father being cruel to animals or plants. Somewhere the dead cat had connection to his ancestors in my mind, though I had no proof.  
The next day I told my mom I was coming to Bangalore and would be there for some time. I did not tell anyone at my home of what had happened because I could not talk about it ever again.
I feel extremely grateful that both my children are very careful of not hurting anyone. They care even about insects and I have not seen either of them kill anything consciously. Though it is tough to believe, I have to because I have witnessed it. Sometimes I feel that my prayer was answered that day, especially when I talk to Rayyan. He doesn't place people superior to animals and he had been that way since childhood. It was in the same attic where the cat had her kittens that Rayyan told me he couldn't hurt the dangerous jungle cats. Even Farheena cannot bear to see anyone suffer, and is sensitive to emotional pain in others, even if they are hiding it very smartly. Though life came with lot of challenges to me, I feel lucky and grateful to life for not giving me children who would be capable of cruelty.
I live peacefully knowing that the two people I brought into this world will not hurt anyone either physically or emotionally. Thank you God!

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