Chapters From My Life: 100 Rays Of Son

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 72

Memories That Became A Treasure

The last birthday Rayyan celebrated with my sister. Also the last celebration we all enjoyed as a complete family.

When I asked Rayyan, what memories he has from his childhood, it did not take him long to answer that question. He fondly remembered how his Naani would praise everything he did in an exaggerating manner. I would say you should multiply the word exaggerate by 10 to find the right word for it. I am surprised that it left such a good impact on Rayyan that he recollects it so fondly, with lot of love in his voice. Though Rayyan had a tough childhood, this is what he remembers. I am grateful to my mom for this.

He also remembers a simple incident that gave him confidence to fix things around home. Rayyan had a toy helicopter in his childhood with rotating blades. I remember it was an expensive toy but somehow cannot recall where we got it. Must be one of the toys he dad brought from Dubai. Unfortunately, the blades of the toy were stuck and it wouldn’t work. We had spent lot of money on the cells and were very eager to see it work. My brother and I were disappointed, more than Rayyan. We tried to fix it but could not. My mom insisted that we take it to the shop and get it repaired immediately. There was a guy who repaired the toys and we took it to him. Unfortunately, after a long wait, the helicopter came back without being fixed.

Rayyan was curious about it and one day opened it up to check out what could have gone wrong with it. Somehow, he ended up fixing it accidently and the blades were operating. My mom wouldn’t stop praising him for days to come. The helicopter was exhibited on the window for everyone to see and she would proudly declare to everyone that he fixed it when others failed. Rayyan says he heard this story many times over and over again.

Rayyan tells me that it was this incident that gave him the confidence that he could fix things. Looks very similar to his response to Farheena about fixing things. Our behaviours leave a huge impact on our children. This is something we tend to ignore so often.

Rayyan still remembers the colour of the helicopter and other details of this incident so well though his memories of days back then are not so clear. I am so glad that it is this memory that is strongly imprinted in Rayyan’s mind and not something negative.

The other memory which is strongly imprinted in his mind is about my sister. I do not remember this incident though. He said my elder sister, Surila, had returned from somewhere and was very tired after the journey. When he went in to see her in her room and she gave him a chocolate. By then, I told him not to disturb her and took him back to his room. He did not feel like eating that chocolate and had kept it safely. He doesn’t remember why though. After few days, I saw that he was keeping it safely and convinced him to eat it, since it would expire and he may have to throw it away when it gets spoilt. I have no memory of doing it either but Rayyan clearly remembers it. Though the memory is not clear, Rayyan tells me this is one of the oldest memories he has from his childhood and it makes him happy recollecting it.

During my counselling sessions I have spoken to many people about the strong memories of their childhood and it is not pleasant what I get to hear. If I go back to my own childhood, the strong memories are of hurt or anger. There are pleasant ones as well, but a bit weaker.

Rayyan had spent around 3 years away from his grandmother in Byndoor, during which period he visited her often. He was never separated from my elder sister for long period of time. It would be just few months at most. Back then, it was tremendous stress for me to manage my family’s love for Rayyan and the pressure from my marriage not to be dependent on my family to raise my children. I was never dependent, but it was the love they had for my children, especially Rayyan that kept me with them. There were fights between me and my husband regarding the issue of keeping children with my family. There would be chaos every time I visited Byndoor giving in to pressure from him to be his home with his family. I sometimes used to go through the guilt as well, because both Rayyan had Farheena were quite close to my family and not to his paternal relatives. But then, they also never loved them nor tried to win their love. As for our family, we all were very close to each other and were always being together. The bond was strongly held together by my elder sister. Farheena missed the memories of my sister completely. She was just 1 year old when we lost my sister. Rayyan was 5 and I am glad he remembers her. We never knew that she would be gone in 5 years’ time and I think she deserved to be with the person she loved the most for that short period of time.

Farheena and Rayyan think so often with love about my dad and mom and recollect few incidents that made them happy. In all the past years, I never heard a complaint about them from either of my children.

The happy memories they carry has erased all the doubts I had in my mind whether I did the right thing and also any traces of guilt I carried. I am glad that Rayyan shared his memories with me.