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Tuesday, July 2, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 51


Marriage


When Rayyan turned 25, I suddenly realized that he never had a serious relationship and decided I should prod him for marriage.
Me: Rayyan, get married. Most of your friends have got married and you should get married too.
Rayyan: Who should I marry if my friends marry? Where is the connection here?
Me: Find a good girl and marry. Start looking.
Rayyan: Where?
Me: How should I know where? You should know that. (Almost angry)
Rayyan: According to me, we don’t look for girls to marry. People should marry because they found a good life partner.
Me: How will you find something that you are not looking for?
Rayyan: Why do you want me to married? Let us see if your reasons are good enough.
Me: I want to see my grandchildren.
Rayyan: oh! Maa, having children is your choice, having grandchildren is not. The girl may not want to get pregnant or go through child birth. She may physically be unable to conceive. So, then you would want me to divorce her? That reason doesn’t count. It will be the choice of the woman whether she wants to bear a child or not. So, grandchildren are not a good enough reason.
I realize that this is something I have to seriously think over. Why did I get such a weird human for my son? Still I do not want to give up.
Me: I want to relax that you are settled and will be taken care of.
Rayyan: So, you want a caretaker for your son who is completely capable of managing his life and can work on his own. What if she is lazy and doesn’t want to do work? What is she comes expecting me to take care of her?
Me: She can be of help to me in managing home.
Rayyan: So now you are talking about housekeeper. All these things do not lead to marriage Maa. You are not on the right track at all.
Me: So according to you, why are all the people married then?
Rayyan: How should I know? I am not married. You are married, you tell me.
At this stage I want to give up, because I have no clue why I got married, why I remained married or why I am still considered to be a married woman. But somehow, I want him to find a wife. As I was wondering how to take this ahead, Rayyan continues after a while, “Marriage is highly overrated maa. I am not against it, but I don’t think people should be desperate for it either. So many people regret their decision after getting into it, but never hesitate before taking the leap. Also, I will never spend on extravagant marriage, because if you see properly you will realize it is a trap for us people. We struggle to celebrate in better way than others, wasting so much time and money. Even if it ends in bitter way it is ok. I will not stop you from looking for suitable girls but don’t give false hope to her nor should you have false hopes about her. She should be able to accept that I am Farheena’s brother and I will be responsible for her. I give her a choice to be part of responsibility or not, but I don’t want her to stop me from being responsible for her. She should be informed that I am not religious. Also, make clear that I will not spend to make her friends jealous. If the girl likes me for who I am and I like her as well, we can go ahead. I don’t know where to look for girls or how to look for them either. If you want you do it.”
I was kind of happy that I could at least look for girls. Since then I have freaked out few girls as well by looking at them in a scrutinizing way. But, I have also realized that people marry for various reasons and Rayyan’s reasons are not included in them. So, tough job ahead of me, which if I think this is my job and want to do it. Rayyan has given me a choice to retire anytime I want.
P.S. It is difficult for people who are not Indians to understand this conversation. In India, arranged marriages exist and moms always try to get their children married off.

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