Sunday, July 14, 2019

100 Rays Of Son - 63

As You Sow, So Shall You Reap

A funny incident that happened a few years ago worked as a great eye opener for me. It was during Rayyan’s course in Arena Animation. We had issues with fees payment of Rayyan with a bit of confusion thrown in for spice. Finally, the issue was sorted out and a slip given which finalized what we had to pay.
I placed the slip very safely so that there will be no more confusion for us. But all of a sudden I realized that for the sake of heaven or hell, I could not recall where I had kept it. This does not happen to me. I am a person who can recall where I have kept things even after years. I turned almost everything upside down, yet for some cruel reason there was no sign of the slip. It got me worried. When Rayyan misplaces things or accidentally breaks something, I usually do not shout, scold or blame him. I saw the same behaviour in Rayyan. He was calm and searching for the slip along with me.
Later in the day, I and Rayyan were discussing the new ‘Batman’ movie and I could not remember the name of the actor who was playing the role of batman. I could not recall the name of Ben Affleck who was going to be the new batman. I loved Ben Affleck but did not want him to be the batman yet I could not recall his name. Eewww, that kind of scared me. As a part of my M.S. in Counseling and Psychotherapy, I had read a lot about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. When you read psychology, you always end up relating yourself or people you know with one or other disorder. So I was wondering whether this was an indication that I was losing my memory. Rayyan found this very funny and started to tease me, which he loves to do all the time. I don’t blame him for this, as I myself never let an opportunity to pull his leg slip by me. Actually Rayyan has such an amazing way of teasing people that instead of feeling hurt, we enjoy it quite a lot. My sister Sabina, often looks forward to it very eagerly and Rayyan always teases her whenever they are together. She really wanted to document their time together and make a series on youtube about them.
We were having a mini funny fight when Farheena walked in home from her school. The young lady asked, “What’s going on?” Rayyan became serious and explained, “Maa has lost her memory. She cannot recall anything and is totally forgetful now. I don’t know what do to?” Farheena, totally calm and composed reassured him, “Don’t worry. Now that I am here, I will take care of everything”. It was very amazing to see her being so sure of herself. I decided to play along and shot her a questioning look. She pointed at the TV and asked what it is, I said I don’t know. She explained it is TV. The same procedure was repeated for the computer, table, phone, Rayyan, herself and me. “You are maa, we are your poos”. It was funny when she introduced Rayyan to me and said “This is your poo”. Don’t get her wrong there, poo means child in her language. I purposely kept making mistakes. She never scolded me, nor did she lose her patience. She went on training me in remembering the names of people and things around me. She was behaving exactly like Rayyan when he is teaching her something. Finally, I decided it was enough and stopped the game and said, “Ahah! Now I can recall everything”. She turned towards Rayyan and said confidently, “There, the problem is solved”.
We had a good laugh over this incident at first, but later, when I went back over the incident in my mind; a great truth struck me and I realized that we reap what we sow, especially when it comes to our children. I never stop blowing my own trumpet shamelessly when it comes to my children or me being an amazing mom. I am not sure how many people around me have been tired of listening to my happy mom tales, but they keep their mouth shut and as a result, I don’t shut my mouth. You can believe this now easily because I am already on the 63rd episode of #100RaysOfSon. Some rubbish off my happy mom tales as a honky dory unbelievable made up stories; because for most people, a healthy relationship without stress with their children is not something they can even imagine.
With help from Rayyan I have shown extreme patience in training Farheena in her life skills. At times it would take us years to teach her a single activity or word. We both took one step at a time to travel miles. We, especially Rayyan, used to repeat instructions to her, until finally she could do it. I had done the same with Rayyan when he had trouble with languages. She showed the same courtesy to me. Though we were playing a game, Farheena did not know that. That is the innocence that comes naturally to her with her special needs. It also made me realize in case I end up losing my memory, how she is going to take care of me.
The train of thought went chugging along and I could see my parenting reflecting in my children’s behaviour. They are not like me, but I know they are like my parenting. Farheena has a doll named Annie. She is treated with respect, love and care in my home. She is never left out of any activity. Annie gets the same upbringing that I have given Farheena. All of Rayyan’s toys are treated the same way as well.
Rayyan was a curious kid who used to discuss things around him with me, and ask a lot of questions. I used to drop whatever I was doing to share some time with him when he wanted to discuss something. I never told him that his ideas were impossible, weird or rubbish. We always had healthy discussion which finally has made me a better person today. Rayyan shows the same courtesy and patience towards his cousins, who are much younger to him. He patiently teaches them computer games, using apps or drawing. He is very patient in answering their questions. If anyway has something to be sorted out, they usually seek Rayyan’s help because he patience to explain things to them. His interaction with children is very similar to the way I interact with him. In fact, my sister says he is the best caretaker of children she has ever met, and most of the people agree with her.
Rayyan has been solely responsible for Farheena’s computer skill. When she said, she wanted to use computer, he never said it was not possible for her. He patiently kept showing her keyboard keys and how to use them. His patience in teaching her how to use computer and facebook is beyond my reach.
I cannot say that I never use foul words. But, I have made sure that I never use them with or in front of my children. I have been very strict with the use of language and expression, though it meant biting my tongue quite hard at times. The result is, I don’t see the use of **&%$ words in their vocabulary list.
They are very kind and loving towards animals, even those that end up harming us eventually. They have no violence, anger or cruelty in their heart towards any living creature. They do not discriminate anyone based on their status or appearance.
I feel God has immense love for me to trust me with his two best creations. I don’t worry about my children lying to me, neither do I worry that they keep some secrets. They do not argue but they do discuss things in a healthy way. They know when Mom is right, and so do I know when I am wrong and they are right. We accept our mistakes gracefully and move on.
The list would grow on. As I said earlier, I love blowing my own trumpet when it comes to being a mom. But finally it all just reminded me of what I had heard in my moral science class nearly 4 decades ago. As you sow, so shall you reap! True. I have sown well and I love the harvest. Parenting is tough, but if we dedicate ourselves to bringing up our children well, the result is going to be worth much more than our efforts. My result is Rayyan and Farheena, though I do not take all the credit for who they are, because there is something different about them as well in a positive way. I clearly remember that I felt a kind of respect for Rayyan when I held in my arms for the first time as a baby though logically I cannot believe it. I am not sure whether it is their goodness that made me a good mom or it is my parenting that worked the magic.

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